Thursday, March 15, 2007

The Bachelor - Episode 5

The Bachelor asked:

You're out on a date with the Bachelor, its a formal thing, and you're beautifully turned out. Infact, when he picked you up, he couldn't help remarking at how stunning you looked. The event is an evening of contemporary recitals of Shakepeare's drama and poetry at one of the famous Playhouses followed by dinner at which you will have to mingle with other special guests. Tickets for this event were really hard to get, and you have both been looking forward to this for a long time.You and the Bachelor are running slightly late, but you get there just in time. And then disaster strikes.

Getting out of the car, your knee-length dress gets caught in the door frame, and rips at the hem. You now have a 4-inch slit where the designer never intended one, that goes a couple of inches above your knee. Naturally, you're distraught, because your perfect outfit has been ruined. (The Bachelor doesn't agree, and he still thinks you're beautiful). Its too late to go back home to change, or to go into the stores. Your options are to abandon the date, or grin and bear it. What do you do, and why? How would you handle yourself? Has this ever happened to you before, and if so, what did you do?

Bachelorette 1

I would go for the date, the tickets were hard to get, I shall not and will not let a 4" slit which eventually would become a fashion statement ruin my night. I shall powder my nose, apply my lipstick again and gently come out of the car [with my million dollar smile..] and enjoy the show ; besides, the bachelor likes the way I look and even if he has a problem with it, Louis Vuitton had 'Ghana must go bags' on the run way so??!!..

The trick with mingling with important people when you are not on top of your game is[PERSONALITY] keep a straight face, away from whatever makes you uncomfortable, smile always or BEAM not grin silly.... make small talk here and there, pass loads of compliments and when a nice lady points at the rip in your dress, simply tell her you wanted the designer to add a special touch plus it reflects the mood you are in.. calmly make an excuse while touching her arm and move away..... works all the time....

I don't think you want to know how I tripped and fell flat on my nose, lost the heel to one my beautiful darocha pumps at a seminar in NY in front of Dr Ottis Sullivan, a prominent person in my field. Lets just say I got up, smiled awkwardly, apologised for being silly and continued with my presentation.. oh! it was for an internship with Dr Ottis.. I did not get the internship not because I tripped and fell but because I was in my 2nd yr.. Dr Ottis is my Mentor now.... [Talk about I WAS GONNA DIE MOMENT, "GROUND PLEASE OPEN UP AND TAKE ME IN"....]

Bachelorette 2

Hahaha - this sort of thing doesn't phase me at all. First of all, I would have been looking forward to this night for ages. I am not now going to let some pesky "wardrobe malfunction" ruin my evening. The enforced slit just means I get to show some leg. As long as I'm not flashing my coochie, I have enough class and self-confidence to carry it off like it was the style. I usually have a safety pin in my purse (always be prepared) so I'd quickly go to the bathroom, pin it at the top so it doesn't rip any further. When we are sitting down at the recital - I would make sure to cross my legs so he can peek at the flash of leg. (If you've got it flaunt and boy do I got it!)

This has happened in some form or another - strap breaking, button popping, slit widening etc. but usually just as I'm about to leave my house. The worst time was at a work party. I was wearing a bustier and my zip broke. I wasn't wearing a bra because the bustier was quite supportive, so I was in danger of exposing my breasts to everyone at work. I obviously felt it give way, so I sharply pinned my hands to my side and quietly backed away to the bathroom. Luckily I had a scarf on me so I tied it around my shoulders and looped at my back. I was able to cover up the bad bits and spent the rest of the evening (luckily it was towards the end) standing sort of stiffly and not moving too much so as to not aggravate it further. But it was all good, I don't think anyone noticed and I was still my charming self albeit "a little tired".


Bachelorette 3

I think this is as bad as turning up at a small gathering, feeling CUTE, only to find out there's another woman wearing the exact same outfit! When this happened to me, I had no choice but to grin and bear it. I actually walked up to her and asked where she got her outfit from, we both laughed and enjoyed the rest of our night.

So, in this situation, I will grin and bear it. Considering how hard it was to get tickets and how much we've been looking forward to this night. Because I believe my date still thinks I look good. Because I am confident in myself and I know I can make this slight mishap look good, I'd be glad to mingle while flaunting what I know are toned, smooth and well moisturised legs. We'll have a really good night, he won't be able to take his eyes off me and my legs.When he walks me to my door, I'll let him run his hand up my exposed leg, whisper into his ear that as the dress is already ripped, some other time, he won't have to be careful, he can rip it a little more, then I'll kiss him and say goodnight.

Bachelorette 4

The bachelor is a gentleman, who would not say anything to upset me. If he said anything contrary that will be worse than the dress accident.

