Monday, October 30, 2006

Broken Threads

It has been a very emotional weekend for me.

On Friday after blogging and working, i was looking forward to the weekend so much. Then my friend E came online. She is one of my best friends and we have been close since England and then she moved to Atlanta and we hung out all the time. My move to Chicago and back to Lagos didnt change things. By virtue of this relationship, i met her parents many times and her siblings became mine. This girl - young woman is so beautiful and precious to me. Work in Lagos made our phone calls reduce but we always chatted on line and exchanged emails and we would just take it from wherever we left of.

She came online and i was soooo excited and ready to play catch up when she typed "Uzo, i lost my mom". My reaction was one of shock. What did she mean? With shaking fingers, i typed and typed and she told me her mom died. I just started to cry. I knew i had to make that call. To talk to her and reach out to her. See E is one very strong chick. She makes fun of how much of a softie i am. I cry at everything and i can honestly say in all the years that i have known her, i have never seen her cry.

When she picked up the phone, i could hear and feel her pain. I was trying hard not to cry so i wouldnt upset her more. As the details of her loss came out, i could only listen. Wishing i was there with her. To hug her and pray with her. Just to be there. When i asked when she was coming home, she said next month after all arrangements have been made. I asked how she was doing..She said she had cried and cried but she had to be strong for her siblings. See E is the 3rd of 6 kids and the first girl. She has always been the mother hen so at this time of loss, everyone including her dad is looking to her for strength. She said she couldnt believe that her siblings were making plans to buy a casket for her mother. She said to me: i cant belive i dont have a mom anymore. We hung up and i just cried and cried. I was heartbroken for her family. For her. I knew her mom and she was sooo vibrant and fulland was truly the matriach of their family. I cant really explain how much pain i felt, as i cried, i couldnt breathe. I was simply overwhelmed by sadness.

And it was with this heaviness in my heart, that i called my mom. She is in the States with my sisters and i havent seen her in a month. Immediately she heard my voice, she asked what was wrong and i just started to cry as i told her. She knew E as well but had never met her mother. My mother was quiet as i cried and cried and she said all the right things about God and faith and strength. She said i had to be strong for her seeing as i am determined to be by her side when she comes back. As i cried, i told my mom over and over that i loved her and that every time we fought..i was sorry for always getting mad at her, for fighting with her, for not talking to her sometimes. She laughed and said we would be back at it once she got back but that it was all about love.

I couldnt stop crying. When i calmed down some, i tried to call L and since he's out of the country, i couldnt reach him. As much of a daddy's girl i am, i couldnt call my dad. This was not his forte, and i didnt feel like he would truly understand how i felt...since i couldnt even put it into words. Besides he was out of town as well. I called my other friend O, and he picked up immediately that i was off kilter. He asked if i had a cold. In his way, he made me feel better by not talking about the loss but about mundane silly things. I managed a giggle or 2 and i hung up. I was still lost.

This weekend, i spent talking to E, journaling and being alone. Then on Sunday, the news about the plane crash. More loss. Added to the fact that my dad was in Abuja and my phone was ringing off the hook. People calling to ask where my dad was. See, my dad was in Abuja and went to Kano and Thursday and was back in Abuja on Friday. People close to us know that my dad travels quite a bit. More of a scare. Its Monday morning and he just called to say he is at the Abuja airport, on his way back. And i am scared. I am sure it will be well but its hard to explain.

I have always known this but this weekend reminded me harshly that life is not to be taken for granted. What's the use of saving things for that special day when we might be gone in the next instance? Why should we fuss and fight with our loved ones over the silliest things? Even if the fights are justified, make peace. Point out what hurt and move on. Holding grudges...So not worth it. Tell your loved ones and show them how much they mean to you. And if you are in a position of responsibility, then begin to prepare to take care of the ones that depend on you. So many stories of widows left with nothing. Not knowing about their husband's affairs, acocunts and relatives swooping in to sow where they did not reap.

Life can deal several hands and while we cant control things, we can aim to make things right while we are still here.


DiAmOnD hawk said...

Moms are the best. Losing one is the worst. I pray for God to be with your friend and her family during this emotionally draining time.

You're right about saving things for special occassions. I was watching the Montell Williams talk show...several years ago. This man was on there...his wife had died...he brought an outfit out that she'd been saving for a special never happened. It is important for us to remember to value each day and treat each unique hour...each unique a special occassion

God be with you and your family Uzo.

God be with our country during this time. A week after the anniversary....

Soul said...

you wouldn't believe how apt this is to me.
I've tried very hard to move past certain things, but it just doesn't work. I no longer know some of my family. we all have chyanged and changed far beyond recognition. agghhh I just can't compute.
I've lived soo long without that interferance that I don't miss it in that way.
I dunno. i think you are a better person than I am.
keep on loving and forgiving.

LondonBuki said...

Uzo, hi!

This made me get so so emotional. I can only imagine the pain you feel... Lord, and your friend!

My mummy falling ill really was an eye opener for me... I thought she was super woman and this proved, maybe NOT.

Enough about me, I am sending you the biggest virtual hug there is out there. I know you will be very strong for your friend.

Your father will have a safe flight to Lagos, by God's Grace, Amen!

May E's mother's soul rest in perfect peace... the Almighty God will comfort the family(and friends) during this time...

Take care babe x x x

P.S. I so so love your last 2 paragraphs! It couldn't have been said any better.

Uzo said...

@Diamond: Thanks a lot. I am learning to cherish every moment and my wish is for others to do the same.

@Soul: I am hearing a lot from those few lines. Iits really hard to forgive and forget. I have been severely traumatized by people in my life and i will agree with you that its hard. But my definition of forgiveness doesnt mean we have to sing kumbaya around a bonfire. But rather to make peace with the hurt i feel, asking God to help me heal and to give me strength. It doesnt mean that if i walk by that person on the street, we must have a cup of coffee. But i will have made peace with it all, that i can smile or nod and walk away....If that makes sense.

@Buki: Thanks for the hug. My dad is back in Lagos thankfully. And thanks for the good wishes.

I cannot say how great blogging has been for me. The things i have never been able to say or share with others, is so easy to do now and to think that "strangers" get it. So great

Soul said...

yeah uzo,
I was saying a lot more but not typing it, amazing how we sometimes hear exactly what people are trying to say, but not really saying.

Be well..
and take heart.
Cry if you must, but do let it out.

zaiprincesa said...

Uzo, there is no "right thing" are saying and doing all you can by just being there...and that is enough to comfort anyone. Just be there, cry if you must, but let God comfort you, your friend, and her family. And he will see you through. My dad travels a lot (he works outside of Lagos), and when i heard the news, i panicked and called my mom and sister, but thankfully, he is okay. I cant imagine the pain this tragedy has caused so many families. May God be with us all, and may the souls of the deceased rest in peace. Amen.

Daddy's Girl said...

May you, your friend, and her family be comforted by the Lord Himself. zaiprincesa said it very well - you're doing all you need to do, just by being there.

azuka said...

Thanks for being there for her.

Why all this death in and out of the blogger community?