Thursday, June 14, 2007

Random - But Serious

  • My last trip to the movies with my friends was to see Pirates of the Carribean 3. Because we knew the movie would be sold out again, we got to the Galleria early. Too early as it turned out. So we bought our tickets and decided to have an early dinner at Barcelos. Well there we were gisting away when this beautiful woman came in with her 3 kids and a baby she was carrying wrapped in a white shawl. She was accompanied by another lady (i assume a friend) and they settled down to eat. Next thing i know, she is breastfeeding her baby. So my question is: Breastfeeding in public - yes or no?

  • Some men have had such a swell time over the years hurting so many women and the effects are frightening now. I am surrounded by women at work and in my personal life that are afraid to trust and have become truly jaded. Yesterday, i almost wept listening to 2 beautiful women that i work with - both engaged to be married saying things like "He definitely has to love me more than i love him", "I better protect my heart. Its better to not give my all now so that when he messes us, the hurting wont be so bad", "All men are all the same"...And on and on they went. I stepped in to say it wasnt right to think like that. That they were too young to feel this way but since i also know what they have been through, i can almost see where they are coming from. I am guilty of it too. I get a compliment and my first instinct is to think "Yeah right. You're lying. What do you want?". I process that in 30 seconds, then i smile and say thank you but i am now on the defensive waiting for the catch. How did we get here? And i know there are so so many women that are at this same place. I urge and i implore the women in my life to still believe in love, in gentlemen, in roses and candles even as i urge my heart to be free and relax some of the walls it has built around it. Then the other question comes - why do some men do this? I have a rather simplistic attitude to things. I go out on a date and i am not into you, i tell you. The thought of stringing you along as i date other people is not something i can ever do. Is it an Uzo thing? Or is it really true that men and women are different? Or is that simply an excuse for bad behaviour? Are women somewhat to blame for this nastiness in the sense that we expect men to act up so when they do, its almost a relief to be proven right? Is it really hard to be honest? In this world today, there are tons of women that wont mind being the chick on the side or sharing if the situation is laid bare - so why? Do men think that the women they use and hurt are people's daughters, sisters, friends and sometimes even mothers? I just wonder.....


16 comments:

LondonBuki said...

I am not a fan of breastfeeding in public...

The difference between me and some women is that they have enough reasons. I have not had my heart broken by a string of men but I have learned from experiences of friends and people around me... and I grew up not having faith in men and marriage.

Personally, I don't think it's a bad thing to be prepared for heart break (although one can never really be fully prepared) but I guess it's a problem when someone in a relationship keeps remind his or herself over and over again... that could ruin a good thing.

Soul said...

I'm allf or breastfeeding in public.. fact is.. the baby gotta eat. and Breastfeeding can be done in public but still discreetly, it can be done in away that you never really see the breast you just know that a baby is suckling.

I personally see no qualms with it at all.

re: being jaded.
A friend of mine said something to me once, she pilled me up and said... why are you not jaded?.
i said.. oh some people won't agree with you there..
I truly believe in my heart of hearts that people can be decent.
Despite all the wack shit, people do what they know how to do, so people grow up lying about trivial shit that they don't need to lie about.
when people come to me, I treat them as they show they want to be treated and whilst all people are not the same, it would be stupid if we completely ignore patterns.

But in love, my heart is open.. if you lie to me, it's on you, I'll leave, or change the way I deal with you, it doesn't change the way I deal with the next person I am with. I will be open, I will immerse myself in a relationship.. I'm not going to put some kinda wall up, life is too fucking short for that.. and at the end of the day.

LondonBuki said...

Kai, I just re-read and saw my typos... Kai!!! LOL!!!

I meant "keeps remindING herself"

Daddy's Girl said...

Breastfeeding in public - I think it's a matter for personal choice. If the mother is comfortable doing it, I don't think people should be offended/affronted by it. I find it strange when people complain about a mother breastfeeding her baby in public. There's nothing vulgar or wrong about it.

