Friday, February 23, 2007

Free at last.....

I was so pre-occupied with my dance partner a few months ago and i shared that on this blog but the most amazing thing has happened: I am free. I dont feel much for him anymore - well no romantic feelings anymore. I hear about the women in his life and i am so fine. Frankly, its almost like i could care less about anything he does. He tells me what's going on with him and while i am interested and i am sure i say the right things, i dont go out of my way to be there for him anymore.

I cant explain what changed. Actually i would be lying there. I know exactly when my heart shut to him. I know the exact moment, the specific conversation, the exact moment and what he said that just gave me my "ah ha" moment.

And that's it. This time is different from the other times too when i let him go. Of course, i am glad i had those feelings for him, at least i know i am still capable of feeling big, explosive things but no more. I used to get so excited when i heard his voice, or saw him or received an email from him but now - nothing.

After i switched off him, i spoke with him and it was almost like i wasnt there. I was doing other things at the same time which was never the case. In the past, i would stop everything so i could really talk and listen to him. Now i am not sure i even remember anything that we said.

It feels good. I know that we could have been amazing together but i know now that it just wasnt meant to be.

Oh and the very confident part of me cant help thinking: You poor guy. What a shame you wont get a chance to experience what being in love with me is like. Pity that.....

11 comments:

Nyemoni said...

whatever will be will be. It probably was not meant to be... I guess you were listening to your heart!

Gramps said...

Free at last? hahaha - were you in bondage before? Glad you've sorted yourself out.

What happened to Betty Boop's reviews? is it the 6.50am flights?

enjoy ur weekend

LondonBuki said...

You go Uzo!!! :-)

DiAmOnD hawk said...

it's always good when u can let things go...it's kinda like a weight has been lifted off. Somn similiar happened w/me and someone else...and then ONE DAY...all of a sudden..i literally just felt a release..it wasnt anything i worked towards...it just SUDDENLY happened and after that things were good

Nomad said...

Tread carefully, you can never tell with emotions; the tide can still turn.

Love grows only when you feed it. Although a good dose of reality comes in handy in killing it like it seemed to have happened here. I wonder if you were that far gone though; you know, like when people act like they've lost it, acting out of character and not caring. You are one strong woman.

Soul said...

well done Uzo.

The Life of a Stranger called me said...

I second you on what you've said - its so good to know you can feel something - atleast to remind you that you are sort of alive - and letting go is the most awsome feeling ever. I so understand what you are on about. Freedom indeed.

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Daddy's Girl said...

Wow... I'm happy for you that you've got closure - good thing you didn't take the advice of us romantics urging you to tell him how you felt - LOL... love the last bit of the post - poor, poor guy. Truly, he does not know what he's missing!

Kai at the long-ass mumbo-jumbo just before my comment - well, at least I now know the lyrics to 'If I only had a brain' from 'The Wizard of Oz' - might come in handy some day.

Adunni said...

For a brief second while reading this post, i was tempted to take a look at the header just to be sure i wasn't in my own blog, 'cos this is most definitely something i would have written. I'd been thinking about how i would post this stuff without sounding whinny but u've managed to do it so beautifully. That a'ha moment is the exact point when u start to really heal and move on it's like a weight suddenly leaves your heart and u feel sooo light.
Go girl 'cos like diamond said from now on only good things will happen.

Noni Moss said...

Ahhhhhhh - the "ah-ha" moment when something just clicks into place and you're like, "what am I doing? He's actually not all that. Or at least not anymore". Good for you! Nice to see you moving on with your life!

So give us a sneak preview ;-) which Bachelor and who is he?