If anyone as any thoughts or answers, do share:
If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
Friday, November 03, 2006
Women's Issue - Honor Killings
Honour" killings of women can be defined as acts of murder in which "a woman is killed for her actual or perceived immoral behavior." Such "immoral behavior" may take the form of marital infidelity, refusing to submit to an arranged marriage, demanding a divorce, flirting with or receiving phone calls from men, failing to serve a meal on time, or -- grotesquely -- "allowing herself" to be raped.
In the Turkish province of Sanliurfa, one young woman's "throat was slit in the town square because a love ballad was dedicated to her over the radio." Most "honour" killings of women occur in Muslim countries, but it is worth noting that no sanction for such murders is granted in Islamic religion or law. And the phenomenon is in any case a global one. Such killings have been reported in Bangladesh, Britain, Brazil, Ecuador, Egypt, India, Israel, Italy, Jordan, Pakistan, Morocco, Sweden, Turkey and Uganda. Afghanistan, where the practice is condoned under the rule of the fundamentalist Taliban movement, can be added to the list, along with Iraq and Iran.
Pakistan
In Pakistan, "honour" killings are known as karo-kari, and is probably the country where such atrocities are most pervasive. Estimating the scale of the phenomenon there, as elsewhere, is made more difficult not only by the problems of data collection in predominantly rural countries, but by the extent to which community members and political authorities collaborate in covering up the atrocities.
According to Yasmeen Hassan, author of The Haven Becomes Hell: A Study of Domestic Violence in Pakistan, "The concepts of women as property and honor are so deeply entrenched in the social, political and economic fabric of Pakistan that the government, for the most part, ignores the daily occurrences of women being killed and maimed by their families. Frequently, women murdered in "honour" killings are recorded as having committed suicide or died in accidents.
One of the most notorious "honour" killings of recent years occurred in April 1999, when Samia Imran, a young married woman, "was shot in the office of a lawyer helping her to seek a divorce which her family could never countenance." According to Suzanne Goldenberg,
Samia, 28, arrived at the Lahore law offices of Hina Jilani and Asma Jahangir, who are sisters, on April 6. She had engaged Jilani a few days earlier, because she wanted a divorce from her violent husband. Samia settled on a chair across the desk from the lawyer. Sultana, Samia's mother, entered five minutes later with a male companion. Samia half-rose in greeting. The man, Habib-ur-Rhemna, grabbed Samia and put a pistol to her head. The first bullet entered near Samia's eye and she fell. "There was no scream. There was dead silence. I don't even think she knew what was happening," Jilani said. The killer stood over Samia's body, and fired again. Jilani reached for the alarm button as the gunman and Sultana left. "She never even bothered to look whether the girl was dead."
The aftermath of the murder was equally revealing: Members of Pakistan's upper house demanded punishment for the two women [lawyers] and none of Pakistan's political leaders condemned the attack. The clergy in Peshawar want the lawyers to be put to death" for trying to help Imran.
According to Goldenberg, "Those who kill for honour [in Pakistan] are almost never punished. In the rare instances [that] cases reach the courts, the killers are sentenced to just two or three years. Hana Jilani [the Jahore lawyer who witnessed Samia Imran's murder] has collected 150 case studies and in only eight did the judges reject the argument that the women were killed for honour. All the other [perpetrators] were let off, or given reduced sentences."
Zahida Perveen's head is shrouded in a white cotton veil, which she self-consciously tightens every few moments. But when she reaches down to her baby daughter, the veil falls away to reveal the face of one of Pakistan's most horrific social ills, broadly known as "honour" crimes. Perveen's eyes are empty sockets of unseeing flesh, her earlobes have been sliced off, and her nose is a gaping, reddened stump of bone. Sixteen months ago, her husband, in a fit of rage over her alleged affair with a brother-in-law, bound her hands and feet and slashed her with a razor and knife. She was three months pregnant at the time. "He came home from the mosque and accused me of having a bad character," the tiny, 32-year-old woman murmured as she awaited a court hearing ... "I told him it was not true, but he didn't believe me. He caught me and tied me up, and then he started cutting my face. He never said a word except, "This is your last night." Perveen's husband stated in court that "What I did was wrong, but I am satisfied. I did it for my honour and prestige."
Often burning or scarring with acid are the preferred weapons of the men committing such crimes. The Progressive Women's Association, which assists attack victims, tracked 3,560 women who were hospitalized after being attacked at home with fire, gasoline or acid between 1994 and 1999. About half the victims died. Lawyer and women's activist Nahida Mahbooba Elahi states that "We deal with these cases every day, but I have seen very few convictions. The men say the wife didn't obey their orders, or was having relations with someone else. The police often say it is a domestic matter and refuse to pursue the case. Some judges even justify it and do not consider it murder."
Such crimes are also rife in Bangladesh, formerly East Pakistan, where some 2,200 women are disfigured every year in acid attacks by jealous or estranged men. In August 1999, an international furore erupted when the Pakistani Senate rejected a resolution by former Prime Minister Benazhir Butto to condemn "honour" killings in the country. In April 2000, the head of the Pakistani military regime, General Pervez Musharraf, pledged that his government would take strong measures to curb "honour" killings. "Such acts do not find a place in our religion or law," Musharraf stated. "Killing in the name of honour is murder, and it will be treated as such." Most observers were skeptical, however, that Musharraf's words would be followed up by committed actions.
While the victims of Pakistani "honour" killings are overwhelmingly female, tradition dictates that males involved in the "crimes" should face death as well. But the accused women are standardly killed first, giving men a chance to flee retribution. Moreover, targeted men can escape death by paying compensation to the family of the female victim, leading to an "'honour killing industry' involving tribespeople, police and tribal mediators," which "provides many opportunities to make money, [or] obtain a woman in compensation," according to Amnesty International. The organization also states: "Reports abound about men who have killed other men in murders not connected with honour issues who then kill a woman of their own family ... to camouflage the initial murder as an honour killing."
Jordan
In Jordan, "honour" killings are sanctioned by law. According to Article 340 of the criminal code, "A husband or a close blood relative who kills a woman caught in a situation highly suspicious of adultery will be totally exempt from sentence." Article 98, meanwhile, guarantees a lighter sentence for male killers of female relatives who have committed an "act which is illicit in the eyes of the perpetrator."
In an incident in 1999, a 19-year-old man, Hussein Suleiman "was accused of driving three times over his six-month-pregnant unmarried sister in a pick-up truck, despite her denials of immoral behaviour and pleas for help.
In a particularly tragic case in 1994, a handicapped 18-year-old girl, who had already served six months in jail for becoming pregnant out of wedlock, was killed by her 17-year-old brother. A neighbour was quoted as saying the family "seemed relaxed, happy and satisfied after announcing the news that she was killed .
Reporter Julian Borger described another typical case in 1997:
One morning this summer, Rania Arafat's two aunts came to take her for a walk. They told their 21-year-old niece they had arranged a secret meeting with her boyfriend. She strolled with them through Gwiesmeh, a poor suburb where Amman's concrete sprawl peters out into desert. When the three women reached a patch of open land, the aunts suddenly stepped aside, leaving Arafat standing alone. She was shot four times in the back of the head at close range and once in the forehead. The gunman was her 17-year-old brother, Rami. ... Arafat's crime was to refuse an arranged marriage and elope with her Iraqi boyfriend. Rami is in jail, but is unlikely to be sentenced to more than a few months, especially as he is a minor, which is almost certainly why he was given the role of executioner. (Borger, "In Cold Blood.")
The Jordan Times estimated in 1994 that between 28 and 60 Jordanian women die in "honour" killings every year. The death-toll may even run into the hundreds, with hundreds more women in perpetual hiding, fearful for their lives.
One positive sign is the staunch opposition to the practice displayed by the regime of King Abdullah II, who took power after the death of his father King Hussein in 1999. The king has backed legislation to put honor killings on a par with other murders and has encouraged public support to change the law. The fact that the royal palace has taken such a stance has translated into tougher sentencing and investigations of honor killings by the courts and police. The king's support has also encouraged activist groups to speak out more strongly against honor killings.
Such efforts continue to encounter staunch resistance from conservative elements, however. In early February 2000, the Jordanian parliament "took only three minutes to reject a draft law calling for the cancellation of Article 340." The country's leading political party, the Islamic Action Front (IAF), denounced the draft law as an effort to "destroy our Islamic, social and family values, by stripping the man from his humanity, [and] not allowing him to get angry when he is surprised by [i.e., surprises] his wife committing adultery." Ten days later, in an unprecedented action, some 5,000 protesters flooded the streets of Amman demanding the repeal of the penal code provision allowing "honour" killings. The protesters included "Prince Ali, who is King Abdullah's brother and his personal guard, as well as Prince Gazi, the king's advisor for tribal affairs."
Palestine/Israel
"Honour" killings are also regularly reported in the Palestinian territories of the West Bank and Gaza Strip.
In the Canadian women's magazine Chatelaine, Sally Armstrong described the fate of one victim: Flirting was a costly mistake for Samera. She was only 15 years old when her neighbours in Salfeet, a small Palestinian town on the West Bank, saw her chatting with a young man without a male chaperone. Her family's honour was at stake; a marriage was quickly arranged. By 16, she had a child. Five years later, when she could stand the bogus marriage no longer, she bolted. In a place where gossip is traded like hard currency, and a girl's chastity is as public as her name, Samera's actions were considered akin to making a date with the devil. According to the gossips, she went from man to man as she moved from place to place. Finally, in July 1999, her family caught up with her. A few days later she was found stuffed down a well. Her neck had been broken. Her father told the coroner she'd committed suicide. But everyone on the grapevine knew that Samera was a victim of honour killing, murdered by her own family because her actions brought dishonour to their name. ...
