I was so pre-occupied with my dance partner a few months ago and i shared that on this blog but the most amazing thing has happened: I am free. I dont feel much for him anymore - well no romantic feelings anymore. I hear about the women in his life and i am so fine. Frankly, its almost like i could care less about anything he does. He tells me what's going on with him and while i am interested and i am sure i say the right things, i dont go out of my way to be there for him anymore.
I cant explain what changed. Actually i would be lying there. I know exactly when my heart shut to him. I know the exact moment, the specific conversation, the exact moment and what he said that just gave me my "ah ha" moment.
And that's it. This time is different from the other times too when i let him go. Of course, i am glad i had those feelings for him, at least i know i am still capable of feeling big, explosive things but no more. I used to get so excited when i heard his voice, or saw him or received an email from him but now - nothing.
After i switched off him, i spoke with him and it was almost like i wasnt there. I was doing other things at the same time which was never the case. In the past, i would stop everything so i could really talk and listen to him. Now i am not sure i even remember anything that we said.
It feels good. I know that we could have been amazing together but i know now that it just wasnt meant to be.
Oh and the very confident part of me cant help thinking: You poor guy. What a shame you wont get a chance to experience what being in love with me is like. Pity that.....