Friday, January 19, 2007

The end of life

I went to Tolu's funeral yesterday and it was one of the hardest things that i have ever had to do. I cried and cried till i could cry no more. A friend of mine - Tosin held my hand throughout. When the casket was being lowered, my knees actually gave way and Tosin had to hold me up.

When i got back to the office, i couldnt think and i guess the whole office was numb as well. I just shut down and went home. Didnt say too many words at home. Just went to my room and laid in the darkness till i fell asleep. I dreamt that i was stuck in the cemetary and couldnt find the way out so i kept going in circles and seeing some of the same headstones over and over again. I woke up sweating but remarkably calm

Why has this death hit me so hard? I am not sure. Maybe its because i saw her and witnessed her joy that day. Maybe its because of her age. Maybe its because of Chukwuma. Maybe its because it reminded me of my own mortality. Maybe its because i cant see what makes me different from her. Maybe its because, there are so many things i want to do and it seems that there is so little time. Maybe i am just scared.

Its all over now and life must go on right? But with a new perspective about things......

12 comments:

disgodkidd said...

hey, chin up...look at it this way..."the last enemy that shall be destroyed is death" 1 Corinthians 15v26...

azuka said...

Ndo. It shall be well, and remember, it is good to grieve. Don't lock it up inside -- let it all out...

NaijaBloke said...

Sorry to hear abt ur friend ..It shall be well ..Pray God give her family and fiancee the heart to bear the loss

Soul said...

I must apologise, I don't deal very well with death and loss but I need to say something to you.

Maybe it's because we are old enough now to fully realise the enormity and finality of death.

It is the end. Maybe because unlike ehwn we were younger, the fairy tale of a cloudy heaven surrounded by fluffy clouds is beginning to give away to the reality of dreams and a life just suddenly stopped.

maybe because you have loved and lost, struggled and overcome, persevered and appeared on the otherside..
maybe because now you have tasted true joy and know that is sweet yet bitter..

maybe because you know how hard people try to find that one person that they are willing to settle down with, that person you want to be with... that one person that most people spend a life time looking for and she found her 'one person' but not long enough to get to the end of 'the fantasy'; we all dream of

maybe now that you realise all of this, it hits you hard and deep in the gut.
Because you realise that, that could be you or any one of us.

maybe the reality of her death makes you want to examine the reality of life.

What ever it is my friend, whatever it is...
know, that your friend was blessed to have experienced inher short time here something which many will never experience. Many will fake it, many will mistake it, many will force it.
But your friend... your friend was loved.

And you wanna know something else Uzo....
You are loved as well. you are loved as well.

LondonBuki said...

Uzo, I am so sorry you feel the way you do right now and I hope and pray something, somewhere, somehow lifts your spirits.

It is Well...

Calabar Gal said...

May her soul rest in Perfect Peace. And grant her family and Chukwuma the grace and fortitude to bear the loss.

It is always so sad when people younger than we are die. A lady who attended the same college as me died, aged 26 from a heart attack! Just like that - no warning, no illness, nothing!! It left me stunned. Death really is horrible.

The Life of a Stranger called me said...

Nne Im sorry about your friend, its very sad indeed, but we just need to ask God to give us Joy and strenght to deal with each day at a time. Stay blessed.

Onada said...

im so sorry to hear about your friend PTS. i lost a friend as well- New years eve. i dont know if i've truly accepted it....i still look at the pictures we took 2 days before and think she's alive.......i guess we cant question God but instead focus on celebrating the life they lived and be happy that we got to know them.

Onada said...

im so sorry to hear about your friend PTS. i lost a friend as well- New years eve. i dont know if i've truly accepted it....i still look at the pictures we took 2 days before and think she's alive.......i guess we cant question God but instead focus on celebrating the life they lived and be happy that we got to know them.

exschoolnerd said...

i am sorry about ur friends demise.i have never had someone close to me die so i cant say i know what it feels like but i know it must be very hard.may her soul rest in peace.

Ms. May said...

Sending love and prayers your way that you will be able to find peace and some measure of understanding about what has happened. Maybe things like this happen to remind us to make the most of everyday that we have and not waste time being afraid....to tell the person you love how you feel, or to take the risk and start your own business or whatever...you get the picture. Stay up girl.

Uzo said...

Thanks a lot everyone for the words. I am truly truly thankful....