In the West Bank, the Palestinian Authority law allows honour killing. Samera's parents are walking the streets of their neighbourhood with their heads held high, relieved that the family honour has been restored.
Twenty-two other women died in the Palestinian territories in the same year as Samera. The killings often spill over into neighbouring Israel, as with the killing of "40-year-old Ittihaj Hassoon" near Haifa in 1995: On Oct. 16, 1995, Hassoon got out of a car with her younger brother on a main street of Daliat al Carmel, a small Israeli Druze village. Over 10 years before, Ittihaj had committed the unpardonable sin of marrying a non-Druze man. Now, after luring her back to her home village with promises that all was forgiven and her safety assured, her brother finally had the chance to publicly cleanse the blot on the family name with the spilling of her blood. In broad daylight in front of witnesses, he pulled out a knife and began to stab her. The witnesses quickly swelled to a crowd of more than 100 villagers who approving, urging him on, chanted, ululated, danced in the street. Within minutes, Hassoon lay dead on the ground while the crowd cheered her killer, "Hero, hero! You are a real man!"
Who is responsible?
"Honour" killings of women (and occasionally their male "partners in crime") reflect longstanding patriarchal-tribal traditions. In a bizarre duality, women are viewed on the one hand as fragile creatures who need protection and on the other as evil Jezebels from whom society needs protection. Patriarchal tradition casts the male as the sole protector of the female so he must have total control of her. If his protection is violated, he loses honour because either he failed to protect her or he failed to bring her up correctly.Clearly, the vulnerability of women around the world to this type of violence will only be reduced when these patriarchal mindsets are challenged and effectively confronted.
As many of the examples cited here indicate, state authorities frequently ignore their obligation to prosecute "honour" killings. They should be viewed as "co-conspirators" in such crimes, and held accountable by organizations such as the United Nations.
The typical "honour" killer is a man, usually the father, husband, or brother of the victim. Frequently teenage brothers are selected by their family or community to be the executioners, because their sentences will generally be lighter than those handed down to adults (as was the case with the killing of Rania Arafat in Jordan, cited above).
As with witch-hunts, however, "honour" killings also need to be viewed from a broader societal perspective; they derive from expectations of female behaviour that are held and perpetuated by men and women alike. Women's role has often been underappreciated. Occasionally, they participate directly in the killings. More frequently, they play a leading role in preparing the ground. In Palestine, for example, the anthropologist Ilsa Glaser has noted that "women acted as instigators and collaborators in these murders, unleashing a torrent of gossip that spurred the accusations."
Jordanian women running for parliament have also been "reluctant to break the taboo" on condemning and prosecuting "honour" killings. One told the Manchester Guardian Weekly that "This is our tradition. We do not want to encourage women who break up the family." In the Ramle district of Israel, police commander Yifrach Duchovey lamented his inability to secure the cooperation of community members in investigating "honour" killings: "Even other women, the mothers, won't cooperate with us. Sometimes the women co-operate with the men who commit the murders. A woman may think it is OK -- maybe she thinks the victim deserves it."
According to Zima, "Ibrahim had agonized over his decision: 'She is my sister -- my flesh and blood -- I am a human being. I didn't want to kill her. I didn't want to be in this situation. They [community members] push[ed] me to make this decision. I know what they expect from me. If I do this, they look at me like a hero, a clean guy, a real man. If I don't kill my sister, the people would look at me like I am a small person.'"
In the Turkish province of Sanliurfa, one young woman's "throat was slit in the town square because a love ballad was dedicated to her over the radio." Most "honour" killings of women occur in Muslim countries, but it is worth noting that no sanction for such murders is granted in Islamic religion or law. And the phenomenon is in any case a global one. Such killings have been reported in Bangladesh, Britain, Brazil, Ecuador, Egypt, India, Israel, Italy, Jordan, Pakistan, Morocco, Sweden, Turkey and Uganda. Afghanistan, where the practice is condoned under the rule of the fundamentalist Taliban movement, can be added to the list, along with Iraq and Iran.
Pakistan
In Pakistan, "honour" killings are known as karo-kari, and is probably the country where such atrocities are most pervasive. Estimating the scale of the phenomenon there, as elsewhere, is made more difficult not only by the problems of data collection in predominantly rural countries, but by the extent to which community members and political authorities collaborate in covering up the atrocities.
According to Yasmeen Hassan, author of The Haven Becomes Hell: A Study of Domestic Violence in Pakistan, "The concepts of women as property and honor are so deeply entrenched in the social, political and economic fabric of Pakistan that the government, for the most part, ignores the daily occurrences of women being killed and maimed by their families. Frequently, women murdered in "honour" killings are recorded as having committed suicide or died in accidents.
One of the most notorious "honour" killings of recent years occurred in April 1999, when Samia Imran, a young married woman, "was shot in the office of a lawyer helping her to seek a divorce which her family could never countenance." According to Suzanne Goldenberg,
Samia, 28, arrived at the Lahore law offices of Hina Jilani and Asma Jahangir, who are sisters, on April 6. She had engaged Jilani a few days earlier, because she wanted a divorce from her violent husband. Samia settled on a chair across the desk from the lawyer. Sultana, Samia's mother, entered five minutes later with a male companion. Samia half-rose in greeting. The man, Habib-ur-Rhemna, grabbed Samia and put a pistol to her head. The first bullet entered near Samia's eye and she fell. "There was no scream. There was dead silence. I don't even think she knew what was happening," Jilani said. The killer stood over Samia's body, and fired again. Jilani reached for the alarm button as the gunman and Sultana left. "She never even bothered to look whether the girl was dead."
The aftermath of the murder was equally revealing: Members of Pakistan's upper house demanded punishment for the two women [lawyers] and none of Pakistan's political leaders condemned the attack. The clergy in Peshawar want the lawyers to be put to death" for trying to help Imran.
According to Goldenberg, "Those who kill for honour [in Pakistan] are almost never punished. In the rare instances [that] cases reach the courts, the killers are sentenced to just two or three years. Hana Jilani [the Jahore lawyer who witnessed Samia Imran's murder] has collected 150 case studies and in only eight did the judges reject the argument that the women were killed for honour. All the other [perpetrators] were let off, or given reduced sentences."
Zahida Perveen's head is shrouded in a white cotton veil, which she self-consciously tightens every few moments. But when she reaches down to her baby daughter, the veil falls away to reveal the face of one of Pakistan's most horrific social ills, broadly known as "honour" crimes. Perveen's eyes are empty sockets of unseeing flesh, her earlobes have been sliced off, and her nose is a gaping, reddened stump of bone. Sixteen months ago, her husband, in a fit of rage over her alleged affair with a brother-in-law, bound her hands and feet and slashed her with a razor and knife. She was three months pregnant at the time. "He came home from the mosque and accused me of having a bad character," the tiny, 32-year-old woman murmured as she awaited a court hearing ... "I told him it was not true, but he didn't believe me. He caught me and tied me up, and then he started cutting my face. He never said a word except, "This is your last night." Perveen's husband stated in court that "What I did was wrong, but I am satisfied. I did it for my honour and prestige."
Often burning or scarring with acid are the preferred weapons of the men committing such crimes. The Progressive Women's Association, which assists attack victims, tracked 3,560 women who were hospitalized after being attacked at home with fire, gasoline or acid between 1994 and 1999. About half the victims died. Lawyer and women's activist Nahida Mahbooba Elahi states that "We deal with these cases every day, but I have seen very few convictions. The men say the wife didn't obey their orders, or was having relations with someone else. The police often say it is a domestic matter and refuse to pursue the case. Some judges even justify it and do not consider it murder."
Such crimes are also rife in Bangladesh, formerly East Pakistan, where some 2,200 women are disfigured every year in acid attacks by jealous or estranged men. In August 1999, an international furore erupted when the Pakistani Senate rejected a resolution by former Prime Minister Benazhir Butto to condemn "honour" killings in the country. In April 2000, the head of the Pakistani military regime, General Pervez Musharraf, pledged that his government would take strong measures to curb "honour" killings. "Such acts do not find a place in our religion or law," Musharraf stated. "Killing in the name of honour is murder, and it will be treated as such." Most observers were skeptical, however, that Musharraf's words would be followed up by committed actions.
While the victims of Pakistani "honour" killings are overwhelmingly female, tradition dictates that males involved in the "crimes" should face death as well. But the accused women are standardly killed first, giving men a chance to flee retribution. Moreover, targeted men can escape death by paying compensation to the family of the female victim, leading to an "'honour killing industry' involving tribespeople, police and tribal mediators," which "provides many opportunities to make money, [or] obtain a woman in compensation," according to Amnesty International. The organization also states: "Reports abound about men who have killed other men in murders not connected with honour issues who then kill a woman of their own family ... to camouflage the initial murder as an honour killing."
Jordan
In Jordan, "honour" killings are sanctioned by law. According to Article 340 of the criminal code, "A husband or a close blood relative who kills a woman caught in a situation highly suspicious of adultery will be totally exempt from sentence." Article 98, meanwhile, guarantees a lighter sentence for male killers of female relatives who have committed an "act which is illicit in the eyes of the perpetrator."
In an incident in 1999, a 19-year-old man, Hussein Suleiman "was accused of driving three times over his six-month-pregnant unmarried sister in a pick-up truck, despite her denials of immoral behaviour and pleas for help.