I will run into the rest room, get a pair of scissors and snip the dress to the point were the slit ends, (it is just 4 inches) and make a design with the scissors. But to spare the men at the function the distraction (Because I don't just have beautiful skin, I've got amazing legs too thank you) and to respect my darling even though he insists I look beautiful, I will get my coat and wear it over the dress. I'll unbutton the coat to my waist but will not expose the slit and give the world my 100 watt smile and if anybody wants know why I have refused to take off my coat, I'll smile and answer politely, I don't want to drive anyone crazy.

39 comments:

DiAmOnD hawk said...

LOL...bach3 is a tease o...i like that suggestiveness....keep him wanting...hmmmm me likes a lot!!!!

bach2....is that the original bach3????? confidence def showing thru here....

bach 1...i like how you spinned the story...

bach 4...is this the original bach1????????? how far now?


hmmm....now that i think of it... 4inches is nothing....as in that's just right above the knee jare....

okay...so now i have to wonder which one is LondonBuki cuz i am SURE she is there somewhere... can we get some clues????????

sorry that i was MIA yesterday...there's just somn about meeting my goals at work that doesnt quite gel w/blogging...hmmm GO FIGURE!!!!

LondonBuki said...

@Diamond I missed you o! :-(

I am NOT a Bachelorette!

I was just about to say Bach 4 is the original Bach 1!!! LOL!!!

Let me go and read well...

I want to figure out which one is Noni and which one is Diamond!!!

LondonBuki said...

I searched for Dr Ottis Sullivan, didn't find him oh... I wanted to catch Bach 1. She definitely is in the US and she's in school! Pele, you tripped! LOL!!!

Bach 2 LOL @ your mishap... I like this. Why do I think this is Noni?

Bach 3 LOL @ seeing someone wearing your outfit!
You tease!!! Me likey!

I can't figure out which bachelorettes they were initially.
Infact this Bach 2 might be the initial Bach 3 BUT I didn't think the initial Bach 3 was Noni... hmmmm....

DiAmOnD hawk said...

buki...o ya i WANT YOU TO EAT YOUR HAIR if you turn out to be a bachelorette...you may have escaped it w/Olawunmi... oya... say it....

"I will eat my hair if im a bachelorette"...

dont worry... i will bring the spices for you w/some pepper to make sure it goes down well

LondonBuki said...

I don't think Uzo is the mystery lady!

And Noni is DEFINITELY a bachelorette and Diamond, I'm suspecting you o...

I was thinking Vickii was a bachelorette but I can't see her in these 3 ladies, I'll wait for Bach 4.

LOL! Ok, I will eat if I am a bachelorette, I said it!

DiAmOnD hawk said...

you will eat WHAT? you will eat... ehn we know you will eat...but WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO EAT.... u cant psyche a psycher o...lol

LondonBuki said...

LOL!!!

Adunni said...

All these gals make me wonder about me. If anyone asked i would have runaway or done something totally silly. Long and short i would have had a bad evening 'cos i would constantly b e thinking of the 4 inch slit. Well i suppose thats why the guys run like hell when they see me coming.
Interesting stuff though.

snazzy said...

Someone explain to me why olawunmi asked a question that was going to guarantee essentially identical answers. After all that priming, which lady was going to say, "of course I am going home, my night is ruined" Following on from that, the ladies also have to dredge up a possible humiliating experience that they turned in to a triumph. I suppose there could be some interest in finding out what people consider humilating and what they did about it but...

After all that grammar, all I am saying is that this question can only be judged on style and not substance cos they are all saying the same thing. Since I did not come here to be a literary critic, I got nothing.

LondonBuki said...

Snazzy o!!!! Kai!

Just enjoy the game!

Bach 4, where you at??

Mona said...

Snazzy in response to ur comment on my avatar -

Snazzy stop hating - I asked Uzo if she wanted yahoo but she said she didn't mind...I am different! Deal with it! Plus the avatar appeared in the paper the next day quite weird - Gee I am so cool. Olawunmi you dont know what you're missing ;o)

DiAmOnD hawk said...

okay o snazzy...if you wanted to lend the Bachelor a question of your own...what would it be????? just want to know is all...i think it'd be fun....

Uzo said...

Mystery Lady: Please agree to let your identity be made public oh. LOL.

LondonBuki said...

Uzo!!! Love the Avatar!!!

Yes please Snazzy, suggestions..?

Soul said...

I'm waiting on bachelor 4's response before I say anything.

@Mona.. nice one that avatar was of a virtual millionairess.. I like how you are still here putting yourself in everyone's consciousness like.. what I might not have wone the battle but I might just win the war..
Omo..i like that.