The other question... it's tough to do but I personally like Soul's take. I believe in putting 110% of myself into anything I really want to do. You can never fully love (or be fully loved) without being fully open... and with openness comes the possibility of pain. But if you shut down a part of yourself in order to avoid the pain, you're not living your life to the fullest - and that's sad. There's no fun in that. Life is for the living - you love, you get stung sometimes, you deal with the situation the best you can, you take time to heal, and you continue to live. The other thing is, to hurt is human. We all have the capacity to cause pain - at the end of the day it all comes down to the severity of the choices we make and their consequences. Sometimes we get so focused on protecting ourselves from being hurt by others that we forget that we can cause pain too. So I say it's best to be open. But it's hard - especially when you've been through the wringer. I still think it's the best way at the end of the day.

Daddy's Girl said...

Oh... and just want to add that I do think the fact that most women expect to be cheated on and lied to (and men know this) contributes to the problem many men have with being faithful/truthful. In the absence of some stronger factor (e.g. very strong values), people generally live up (or rather, down) to negative expectations.

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Naijadude said...

Breatfeeding in public? Shunning all the moraltiy concept or what not, a baby has to eat and its the mother's job not to feel any shame than to tend to the kid!

hmm love? when it seems like you are talking about women, or women's perspective here. I had the same convo last night. when the whole lovey-dovey comes along, people tend to selflessly get lost in it, with no defence shield, I am all for being defensive. I am cold hearted, well i like u and what not! But I wouldnt encourage anyone to give themselves wholly to their partner, what if they get failed? and they will be jaded? No hun, wake up be smart, defensive and cold, string along as it comes, and dont believe in all fairy tales!

Vickii said...

Brast feeding in public ... why not? I don't know if I would but I don't have a problem with other women doing it.

I think it's extrememely sad that so many women have been hurt so much that they can't trust or believe in anything good, but as with any other tragedy, I think you can't help that it happened in the first place but you can choose whether or not you let it affect your happiness forever.

SET said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
SET said...

Hmmmmm, My dear b4 i comment on love and men. Breast feeding in public, I don't like it at all, When I was younger it use to upset me highly now I feel like some people don't care so I don't care. I wouldnt do, I don't think I have enough breast to feed any baby period, lol.

Onto love and men, I have had and am going thru something similar at the moment. But I am hopeful and optimistic bcus God is on my side, I will be ok and good man will find me one day soon. We need to feel that way bcus it is the truth. Women shud not gave up, just walk away when u see the signs, its better to not invest in something u will still loose. I don't like dating especially when I see no potential. I have but as I get older it is not worth dating someone u hope could become the ONE.

laspapi said...

uzo- its a woman's perspective I see here like Naija Dude wrote.
The world is one that's built around free-will, and even if its hard to accept, either partner can make a choice to leave at anytime. Unfortunately, sometimes, the other's built hopes and castles and stuff around the departing partner.

I know of 'decent' and 'well-brought up' girls who jilted their men of many years and got married to others, 3 months after.
Its not a man-thing. The men just get bad press.

zaiprincesa said...

hmm..breastfeeding in public??..this has been a major issue here in the US cus some states wanted to ban it..but i believe if a woman does it discreetly..i.e, NOT in a restaurant, but maybe in a lil private corner of the women's lounge area in a department store..lol...then i believe it is ok..
And lets not even touch on men, women and heartbreak and stuff cus i could go on for days..i mean LITERARILY!!!..

azuka said...

Breastfeeding in public? I think it should be the woman's choice. I personally have anything against it.

As to love and being open,you never really know. I think relationships should be spontaneous and damning the risks of opening up completely. I mean, when you have two people in a relationship who're so stiff because they don't want to get hurt, they might as well be strangers.

azuka said...

Oops, mistake: I personally don't have anything against it.

Morountodun said...

Baby has got to eat but surely when the mother is out of the house the baby can have the bottle?

Nonesuch said...

I have 2 sons and i breast fed them both in public.Before i had them I never thot i would breast feed in public infact I was embarrassed when i see a child suckling.But I guess things change.
Love is a very strange thing. But I sincerely believe that men have a major role to play in helping build stong confident women who know they deserve the love. Every father, every husband,every Uncle, every brother , should help nuture the daugther, wife,niece,sister, they have in their lives. Show them love and teach them to know they are not to be used and abused.
Mothers should teach their sons also. things will definitely get better.