In a particularly tragic case in 1994, a handicapped 18-year-old girl, who had already served six months in jail for becoming pregnant out of wedlock, was killed by her 17-year-old brother. A neighbour was quoted as saying the family "seemed relaxed, happy and satisfied after announcing the news that she was killed .
Reporter Julian Borger described another typical case in 1997:
One morning this summer, Rania Arafat's two aunts came to take her for a walk. They told their 21-year-old niece they had arranged a secret meeting with her boyfriend. She strolled with them through Gwiesmeh, a poor suburb where Amman's concrete sprawl peters out into desert. When the three women reached a patch of open land, the aunts suddenly stepped aside, leaving Arafat standing alone. She was shot four times in the back of the head at close range and once in the forehead. The gunman was her 17-year-old brother, Rami. ... Arafat's crime was to refuse an arranged marriage and elope with her Iraqi boyfriend. Rami is in jail, but is unlikely to be sentenced to more than a few months, especially as he is a minor, which is almost certainly why he was given the role of executioner. (Borger, "In Cold Blood.")
The Jordan Times estimated in 1994 that between 28 and 60 Jordanian women die in "honour" killings every year. The death-toll may even run into the hundreds, with hundreds more women in perpetual hiding, fearful for their lives.
One positive sign is the staunch opposition to the practice displayed by the regime of King Abdullah II, who took power after the death of his father King Hussein in 1999. The king has backed legislation to put honor killings on a par with other murders and has encouraged public support to change the law. The fact that the royal palace has taken such a stance has translated into tougher sentencing and investigations of honor killings by the courts and police. The king's support has also encouraged activist groups to speak out more strongly against honor killings.
Such efforts continue to encounter staunch resistance from conservative elements, however. In early February 2000, the Jordanian parliament "took only three minutes to reject a draft law calling for the cancellation of Article 340." The country's leading political party, the Islamic Action Front (IAF), denounced the draft law as an effort to "destroy our Islamic, social and family values, by stripping the man from his humanity, [and] not allowing him to get angry when he is surprised by [i.e., surprises] his wife committing adultery." Ten days later, in an unprecedented action, some 5,000 protesters flooded the streets of Amman demanding the repeal of the penal code provision allowing "honour" killings. The protesters included "Prince Ali, who is King Abdullah's brother and his personal guard, as well as Prince Gazi, the king's advisor for tribal affairs."
Palestine/Israel
"Honour" killings are also regularly reported in the Palestinian territories of the West Bank and Gaza Strip.
In the Canadian women's magazine Chatelaine, Sally Armstrong described the fate of one victim: Flirting was a costly mistake for Samera. She was only 15 years old when her neighbours in Salfeet, a small Palestinian town on the West Bank, saw her chatting with a young man without a male chaperone. Her family's honour was at stake; a marriage was quickly arranged. By 16, she had a child. Five years later, when she could stand the bogus marriage no longer, she bolted. In a place where gossip is traded like hard currency, and a girl's chastity is as public as her name, Samera's actions were considered akin to making a date with the devil. According to the gossips, she went from man to man as she moved from place to place. Finally, in July 1999, her family caught up with her. A few days later she was found stuffed down a well. Her neck had been broken. Her father told the coroner she'd committed suicide. But everyone on the grapevine knew that Samera was a victim of honour killing, murdered by her own family because her actions brought dishonour to their name. ...
In the West Bank, the Palestinian Authority law allows honour killing. Samera's parents are walking the streets of their neighbourhood with their heads held high, relieved that the family honour has been restored.
Twenty-two other women died in the Palestinian territories in the same year as Samera. The killings often spill over into neighbouring Israel, as with the killing of "40-year-old Ittihaj Hassoon" near Haifa in 1995: On Oct. 16, 1995, Hassoon got out of a car with her younger brother on a main street of Daliat al Carmel, a small Israeli Druze village. Over 10 years before, Ittihaj had committed the unpardonable sin of marrying a non-Druze man. Now, after luring her back to her home village with promises that all was forgiven and her safety assured, her brother finally had the chance to publicly cleanse the blot on the family name with the spilling of her blood. In broad daylight in front of witnesses, he pulled out a knife and began to stab her. The witnesses quickly swelled to a crowd of more than 100 villagers who approving, urging him on, chanted, ululated, danced in the street. Within minutes, Hassoon lay dead on the ground while the crowd cheered her killer, "Hero, hero! You are a real man!"
Who is responsible?
"Honour" killings of women (and occasionally their male "partners in crime") reflect longstanding patriarchal-tribal traditions. In a bizarre duality, women are viewed on the one hand as fragile creatures who need protection and on the other as evil Jezebels from whom society needs protection. Patriarchal tradition casts the male as the sole protector of the female so he must have total control of her. If his protection is violated, he loses honour because either he failed to protect her or he failed to bring her up correctly.Clearly, the vulnerability of women around the world to this type of violence will only be reduced when these patriarchal mindsets are challenged and effectively confronted.
As many of the examples cited here indicate, state authorities frequently ignore their obligation to prosecute "honour" killings. They should be viewed as "co-conspirators" in such crimes, and held accountable by organizations such as the United Nations.
The typical "honour" killer is a man, usually the father, husband, or brother of the victim. Frequently teenage brothers are selected by their family or community to be the executioners, because their sentences will generally be lighter than those handed down to adults (as was the case with the killing of Rania Arafat in Jordan, cited above).
As with witch-hunts, however, "honour" killings also need to be viewed from a broader societal perspective; they derive from expectations of female behaviour that are held and perpetuated by men and women alike. Women's role has often been underappreciated. Occasionally, they participate directly in the killings. More frequently, they play a leading role in preparing the ground. In Palestine, for example, the anthropologist Ilsa Glaser has noted that "women acted as instigators and collaborators in these murders, unleashing a torrent of gossip that spurred the accusations."
Jordanian women running for parliament have also been "reluctant to break the taboo" on condemning and prosecuting "honour" killings. One told the Manchester Guardian Weekly that "This is our tradition. We do not want to encourage women who break up the family." In the Ramle district of Israel, police commander Yifrach Duchovey lamented his inability to secure the cooperation of community members in investigating "honour" killings: "Even other women, the mothers, won't cooperate with us. Sometimes the women co-operate with the men who commit the murders. A woman may think it is OK -- maybe she thinks the victim deserves it."
According to Zima, "Ibrahim had agonized over his decision: 'She is my sister -- my flesh and blood -- I am a human being. I didn't want to kill her. I didn't want to be in this situation. They [community members] push[ed] me to make this decision. I know what they expect from me. If I do this, they look at me like a hero, a clean guy, a real man. If I don't kill my sister, the people would look at me like I am a small person.'"
Obasanjo the jester!
After the fatal crash on Sunday, the government has taken the aviation minister out of office and replaced him with - wait for it and drum roll please: Controversial mouthpiece of the government and former minister of culture: Fani Kayode.
What the hell? Fani Kayode couldnt handle being a propaganda master properly, then he was moved to culture(that crass man wouldnt know culture if it knocked him out), now he is in charge of aviation?
Lord help us all.
What the hell? Fani Kayode couldnt handle being a propaganda master properly, then he was moved to culture(that crass man wouldnt know culture if it knocked him out), now he is in charge of aviation?
Lord help us all.
Soundbyte!
Todays song is hot, hot, hot. Overly sexy songs dont really do it for me, but i have loved this song since the first time i heard it. It makes me smile and i feel the naughty side of me kicking in:
Ying Yang Twins - The Whisper Song (Remix)
Can i say it again: Hot, Hot, Hot. Sure the bleating sounds of the ying yang twins irritates me and i am not a huge fan of this "dirty south" thing but they really went to town on this one. A song that is whispered? Genius. The beat is hot. The video is smashing. All black backgrounds and slithering bodies. And the twins actually got into suits and didnt look half bad.
Listen to the words of this song...Sure there are some bad words in there. But its like reading Delot's blog (I miss him). The bad words just help to get the message across. Free in her rap says something along the lines of her boy shorts causing some serious trouble. Busta says something about the edge of the bed.
Naughty hot song for friday. Enjoy!
*Let me know if you would like this song*
Thursday, November 02, 2006
Followup: U.S. female circumcision case fuels hot debate in Africa
ADDIS ABABA, Ethiopia (Reuters) -- The jailing of an Ethiopian in the United States for circumcising his 2-year-old daughter with scissors has fueled a passionate debate across Africa, with many approving the punishment but some urging understanding. In what is believed to be the first such case in the United States, Khalid Adem on Wednesday was sentenced to 10 years in prison for removing his 2-year-old daughter's clitoris in 2001. The practice arouses horror in the West, but is still widespread in many of Africa's traditional societies.
"The punishment is appropriate because what he did is a violation of child rights," Bulti Gueteema, a senior official in Ethiopia's Ministry of Women's Affairs, told Reuters. 'You cannot jail an entire community'
Ethiopian mother Elizabeth Gorge said it was "revolting" for a father to circumcise his own daughter by himself. "Even the uneducated parents in rural areas do not do such practices on their own, they always seek assistance of women who specialize in this," she said in Addis Ababa. Ethiopian Prime Minister Meles Zenawi said the practice was outlawed but still common in his Horn of Africa nation. "If a whole community is involved in this practice, you cannot jail an entire community. You have to change the mindset, and that takes time," he said last week.
