I went to Tolu's funeral yesterday and it was one of the hardest things that i have ever had to do. I cried and cried till i could cry no more. A friend of mine - Tosin held my hand throughout. When the casket was being lowered, my knees actually gave way and Tosin had to hold me up.
When i got back to the office, i couldnt think and i guess the whole office was numb as well. I just shut down and went home. Didnt say too many words at home. Just went to my room and laid in the darkness till i fell asleep. I dreamt that i was stuck in the cemetary and couldnt find the way out so i kept going in circles and seeing some of the same headstones over and over again. I woke up sweating but remarkably calm
Why has this death hit me so hard? I am not sure. Maybe its because i saw her and witnessed her joy that day. Maybe its because of her age. Maybe its because of Chukwuma. Maybe its because it reminded me of my own mortality. Maybe its because i cant see what makes me different from her. Maybe its because, there are so many things i want to do and it seems that there is so little time. Maybe i am just scared.
Its all over now and life must go on right? But with a new perspective about things......