@Snazzy...
The bachelor knows why he asked the questions maybe there is something he is looking for that you are not aware of..
Maybe he is looking for that one person who when faced with a situation where everyone does one thing.... does another..
maybe he is looking for the unexpected, the surprise, the alternative..
maybe he wants to see that person who thinks outside the box.. because he thinks outside the box.
Ever thought about it that way?

LondonBuki said...

@Bachelorette 4
Where u dey now??? Since morning!!!

snazzy said...

how is it not enjoying the game to say that I thought the question kinda sucked? I've given the ladies shit for some of their answers, why can't I give olawumni shit for his question as well. Equal Opportunity!

@ soul, in this particular question the other option is to cancel the date and go home. He could be looking for that kind of girl, but the way he structured the question does not imply that (Remember the he still thinks you look good statement).

All I am saying is that with the choices they have been given, the only differences in the responses are going to be the way the ladies write and the examples they used. The three people that have responded kinda proved me right. Now you could pick a girl because she thought her boobs falling out was embarassing or because she thought freezing on stage was, but I don't think it means anything. The bachelor may disagree, but that is his lookout.

As far as me coming up with the question, don't you all know that critics are no-talent hacks who could not be creative if their lives depended on it.

LondonBuki said...

Ok Snazzy, that was FUNNY!

Soul said...

@snazzy....

in this particular question the other option is to cancel the date and go home - that is not the only option. A bit of lateral thinking and there is another option there.

with the choices they have been given, the only differences in the responses are going to be the way the ladies write and the examples they used.
Snazzy, this is the way I am reading the bachelor...

if the bachelor is looking for somebody creative, then this is how to do it..
Give a question to which everybody thinks there are only two answers.. left or right..
See who can come up with something to blow me out of the water.

the essence here isn't in the question...
it is in the answer.
In addition, the essence isn't really in the scenario
it is in figuring out how each of the bachelorettes can make something out of a potential disaster where the only option is to grin and bear it or flee.

I think the bachelor has purposely stuck them between a rock and a hard place.

The bachlelorettes answers might all seem the same to you, but I hazard at a guess and say that the bachelor is interpreting them all differently.. there are a lot of personality hints which the given answers have revealed.
They are subtle but they are there.

I have to give the bachelor props.. because he's questions might appear to be simplistic and to the point, but they are not.

It seems the bachelor is saying
Here,... here's a simple pen as a gift tell me what would you do with it...
knowing that some would say..
'I will use it every day,
some will say:
i will use it to write our names in calligraphic syntax
Some will say
i'll write you a poem
one person
Will just write the damn poem
one person
will probably,give the bachelor a notepad (inferring that they need to make a union)

the bachelor is subtle and he is cunning. He is not playing this straightforward.. even though it appears to be.
Now that the bachelorettes know who the bachelor is. I think they need to take a minute and step in his shoes..
Be daring, dream, be creative, be naughty, be nice, be honourable, be fun and be willing to open yourself up.
Be prepared to put yourself out there and be prepared to think laterally sometimes

LondonBuki said...

Oya after this Snazzy/Soul Episode... can SNAZZY and SOUL tell us what the think about the responses...?

You know we like your reponses so please Snazzy look beyond the 'literary' stuff and Soul Bach 4 might keep us all waiting till tonight!

Noni Moss said...

I think you're giving the Bachelor too much credit. Only a woman would come up with that scenario of your dress ripping being a nightmare situation. I think Uzo came up with the question but Lawunmi is expecting to see differences in what their next steps would be and i guess what sort of flair they present in expressing how they would handle it (as Snazzy nicely pointed out - no one would say they would cancell the date). I agree with Soul - there are several ways you can still show flair given the narrow scope presented.

Bach 4 where is your answer now? Hmm I think I'm a bit confused as to the order now. Oya LB - tell me which one you are so I can start voting for you ;-)

LondonBuki said...

Noni, you are HILARIOUS!

You are Bachelorette 2, I AM SO SO SURE!!!!

Noni Moss said...

Hmm - LB you have issues oh! What makes you think I'm in it - i think Bach 2 was former Bach 3 and Bach 5 is Bach 3. Loll - yeah confusing. And that you're Bach 1. all of that story about the US - trying to throw us off. I'm waiting for Bach 4 then I can work out who's who.

So which one are you now? Were you mystery lady? Or was that me? :-D

LondonBuki said...

Noni abeg don't confuse me! You are Number 2 and that's it jare! I am voting for you!

Sam said...

Olawunmi & Uzo. This couple has very interesting ways of amusing themselves. I am not sure how i would feel about letting my girlfriend be the bachelorette but i admit that it would be a huge turn on for my girlfriend to be trying to pimp me like Uzo is doing but since this is all in fun, she knows that none of these ladies as hot as they are will get her man. But they seem to be having fun which is what matters.