The practice, also known as female circumcision, usually involves cutting off the clitoris and other genitalia parts. It is often carried out by an older woman with no medical training, using anything from scissors to pieces of glass under no anesthetics or antiseptic treatment. An estimated 3 million girls and women are mutilated or cut each year on the African continent, the United Nations' children's agency UNICEF says, in a custom viewed in many traditional cultures as a necessary rite of passage.
Circumcision is also used to control or reduce women's sexual desire to lessen the chance of promiscuity in marriage. The practice disfigures and sometimes kills girls from intense infection, causes extreme pain, psychological harm, problems with urination, complicates childbirth later in life, and reduces sexual pleasure for women, opponents say. As populations move West, the custom has followed in immigrant communities.
"As long as this happens in a civilized society in the United States, it means our effort to eradicate this practice has failed," said Bjorn Ljungqvist, of UNICEF in Ethiopia.
In Kenya, it is known to be still common among traditional communities like the Masai.
"If a woman is not cut, she remains a baby forever and cannot perform social rites with other women," Ben Koissaba, a Masai elder in Kenya, told Reuters by telephone from the town of Narok in Kenya's Rift Valley. "This (Ethiopian) man was doing it because he thought it would be a bad omen on his child if he did not. Maybe he should have been reprimanded not jailed, but we should try to understand his culture."
In some Muslim countries of west Africa, considered among the continent's most conservative cultures, mutilation is common. Nine of 10 Malian women have undergone mutilation, for example, a European parliamentarian said this year. "Circumcision is an affront to the physical and moral integrity of a woman and that is why I will always be against the practice," said Hadiza Moussa, a female teacher in Niamey, capital of Niger. "Just like a man, a woman has her natural desires, notably to draw pleasure from sexual relations. No, we must outlaw this practice everywhere, especially because it can result in sterility."
Panic!
Yesterday was another one to add to my trove of memories. My mom has been away from home for a month and a delegation of people were at the airport to pick her up yesterday. The flight arrival time: 3.30pm.
I called at 4.30pm to speak with her and i was told she wasnt out yet. My sister had already told me that she had extra bags (typical) so i figured all the bags werent out yet. At 6pm, she still wasnt out and there was still no word from her. I called my sister who confirmed that she was indeed on that flight and had no other information. By 8pm, we all panicking. We called the airline and they were closed with no other means of getting information. The people at the airport couldnt get any additional information and after speaking with police and other officials in the airport, we ascertained that she was not on that flight.
My dad and I were frantic with worry. My other sister confirmed that my mom called her just as the flight was supposed to leave JFK. So we deduced that the problem had to have arisen between JFK - Amsterdam, or on the Amsterdam - Lagos leg. My mom is one strong woman but she is also diabetic and sometimes forgets to take her medicine. Could she have passed out or gotten ill somewhere along the way?
What were we going to do? My dad got in touch with some people and got a number for the airport in Amsterdam. He called and was directed to KLM's desk there. Understanding us was an issue so he was told to call back when someone that could understand english adequately was on hand. We were frantic with worry and from my previous post about loss, you can imagine how i felt.
I then suggested that we call Richard the travel agent. Yes it was late but maybe he would be able to go back to their office and log onto their system and track her using the manifest or something. My mother was missing dammit. We were prepared to go to his house and pick him up and take him to his office...Do anything to make sure we got some answers.
Richard answered the phone very sleepily. As i cried on the phone and told him my mother was missing and we needed his help immediately, he was quiet. He then interrupted me and said :But madam is coming back tomorrow.
Huh? Apparently, we got it all wrong. Her layover in Amsterdam is pretty long but she gets back at 3.30pm TODAY.
Go figure......My dad and i after getting our hearts under control started to laugh and laugh. We could not believe it. We checked her itinerary she left us and there it was in black and white: November 2nd.
She will get a huge kick out of this tonight.....
My Song of the day!
I adore this song and its part of my obsession with India and all things Indian. Its actually from a movie and its:
Lucky Ali's Kabhi Aisa Laghta Hai.
Its not in english obviously but i think its a pretty modern song. Its almost alternativey. Its been playing in my ear all day. A little taste of Bollywood. Its my soundbite for the day so give it a listen and let me know what you think.
*Let me know if you would like this song*
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
Song of the Day!
Oh this song tickles me every day i hear it. All i can think of is the revolution it caused including a "response song".
TLC - No Scrubs
I was in university when this song hit. And it caused so much uproar worldwide. The men i knew were soooo mad at the guts TLC had to sing about thins including some of the scrubs. The video was all futuristic with silver banks and chunky boots and a swing. Remember that? Then some group came up with the song "No Pigeons" as a comeback to it. What was the name of that group again? Sticky something?
This song really got me thinking...Some guys were and still are scrubs. Back in the day, i remember the toasters coming to my house. Only one guy was the toaster but he would come with friends that all squeezed into a car. Why?
Today, the scrubs are on a different level. They never have credit and so they have become experts at flashing or calling from business centers or other people's phones. They are supported by their partners: be it sending them credit, paying for all their meals etc....
Anyway, here's to TLC for making us laugh and dance.
*Let me know if you would like this song*
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
My song of the Day!
I am a hopeless romantic. Believer in possibilities. I love love. I am a matchmaker, fixer-up, wedding planner, proposal planner, ring purchaser....I love love.
This song ranks on my list of top proposal songs:
Ruff Endz - Will you be mine
There are no words to express how i feel whenever i hear this song. The intensity of emotion in the delivery of the lyrics. Priceless. The chorus goes like this:
Will you be mine on this day/ Will you be the sunshine in May/ Will you be the stars in my night/ Will you be the joy of my life/ Will you be my everything/ Will you be the happy song i sing/ Will you be the love i cant deny/ Will you be the love of all time/ Will you be mine
I tell myself that God will have given me the ultimate gift, the day that someone expresses sentiments like this about me. A lot of the time, we want to inspire feeling in others. In my case, i am a giver..too much so sometimes. So I in turn want to be able to look at him and be weak in the knees. To feel short of breath everytime he smiles at me. I want to feel like the words of this song as much as i want to be the object of his affection.
I confuse myself....I am such a traditional woman at heart but also very much a modern one. Make sense?
Anyway, this is the song that has been playing in my ear over and over. Click on the player to hear the song.
*Let me know if you would like this song*
Updates!
When i got home last night, my dad had company and i joined in for a quick chat. Out of that came some feedback on the cause of the fatal ADC plane crash:
The pilot was told by the control tower to wait a few minutes on the runway. Was told that even though he was clear to take off, there were strong winds that would hit a few minutes into the flight. This conversation was heard by pilots in Virgin Nigeria and AeroContractor planes that were queued behind the ADC plane awaiting clearance for take-off. The pilot said he could maneuver his way around it. He took off and made a right bank to face Sokoto when the winds in question hit the plane and literally slammed the plane to the ground. This was especially made worse by the fact that the plane hadnt reached cruising altitude and hadnt even straightened out after take-off.
Now, the sources of this information are active in the aviation sector and are actually heads of some agencies in that sector. One of the survivors - a female youth corper was thrown clear out of the plane and was completely unscathed.
The lack of emergency response made helping the injured woeful. The head of Nigeria's fire service was spewing fire. He was sooo mad. He said to reporters that it was dismal that since the colonialists handed Nigeria back to us, the fire service has remained the same. He said absolutely nothing meaningful has been done and apparently his portfolio is deemed inconsequential in comparison to other matters of state.
I wonder what Obasanjo is thinking. The superstitious part of me thinks God is sending the man a sign. In his presidency, he lost his wife, 3 major airlines have crashed, one crash containing military personnel, several near incidents. On the other hand, i have to wonder if EFCC, 3rd term bids, impeachment support, fights with his vice president, frustrating the finance minister out of office, missing funds from the oil and NNPC accounts are the things that a sitting president of MY BELOVED NIGERIA should be worrying about?
Considering the fact that there is so much travel in Nigeria that supports businesses, transports expatriates bringing in business, supports the private sector, you would think that this area would be of top priority. The roads are death traps, highway robbery is rampant and now the airline sector is torpedoing.
The head of one of the agencies that's a family friend now has armed security guards and a bulletproof vehicle because his proposed changes met with threats from all angles including some people in the private sector benefitting from the shoddy way things are done right now. Even attempts to re-certify pilots and give new guidelines for the qualification of the pilots met with so much resistance. We cry about using local personnel but then some of them have shoddy qualifications. Bringing in foreigners is well and good but people dont want to pay them what they are worth opting instead to go with cheaper options.
One can go round and round about all the issues surrounding this crash and the general state of things in Nigeria. What are the answers? People in my generation that should be making a difference in one way or another dont care. Some of them are abroad and have absolutely no intention of coming home. Some of them back home while being successful are content to make their money and party with the best of them and be trendy and date and marry the beautiful people without making a contribution that matters. The ones that are interested in making a change lose faith when faced with the utter corruption and game playing that goes on in the corridors of power.
Looking to God is the solution but even that is rife with corruption and exploitation. When some "men of God" ride around in bulletproof convoys of exotic guards complete with armed guards (what are they afraid of?), others declare themselves "Jesus Christ" and take to burning congregation members for alleged sins such as refusing to sleep with them (Nigeria's Reverend King who is on trial right now), one has to wonder if God hasnt turned away from this country. When some so-called christians (especially christians) are the biggest hypocrites that exist. Considering the number of churches, traditional healers, house fellowships, juju men, mosques that exist in this country, one would think we would have become the next chosen country. I believe in one God for all faiths but for those that dont believe, one would think that any of the ultimate beings including those gods consulted by the juju men would have manifested by now.
Which way Nigeria?
The pilot was told by the control tower to wait a few minutes on the runway. Was told that even though he was clear to take off, there were strong winds that would hit a few minutes into the flight. This conversation was heard by pilots in Virgin Nigeria and AeroContractor planes that were queued behind the ADC plane awaiting clearance for take-off. The pilot said he could maneuver his way around it. He took off and made a right bank to face Sokoto when the winds in question hit the plane and literally slammed the plane to the ground. This was especially made worse by the fact that the plane hadnt reached cruising altitude and hadnt even straightened out after take-off.
Now, the sources of this information are active in the aviation sector and are actually heads of some agencies in that sector. One of the survivors - a female youth corper was thrown clear out of the plane and was completely unscathed.
The lack of emergency response made helping the injured woeful. The head of Nigeria's fire service was spewing fire. He was sooo mad. He said to reporters that it was dismal that since the colonialists handed Nigeria back to us, the fire service has remained the same. He said absolutely nothing meaningful has been done and apparently his portfolio is deemed inconsequential in comparison to other matters of state.
I wonder what Obasanjo is thinking. The superstitious part of me thinks God is sending the man a sign. In his presidency, he lost his wife, 3 major airlines have crashed, one crash containing military personnel, several near incidents. On the other hand, i have to wonder if EFCC, 3rd term bids, impeachment support, fights with his vice president, frustrating the finance minister out of office, missing funds from the oil and NNPC accounts are the things that a sitting president of MY BELOVED NIGERIA should be worrying about?
Considering the fact that there is so much travel in Nigeria that supports businesses, transports expatriates bringing in business, supports the private sector, you would think that this area would be of top priority. The roads are death traps, highway robbery is rampant and now the airline sector is torpedoing.
The head of one of the agencies that's a family friend now has armed security guards and a bulletproof vehicle because his proposed changes met with threats from all angles including some people in the private sector benefitting from the shoddy way things are done right now. Even attempts to re-certify pilots and give new guidelines for the qualification of the pilots met with so much resistance. We cry about using local personnel but then some of them have shoddy qualifications. Bringing in foreigners is well and good but people dont want to pay them what they are worth opting instead to go with cheaper options.
One can go round and round about all the issues surrounding this crash and the general state of things in Nigeria. What are the answers? People in my generation that should be making a difference in one way or another dont care. Some of them are abroad and have absolutely no intention of coming home. Some of them back home while being successful are content to make their money and party with the best of them and be trendy and date and marry the beautiful people without making a contribution that matters. The ones that are interested in making a change lose faith when faced with the utter corruption and game playing that goes on in the corridors of power.
Looking to God is the solution but even that is rife with corruption and exploitation. When some "men of God" ride around in bulletproof convoys of exotic guards complete with armed guards (what are they afraid of?), others declare themselves "Jesus Christ" and take to burning congregation members for alleged sins such as refusing to sleep with them (Nigeria's Reverend King who is on trial right now), one has to wonder if God hasnt turned away from this country. When some so-called christians (especially christians) are the biggest hypocrites that exist. Considering the number of churches, traditional healers, house fellowships, juju men, mosques that exist in this country, one would think we would have become the next chosen country. I believe in one God for all faiths but for those that dont believe, one would think that any of the ultimate beings including those gods consulted by the juju men would have manifested by now.
Which way Nigeria?
Monday, October 30, 2006
My song of the day!
Today, i am holding on to my faith and to God more than ever. To keep me stable, to give me strength, to give me peace and take me back to being centered. So my song today is one that i love and that reaffirms my spirit everytime i hear it:
Fred Hammond - You are the living word.
This song really says it all.
*Let me know if you would like this song*
Fred Hammond - You are the living word.
This song really says it all.
*Let me know if you would like this song*
Broken Threads
It has been a very emotional weekend for me.
On Friday after blogging and working, i was looking forward to the weekend so much. Then my friend E came online. She is one of my best friends and we have been close since England and then she moved to Atlanta and we hung out all the time. My move to Chicago and back to Lagos didnt change things. By virtue of this relationship, i met her parents many times and her siblings became mine. This girl - young woman is so beautiful and precious to me. Work in Lagos made our phone calls reduce but we always chatted on line and exchanged emails and we would just take it from wherever we left of.
She came online and i was soooo excited and ready to play catch up when she typed "Uzo, i lost my mom". My reaction was one of shock. What did she mean? With shaking fingers, i typed and typed and she told me her mom died. I just started to cry. I knew i had to make that call. To talk to her and reach out to her. See E is one very strong chick. She makes fun of how much of a softie i am. I cry at everything and i can honestly say in all the years that i have known her, i have never seen her cry.
When she picked up the phone, i could hear and feel her pain. I was trying hard not to cry so i wouldnt upset her more. As the details of her loss came out, i could only listen. Wishing i was there with her. To hug her and pray with her. Just to be there. When i asked when she was coming home, she said next month after all arrangements have been made. I asked how she was doing..She said she had cried and cried but she had to be strong for her siblings. See E is the 3rd of 6 kids and the first girl. She has always been the mother hen so at this time of loss, everyone including her dad is looking to her for strength. She said she couldnt believe that her siblings were making plans to buy a casket for her mother. She said to me: i cant belive i dont have a mom anymore. We hung up and i just cried and cried. I was heartbroken for her family. For her. I knew her mom and she was sooo vibrant and fulland was truly the matriach of their family. I cant really explain how much pain i felt, as i cried, i couldnt breathe. I was simply overwhelmed by sadness.
And it was with this heaviness in my heart, that i called my mom. She is in the States with my sisters and i havent seen her in a month. Immediately she heard my voice, she asked what was wrong and i just started to cry as i told her. She knew E as well but had never met her mother. My mother was quiet as i cried and cried and she said all the right things about God and faith and strength. She said i had to be strong for her seeing as i am determined to be by her side when she comes back. As i cried, i told my mom over and over that i loved her and that every time we fought..i was sorry for always getting mad at her, for fighting with her, for not talking to her sometimes. She laughed and said we would be back at it once she got back but that it was all about love.
I couldnt stop crying. When i calmed down some, i tried to call L and since he's out of the country, i couldnt reach him. As much of a daddy's girl i am, i couldnt call my dad. This was not his forte, and i didnt feel like he would truly understand how i felt...since i couldnt even put it into words. Besides he was out of town as well. I called my other friend O, and he picked up immediately that i was off kilter. He asked if i had a cold. In his way, he made me feel better by not talking about the loss but about mundane silly things. I managed a giggle or 2 and i hung up. I was still lost.
This weekend, i spent talking to E, journaling and being alone. Then on Sunday, the news about the plane crash. More loss. Added to the fact that my dad was in Abuja and my phone was ringing off the hook. People calling to ask where my dad was. See, my dad was in Abuja and went to Kano and Thursday and was back in Abuja on Friday. People close to us know that my dad travels quite a bit. More of a scare. Its Monday morning and he just called to say he is at the Abuja airport, on his way back. And i am scared. I am sure it will be well but its hard to explain.
I have always known this but this weekend reminded me harshly that life is not to be taken for granted. What's the use of saving things for that special day when we might be gone in the next instance? Why should we fuss and fight with our loved ones over the silliest things? Even if the fights are justified, make peace. Point out what hurt and move on. Holding grudges...So not worth it. Tell your loved ones and show them how much they mean to you. And if you are in a position of responsibility, then begin to prepare to take care of the ones that depend on you. So many stories of widows left with nothing. Not knowing about their husband's affairs, acocunts and relatives swooping in to sow where they did not reap.
Life can deal several hands and while we cant control things, we can aim to make things right while we are still here.
On Friday after blogging and working, i was looking forward to the weekend so much. Then my friend E came online. She is one of my best friends and we have been close since England and then she moved to Atlanta and we hung out all the time. My move to Chicago and back to Lagos didnt change things. By virtue of this relationship, i met her parents many times and her siblings became mine. This girl - young woman is so beautiful and precious to me. Work in Lagos made our phone calls reduce but we always chatted on line and exchanged emails and we would just take it from wherever we left of.
She came online and i was soooo excited and ready to play catch up when she typed "Uzo, i lost my mom". My reaction was one of shock. What did she mean? With shaking fingers, i typed and typed and she told me her mom died. I just started to cry. I knew i had to make that call. To talk to her and reach out to her. See E is one very strong chick. She makes fun of how much of a softie i am. I cry at everything and i can honestly say in all the years that i have known her, i have never seen her cry.
When she picked up the phone, i could hear and feel her pain. I was trying hard not to cry so i wouldnt upset her more. As the details of her loss came out, i could only listen. Wishing i was there with her. To hug her and pray with her. Just to be there. When i asked when she was coming home, she said next month after all arrangements have been made. I asked how she was doing..She said she had cried and cried but she had to be strong for her siblings. See E is the 3rd of 6 kids and the first girl. She has always been the mother hen so at this time of loss, everyone including her dad is looking to her for strength. She said she couldnt believe that her siblings were making plans to buy a casket for her mother. She said to me: i cant belive i dont have a mom anymore. We hung up and i just cried and cried. I was heartbroken for her family. For her. I knew her mom and she was sooo vibrant and fulland was truly the matriach of their family. I cant really explain how much pain i felt, as i cried, i couldnt breathe. I was simply overwhelmed by sadness.