LondonBuki said...

@Sam Do you think Olawunmi and Uzo are a couple?

Vera Ezimora said...

Buki, if this show is over and u turn out not to be one of the bachelorettes, I will be shocked! You don stalk this blog pass the pesin wey get am sef. You berra be one of them o!

chainreader said...

I love bachelorette 1.

LondonBuki said...

Ha! Vera, you have insulted me men!

As from today, I am only commenting 3 times a day!

Nonsense girl *hiss* It's not your fault!

I'll be back tomorrow.

Noni Moss said...

Lolll - Sam why are you soo convinced they are a couple?

and Vera I agree with you - LB is like on it! but it's all good - you make it interesting.

Sam said...

London Buki - I am convinced that they are a couple. I read a lot of blogs even though i dont have one of my own and i stumbled on Uzo's blog through Olawunmi's blog and a mention of her in one of his writings. And then she did the same. And since then, i have noticed this a lots of the time. I have also noticed a lot of things in their writings that makes me believe that this people are a couple. Am i wrong

Vera Ezimora said...

Buki, you see ur life ehn? Only 7 minutes after I posted, and u don reply already. You see ur life, Buki!!! LOL

Comment 3 times a day? Please! Did u mean comment three times an hour? LOL. You know I love u, baby.

Me sha, I just came 2 comment on Bach 4's reply. LOL. I'm off to vote 4 her.

Bella Naija said...

ah ah...u 'speculators' have extended the whole thing to analyzing omowunmi and uzo...u guys r deep!

anyways, back to the bachelorette, bach 3...menn this babe, r u a fashion student? u really broke it down as per the outfit...i think i know who u r!

I think Bach 2 is Noni Moss!

um....Bach 1...nice recoveryyyy!

Bach 3...girl u r just a tease!

I'm lovin it~ I cant wait for the big reveal!

vindication through innocence said...

Its well funny!!gosh.where have you been all my life??im soo bach2!!but I love being awkward so this slit would be the icing on the cake.Im very good with people.

Soul said...

Now that we have all the bachelorettes answers..

Bachelorette 1
ok.

Bachelorette 2
ok.. nice to mention that you can carry it off.. i like that.
and you come preopared for damage control.. the mention ofthe flashing of the leg was good too.

Bachelorette 3
saying that you would grin and bear it, doesn't really imply pizzaz...
i do like the fact that you emphasied your smooth, toned, well moisturised legs.. makes me wonder what they look like.
You should have stopped there, if you were going to give us further details of how you would seduce the bachelor (you lil wench lol) please make it a lil more 'grown'.
The playful is wearing me out jare.

Bachelorette 4
I'm pissed that you kept me waiting all the day.. but you were partially worth the wait.
EXACTLY.
You rip it off.
but then you ruined it... with the coat.
It's 4 inches.. not 4cm the coat was and is uneccessary. and your bachelor would be proud to show you off. if he was looking for a prude.. he wouldn't have agreed to do the bachelor thingy..

To all
Oya assignment.. take out a rule and measure 4inches from the top of your knees. IT IS NOT A BIG THING.
Ladies, I will fight you o. this is the second round stage.
None of you are prudes, non of you are wall flowers but you guys are driving me up the fucking wall with this stuff.
I will get my koboko and thrash all of you.
Open up.
think out of the box..
close your eyes and imagine..
For fuck sake..
You guys don't fool me, I know all of you are capable of knocking the socks off of this bachelor.. but these answers are too formulaic..
where the heck is the mystery lady (I have a crush on you)
Be daring!
We demand it on behalf of the bachelor.

This message is from nubiansoul headquarters and has not been endorsed by the organisers or the bachelor, but is for the benefit of the bachelor and in the interests of the bachelorettes copyright -soul enterprises 2007

azuka said...

Number 1 has unwittingly revealed herself as Jaycee (don't ask me how - she knows how I know!). Now I'm going to be biased. :-(

I like Number 3's answer. Most of the girls I know will be sulky all night if they discover they're wearing the same outfit with someone else.

Anonymous said...

Sam: Of course Olawunmi and Uzo are not a couple. How can they be?Olawunmi belongs to me.

Daddy's Girl said...

Thanks for the tip-off Azuka! Jaycee, thou hast been exposed! Sam, as anonymous above me has tersely informed you, they're not a couple o... or Uzo have you been hiding stuff from us? Loving your new avatar by the way.

I like your response very much Bach 1, but I'm voting for Bach 2 for this round - she sounds like such fun - I'm thinking she's the former Bach 3...

Actually, I think their answers were all really good, but I think the question was kinda narrow - hate to admit it but I'm with Snazzy on this one.

Anonymous said...

1 sounds more like life of a stranger...