And it was with this heaviness in my heart, that i called my mom. She is in the States with my sisters and i havent seen her in a month. Immediately she heard my voice, she asked what was wrong and i just started to cry as i told her. She knew E as well but had never met her mother. My mother was quiet as i cried and cried and she said all the right things about God and faith and strength. She said i had to be strong for her seeing as i am determined to be by her side when she comes back. As i cried, i told my mom over and over that i loved her and that every time we fought..i was sorry for always getting mad at her, for fighting with her, for not talking to her sometimes. She laughed and said we would be back at it once she got back but that it was all about love.
I couldnt stop crying. When i calmed down some, i tried to call L and since he's out of the country, i couldnt reach him. As much of a daddy's girl i am, i couldnt call my dad. This was not his forte, and i didnt feel like he would truly understand how i felt...since i couldnt even put it into words. Besides he was out of town as well. I called my other friend O, and he picked up immediately that i was off kilter. He asked if i had a cold. In his way, he made me feel better by not talking about the loss but about mundane silly things. I managed a giggle or 2 and i hung up. I was still lost.
This weekend, i spent talking to E, journaling and being alone. Then on Sunday, the news about the plane crash. More loss. Added to the fact that my dad was in Abuja and my phone was ringing off the hook. People calling to ask where my dad was. See, my dad was in Abuja and went to Kano and Thursday and was back in Abuja on Friday. People close to us know that my dad travels quite a bit. More of a scare. Its Monday morning and he just called to say he is at the Abuja airport, on his way back. And i am scared. I am sure it will be well but its hard to explain.
I have always known this but this weekend reminded me harshly that life is not to be taken for granted. What's the use of saving things for that special day when we might be gone in the next instance? Why should we fuss and fight with our loved ones over the silliest things? Even if the fights are justified, make peace. Point out what hurt and move on. Holding grudges...So not worth it. Tell your loved ones and show them how much they mean to you. And if you are in a position of responsibility, then begin to prepare to take care of the ones that depend on you. So many stories of widows left with nothing. Not knowing about their husband's affairs, acocunts and relatives swooping in to sow where they did not reap.
Life can deal several hands and while we cant control things, we can aim to make things right while we are still here.
Friday, October 27, 2006
My Song of the Day!
Its Friday and i am ecstatic. Another lovely weekend of rest and relaxation and lots of TV. I will make the effort to see other human beings and try to socialize this weekend. So since i am in a very upbeat mood, my song of the day which i am listening to right now by the way reflects this:
Chamillionaire - Ridin'
Now, hip hop and I dont get along very much. I recognise the songs and the artists and even derive some sick pleasure from the videos but i wouldnt rush to the music store to pick up a Ludacris CD. A song here and there sure..
This song however, is soooo great. Its hot, the beats are tight and its sounds great in my car plus Krayzie Bone from Bone, Thugs 'n' Harmony is on the track. I heard a rumour that Chamillionaire is a Nigerian actually called Hakeem who lives in Texas...Fact or fiction? Now i am very diplomatic but the first time i saw the video for this song, i swore. Chamillionaire: well he is not very aesthetically pleasing to the eyes and frankly is a little scary. He He He.
*Let me know if you would like this song*
Women's Issue - Female Genital Mutilation
"Of course I shall have them circumcised exactly as their parents, grandparents and sisters were circumcised. This is our custom."An Egyptian woman, talking about her young daughters
"We are circumcised and insist on circumcising our daughters so that there is no mixing between male and female... An uncircumcised woman is put to shame by her husband, who calls her 'you with the clitoris'. People say she is like a man. Her organ would prick the man..."An Egyptian woman
"Circumcision makes women clean, promotes virginity and chastity and guards young girls from sexual frustration by deadening their sexual appetite."Mrs Njeri, a defender of female genital mutilation in Kenya
Female genital mutilation (FGM) is the term used to refer to the removal of part, or all, of the female genitalia. The most severe form of FGM is known as pharaonic circumcision or infibulation. The procedure consists of clitoridectomy (where all, or part of, the clitoris is removed), excision (removal of all, or part of, the labia minora), and cutting of the labia majora to create raw surfaces, which are then stitched or held together in order to form a cover over the vagina when they heal. A small hole is left to allow urine and menstrual blood to escape. In some less conventional forms of infibulation, less tissue is removed and a larger opening is left.
85% of genital mutilations performed in Africa consists on clitoridectomy or excision. The procedure most commonly occurs in girls between the ages of 4 and 8. An estimated 135 million of the world's girls and women have undergone genital mutilation and 2 million girls a year are at risk of mutilation - approximately 6,000 a day. It is practiced extensively in Africa and is common in some countries in the Middle East. It also occurs mainly among immigrant communities in parts of Asia and the pacific, North & Latin America and Europe.
The effects of genital mutilation can lead to death. At the time the mutilation is carried out, pain, shock, haemorrhage and damage to the organs surrounding the clitoris and labia can occur. Afterwards urine may be retained and serious infection develop. Use of the same instrument on several girls without sterilization can cause the spread of HIV. More commonly, the chronic infections, intermittent bleeding, abscesses and small benign tumours of the nerve which can result from clitoridectomy and excision cause discomfort and extreme pain. Infibulation can have even more serious long-term effects: chronic urinary tract infections, stones in the bladder and urethra, kidney damage, reproductive tract infections resulting from obstructed menstrual flow, pelvic infections, infertility, excessive scar tissue, keloids (raised, irregularly shaped, progressively enlarging scars) and dermoid cysts.
First sexual intercourse can only take place after gradual and painful dilation of the opening left after mutilation. In some cases, cutting is necessary before intercourse can take place. In one study carried out in Sudan, 15% of women interviewed reported that cutting was necessary before penetration could be achieved. Some new wives are seriously damaged by unskilful cutting carried out by their husbands. A possible additional problem resulting from all types of female genital mutilation is that lasting damage to the genital area can increase the risk of HIV transmission during intercourse. During childbirth, existing scar tissue on excised women may tear. Infibulated women, whose genitals have been tightly closed, have to be cut to allow the baby to emerge. If no attendant is present to do this, perineal tears or obstructed labour can occur. After giving birth, women are often reinfibulated to make them "tight" for their husbands. The constant cutting and restitching of a women's genitals with each birth can result in tough scar tissue in the genital area.
Genital mutilation can make first intercourse an ordeal for women. It can be extremely painful, and even dangerous, if the woman has to be cut open; for some women, intercourse remains painful. Even where this is not the case, the importance of the clitoris in experiencing sexual pleasure and orgasm suggests that mutilation involving partial or complete clitoridectomy would adversely affect sexual fulfilment. Clinical considerations and the majority of studies on women's enjoyment of sex suggest that genital mutilation does impair a women's enjoyment. However, one study found that 90% of the infibulated women interviewed reported experiencing orgasm.
The mechanisms involved in sexual enjoyment and orgasm are still not fully understood, but it is thought that compensatory processes, some of them psychological, may mitigate some of the effects of removal of the clitoris and other sensitive parts of the genitals.
Custom and tradition are by far the most frequently cited reasons for FGM. Along with other physical or behavioural characteristics, FGM defines who is in the group. This is most obvious where mutilation is carried out as part of the initiation into adulthood. Jomo Kenyatta, the late President of Kenya, argued that FGM was inherent in the initiation which is in itself an essential part of being Kikuyu, to such an extent that "abolition... will destroy the tribal system". A study in Sierra Leone reported a similar feeling about the social and political cohesion promoted by the Bundo and Sande secret societies, who carry out initiation mutilations and teaching. Many people in FGM-practising societies, especially traditional rural communities, regard FGM as so normal that they cannot imagine a woman who has not undergone mutilation. Others are quoted as saying that only outsiders or foreigners are not genitally mutilated. A girl cannot be considered an adult in a FGM-practising society unless she has undergone FGM.
FGM is often deemed necessary in order for a girl to be considered a complete woman, and the practice marks the divergence of the sexes in terms of their future roles in life and marriage.The removal of the clitoris and labia ' viewed by some as the "male parts" of a woman's body ' is thought to enhance the girl's femininity, often synonymous with docility and obedience.It is possible that the trauma of mutilation may have this effect on a girl's personality. If mutilation is part of an initiation rite, then it is accompanied by explicit teaching about the woman's role in her society.
In many societies, an important reason given for FGM is the belief that it reduces a woman's desire for sex, therefore reducing the chance of sex outside marriage. The ability of unmutilated women to be faithful through their own choice is doubted. In many FGM-practising societies, it is extremely difficult, if not impossible, for a woman to marry if she has not undergone mutilation. In the case of infibulation, a woman is "sewn up" and "opened" only for her husband. Societies that practise infibulation are strongly patriarchal. Preventing women from indulging in "illegitimate" sex, and protecting them from unwilling sexual relations, are vital because the honour of the whole family is seen to be dependent on it. Infibulation does not, however, provide a guarantee against "illegitimate" sex, as a woman can be "opened" and "closed" again. In some cultures, enhancement of the man's sexual pleasure is a reason cited for mutilation. Anecdotal accounts, however, suggest that men prefer unmutilated women as sexual partners.
Cleanliness and hygiene feature consistently as justifications for FGM. Popular terms for mutilation are synonymous with purification (tahara in Egypt, tahur in Sudan), or cleansing (sili-ji among the Bambarra, an ethnic group in Mali). In some FGM-practising societies, unmutilated women are regarded as unclean and are not allowed to handle food and water.
Connected with this is the perception in FGM-practising communities that women's unmutilated genitals are ugly and bulky. In some cultures, there is a belief that a woman's genitals can grow and become unwieldy, hanging down between her legs, unless the clitoris is excised. Some groups believe that a woman's clitoris is dangerous and that if it touches a man's penis he will die. Others believe that if the baby's head touches the clitoris during childbirth, the baby will die. Ideas about the health benefits of FGM are not unique to Africa.
In 19th Century England, there were debates as to whether clitoridectomy could cure women of "illnesses" such as hysteria and "excessive" masturbation. Clitoridectomy continued to be practised for these reasons until well into this century in the USA. However, health benefits are not the most frequently cited reason for mutilation in societies where it is still practised; where they are, it is more likely to be because mutilation is part of an initiation where women are taught to be strong and uncomplaining about illness. Some societies where FGM is practised believe that it enhances fertility, the more extreme believing that an unmutilated woman cannot conceive. In some cultures it is believed that clitoridectomy makes childbirth safer.FGM predates Islam and is not practised by the majority of Muslims, but has acquired a religious dimension. Where it is practised by Muslims, religion is frequently cited as a reason.
Many of those who oppose mutilation deny that there is any link between the practise and religion, but Islamic leaders are not unanimous on the subject. The Qur'an does not contain any call for FGM, but a few hadith (sayings attributed to the Prophet Muhammad) refer to it. In one case, in answer to a question put to him by 'Um 'Attiyah (a practitioner of FGM), the Prophet is quoted as saying "reduce but do not destroy". Mutilation has persisted among some converts to Christianity. Christian missionaries have tried to discourage the practice, but found it to be too deep rooted. In some cases, in order to keep converts, they have ignored and even condoned the practice. FGM was practised by the minority Ethiopian Jewish community (Beta Israel), formerly known as Falasha, a derogatory term, most of whom now live in Israel, but it is not known if the practise has persisted following their emigration to Israel. The remainder of the FGM-practising community follow traditional Animist religions.
"We are circumcised and insist on circumcising our daughters so that there is no mixing between male and female... An uncircumcised woman is put to shame by her husband, who calls her 'you with the clitoris'. People say she is like a man. Her organ would prick the man..."An Egyptian woman
"Circumcision makes women clean, promotes virginity and chastity and guards young girls from sexual frustration by deadening their sexual appetite."Mrs Njeri, a defender of female genital mutilation in Kenya
Female genital mutilation (FGM) is the term used to refer to the removal of part, or all, of the female genitalia. The most severe form of FGM is known as pharaonic circumcision or infibulation. The procedure consists of clitoridectomy (where all, or part of, the clitoris is removed), excision (removal of all, or part of, the labia minora), and cutting of the labia majora to create raw surfaces, which are then stitched or held together in order to form a cover over the vagina when they heal. A small hole is left to allow urine and menstrual blood to escape. In some less conventional forms of infibulation, less tissue is removed and a larger opening is left.
85% of genital mutilations performed in Africa consists on clitoridectomy or excision. The procedure most commonly occurs in girls between the ages of 4 and 8. An estimated 135 million of the world's girls and women have undergone genital mutilation and 2 million girls a year are at risk of mutilation - approximately 6,000 a day. It is practiced extensively in Africa and is common in some countries in the Middle East. It also occurs mainly among immigrant communities in parts of Asia and the pacific, North & Latin America and Europe.
The effects of genital mutilation can lead to death. At the time the mutilation is carried out, pain, shock, haemorrhage and damage to the organs surrounding the clitoris and labia can occur. Afterwards urine may be retained and serious infection develop. Use of the same instrument on several girls without sterilization can cause the spread of HIV. More commonly, the chronic infections, intermittent bleeding, abscesses and small benign tumours of the nerve which can result from clitoridectomy and excision cause discomfort and extreme pain. Infibulation can have even more serious long-term effects: chronic urinary tract infections, stones in the bladder and urethra, kidney damage, reproductive tract infections resulting from obstructed menstrual flow, pelvic infections, infertility, excessive scar tissue, keloids (raised, irregularly shaped, progressively enlarging scars) and dermoid cysts.
First sexual intercourse can only take place after gradual and painful dilation of the opening left after mutilation. In some cases, cutting is necessary before intercourse can take place. In one study carried out in Sudan, 15% of women interviewed reported that cutting was necessary before penetration could be achieved. Some new wives are seriously damaged by unskilful cutting carried out by their husbands. A possible additional problem resulting from all types of female genital mutilation is that lasting damage to the genital area can increase the risk of HIV transmission during intercourse. During childbirth, existing scar tissue on excised women may tear. Infibulated women, whose genitals have been tightly closed, have to be cut to allow the baby to emerge. If no attendant is present to do this, perineal tears or obstructed labour can occur. After giving birth, women are often reinfibulated to make them "tight" for their husbands. The constant cutting and restitching of a women's genitals with each birth can result in tough scar tissue in the genital area.
Genital mutilation can make first intercourse an ordeal for women. It can be extremely painful, and even dangerous, if the woman has to be cut open; for some women, intercourse remains painful. Even where this is not the case, the importance of the clitoris in experiencing sexual pleasure and orgasm suggests that mutilation involving partial or complete clitoridectomy would adversely affect sexual fulfilment. Clinical considerations and the majority of studies on women's enjoyment of sex suggest that genital mutilation does impair a women's enjoyment. However, one study found that 90% of the infibulated women interviewed reported experiencing orgasm.
The mechanisms involved in sexual enjoyment and orgasm are still not fully understood, but it is thought that compensatory processes, some of them psychological, may mitigate some of the effects of removal of the clitoris and other sensitive parts of the genitals.
Custom and tradition are by far the most frequently cited reasons for FGM. Along with other physical or behavioural characteristics, FGM defines who is in the group. This is most obvious where mutilation is carried out as part of the initiation into adulthood. Jomo Kenyatta, the late President of Kenya, argued that FGM was inherent in the initiation which is in itself an essential part of being Kikuyu, to such an extent that "abolition... will destroy the tribal system". A study in Sierra Leone reported a similar feeling about the social and political cohesion promoted by the Bundo and Sande secret societies, who carry out initiation mutilations and teaching. Many people in FGM-practising societies, especially traditional rural communities, regard FGM as so normal that they cannot imagine a woman who has not undergone mutilation. Others are quoted as saying that only outsiders or foreigners are not genitally mutilated. A girl cannot be considered an adult in a FGM-practising society unless she has undergone FGM.
FGM is often deemed necessary in order for a girl to be considered a complete woman, and the practice marks the divergence of the sexes in terms of their future roles in life and marriage.The removal of the clitoris and labia ' viewed by some as the "male parts" of a woman's body ' is thought to enhance the girl's femininity, often synonymous with docility and obedience.It is possible that the trauma of mutilation may have this effect on a girl's personality. If mutilation is part of an initiation rite, then it is accompanied by explicit teaching about the woman's role in her society.
In many societies, an important reason given for FGM is the belief that it reduces a woman's desire for sex, therefore reducing the chance of sex outside marriage. The ability of unmutilated women to be faithful through their own choice is doubted. In many FGM-practising societies, it is extremely difficult, if not impossible, for a woman to marry if she has not undergone mutilation. In the case of infibulation, a woman is "sewn up" and "opened" only for her husband. Societies that practise infibulation are strongly patriarchal. Preventing women from indulging in "illegitimate" sex, and protecting them from unwilling sexual relations, are vital because the honour of the whole family is seen to be dependent on it. Infibulation does not, however, provide a guarantee against "illegitimate" sex, as a woman can be "opened" and "closed" again. In some cultures, enhancement of the man's sexual pleasure is a reason cited for mutilation. Anecdotal accounts, however, suggest that men prefer unmutilated women as sexual partners.
Cleanliness and hygiene feature consistently as justifications for FGM. Popular terms for mutilation are synonymous with purification (tahara in Egypt, tahur in Sudan), or cleansing (sili-ji among the Bambarra, an ethnic group in Mali). In some FGM-practising societies, unmutilated women are regarded as unclean and are not allowed to handle food and water.
Connected with this is the perception in FGM-practising communities that women's unmutilated genitals are ugly and bulky. In some cultures, there is a belief that a woman's genitals can grow and become unwieldy, hanging down between her legs, unless the clitoris is excised. Some groups believe that a woman's clitoris is dangerous and that if it touches a man's penis he will die. Others believe that if the baby's head touches the clitoris during childbirth, the baby will die. Ideas about the health benefits of FGM are not unique to Africa.
In 19th Century England, there were debates as to whether clitoridectomy could cure women of "illnesses" such as hysteria and "excessive" masturbation. Clitoridectomy continued to be practised for these reasons until well into this century in the USA. However, health benefits are not the most frequently cited reason for mutilation in societies where it is still practised; where they are, it is more likely to be because mutilation is part of an initiation where women are taught to be strong and uncomplaining about illness. Some societies where FGM is practised believe that it enhances fertility, the more extreme believing that an unmutilated woman cannot conceive. In some cultures it is believed that clitoridectomy makes childbirth safer.FGM predates Islam and is not practised by the majority of Muslims, but has acquired a religious dimension. Where it is practised by Muslims, religion is frequently cited as a reason.
Many of those who oppose mutilation deny that there is any link between the practise and religion, but Islamic leaders are not unanimous on the subject. The Qur'an does not contain any call for FGM, but a few hadith (sayings attributed to the Prophet Muhammad) refer to it. In one case, in answer to a question put to him by 'Um 'Attiyah (a practitioner of FGM), the Prophet is quoted as saying "reduce but do not destroy". Mutilation has persisted among some converts to Christianity. Christian missionaries have tried to discourage the practice, but found it to be too deep rooted. In some cases, in order to keep converts, they have ignored and even condoned the practice. FGM was practised by the minority Ethiopian Jewish community (Beta Israel), formerly known as Falasha, a derogatory term, most of whom now live in Israel, but it is not known if the practise has persisted following their emigration to Israel. The remainder of the FGM-practising community follow traditional Animist religions.
Thursday, October 26, 2006
Repost - A Word of Warning
4 blogs in a day? I am so sorry but i think i missed blogging.....
My weekend was packed with so much activity that i only got 5 hours of sleep the whole weekend. And before anyone gets excited at the thought that i finally got buck wild, it was actually a work thing.
Finally got home and got a phone call from my girlfriend who had her baby last week. Our conversation revolved around the baby and how beautiful she is and how she feels so much love for the baby that she thinks she will burst. How nice and touching!
Of course i am so excited and happy for her but a pretty interesting fact came out of the conversation. Me being me, i cut right to the chase of the matter and asked her what the pain was like. How many hours was she in labor, what did it feel like, did she get an epidural, do those breathing exercises work and did she feel all that love for her husband while the contractions were ripping her body almost in two. Yes people - these burning questions had to be answered.
Her answers: the pain is excruciating but when you hold that baby in your arms, you forget all about it (funny how they always say that . I imagine that the pain associated with squeezing a whole person out of you will not be so easily forgotten...), after months of swearing she would go natural, she almost paged the anaesthesiologist herself in her hurry to get the epidural, the breathing exercises do not work (she didnt even remember a thing) and her husband was great.
You know how modern day women swear up and down that the husband has to be in the delivery room and watch the birth of the baby. My friend says she was saved from a frigid and weird marriage by her friends and a Nigerian nurse that helped her delivery. She wanted her husband to watch the baby ACTUALLY being born if you catch my drift. Apparently that is such a bad thing. .
Here's the deal, the husband/partner has to be confined to the head of the bed. He must only hold your hand and see your face. Apparently, actually watching the baby being born is such a traumatizing experience and sight to behold. While husband/partner should be grateful and filled with love that u helped bring the carrier of his family name into the world, if you want the baby to have any siblings, he needs to stay away from the birth zone. Apparently, most men have a hard time seeing wives/partners as sexy and hot after watching all that activity down there.
She said this and while i thought it was finny, i wasnt sure if i bought it. So i promptly called 3 married men that happen to be my friends and have kids. Asked what they thought. And THEY all agreed. 2 of them were advised by their own friends to stay away from that area and they gladly complied. (I mean, forget all the romantic stuff, who really wants to see a whole little person complete with hands, feet and everything, being squeezed out of your beloved one. Its painful for all involved. Plus men are squeamish....its not exactly a neat experience) . The last guy said he actually saw the baby being born. He blames the people in the delivery room in Boston who even tried to make him record the actual moment of the birth (yeah, like he was going to have a viewing party with popcorn and have the whole world watch that). He said it took him such a long time to get over it. He kept seeing it over and over and for a few months, everytime he looked at her, he just saw that and could not muster any passion. LOL. . I laughed so hard and i even spoke with his wife who laughed with us but said if she had known, she would have made him stay away from that area.
Moral of this story: Men in the delivery room should be kept away from the action area. A word is enough for the wise.
My weekend was packed with so much activity that i only got 5 hours of sleep the whole weekend. And before anyone gets excited at the thought that i finally got buck wild, it was actually a work thing.
Finally got home and got a phone call from my girlfriend who had her baby last week. Our conversation revolved around the baby and how beautiful she is and how she feels so much love for the baby that she thinks she will burst. How nice and touching!
Of course i am so excited and happy for her but a pretty interesting fact came out of the conversation. Me being me, i cut right to the chase of the matter and asked her what the pain was like. How many hours was she in labor, what did it feel like, did she get an epidural, do those breathing exercises work and did she feel all that love for her husband while the contractions were ripping her body almost in two. Yes people - these burning questions had to be answered.
Her answers: the pain is excruciating but when you hold that baby in your arms, you forget all about it (funny how they always say that . I imagine that the pain associated with squeezing a whole person out of you will not be so easily forgotten...), after months of swearing she would go natural, she almost paged the anaesthesiologist herself in her hurry to get the epidural, the breathing exercises do not work (she didnt even remember a thing) and her husband was great.
You know how modern day women swear up and down that the husband has to be in the delivery room and watch the birth of the baby. My friend says she was saved from a frigid and weird marriage by her friends and a Nigerian nurse that helped her delivery. She wanted her husband to watch the baby ACTUALLY being born if you catch my drift. Apparently that is such a bad thing. .
Here's the deal, the husband/partner has to be confined to the head of the bed. He must only hold your hand and see your face. Apparently, actually watching the baby being born is such a traumatizing experience and sight to behold. While husband/partner should be grateful and filled with love that u helped bring the carrier of his family name into the world, if you want the baby to have any siblings, he needs to stay away from the birth zone. Apparently, most men have a hard time seeing wives/partners as sexy and hot after watching all that activity down there.
She said this and while i thought it was finny, i wasnt sure if i bought it. So i promptly called 3 married men that happen to be my friends and have kids. Asked what they thought. And THEY all agreed. 2 of them were advised by their own friends to stay away from that area and they gladly complied. (I mean, forget all the romantic stuff, who really wants to see a whole little person complete with hands, feet and everything, being squeezed out of your beloved one. Its painful for all involved. Plus men are squeamish....its not exactly a neat experience) . The last guy said he actually saw the baby being born. He blames the people in the delivery room in Boston who even tried to make him record the actual moment of the birth (yeah, like he was going to have a viewing party with popcorn and have the whole world watch that). He said it took him such a long time to get over it. He kept seeing it over and over and for a few months, everytime he looked at her, he just saw that and could not muster any passion. LOL. . I laughed so hard and i even spoke with his wife who laughed with us but said if she had known, she would have made him stay away from that area.
Moral of this story: Men in the delivery room should be kept away from the action area. A word is enough for the wise.
Oh the joys of "24"
I am becoming anti-social thanks to my friend that plied me with DVDs....i think i blogged about it somewhere. Well he has added Prison Break Season 1 & 2, Scrubs Season 1 - 3 and Sex and the City Season 2 to the list.
Thanks to all my movies, this long public holiday had me shelving any plans of going anywhere meaningful. I made it to my friend's wedding on Saturday and met up with old friends and cried some. It was so beautiful. My friend the groom danced with his mom and the bride danced with her dad to Bette Midler's "Wind beneath my wings" and we were all bawling and sniffling like fools.
But that was it. Sure i went to get my nails done, worked out and did stuff but i rushed back home to settle down in front of my TV to watch Bond movies, Friends Season 2 & 3, 24 Season 1 and half of Season 2, Dhadkhan (Hindi), Kuch Na Kaho (Hindi) and Zoolander.
My phone rang and the conversation went something like this:
Uzo: Hello?
M: Hey stranger..How r u?
Uzo: Oh i am fine....how are u?
M: M fine. Look a couple of us are on the Mainland and we were wondering if you could meet us at...... to catch up and stuff
Uzo: Uhmmmmmmmmm....
M: Look, we dont see you and you could have gotten married for all we know so we sooo have to catch up. Plenty of gist.
Uzo: Uhmmmmmm. I have a better idea. Why dont you come over to my place instead?
M: Eh?
Uzo: Well i have food in my house. We can catch up here. I dont feel like dressing up to go anywhere. Besides, i am in the middle of Season 1 of "24" and Jack Bauer is on his way to find his wife Terry and Kim and it doesnt seem like he will make it in time and after i finish Season 1 of "24" i still have to finish Season 3 of Friends and...
M: Uzo are you alright?
Uzo: Uhmmmmmmmmm
M: I think you have gone mad girl....
Uzo: Uhmmmmm. So are you guys coming over here?
LOL. True story.
So i watch 24 every now and again. Its just really hard to catch these shows because of work. So i settled down and started. Please...can someone tell me why i never thought Kiefer Sutherland was hot? As Jack Bauer, he just oozes sex appeal, and power, and rebellion and control and...
Talk about acting. He is just bad in a good way. Love him. Dennis Haysbert as President Palmer..oh wow. Tall and dark and passionate. And am i the only one that wanted to reach through my TV and smack his wife/ex wife Sherry from here to heaven and back?
But i learnt something about myself as well. I am attracted to bad boys. Well men that are bad and seem so mean but in my mind, they will only show that sweet loving side of themselves to only me. Case in point, Jack Bauer. Sure he kills people. But he would love me and say sweetheart over and over and be sweet and tender just to me.
How about Gary Dourdan's character Warren in CSI? Warren is flawed. He is cocky and has a gambling problem. But nooooooo. I love him. I love the fact that he is macho and professional and hard at work but i imagine him being the opposite with me. Even his character in the movie "Trois". Sure he wanted the 3some. But he loved his wife dammit.
I am attracted to Wesley Snipes because even when he is a good guy (Blade) or in the many roles as a cop/secret service agent, he pushes boundaries and isnt on the straight and narrow.
Hindi Movies: I fell in love with the actor Sunil Shetty in the movie "Main Hoon Na". Sure he was a terrorist and killed people. But he oozed power and control and was sooo good at being bad, that i just wanted to be alone with him and just bring out the tender side of him
The Last of the Mohicans: Daniel Day Lewis as Hawkeye. He was rough and tough and killed but he was sooo sweet and tender. When he uttered those words "I will find you". I cried and cried.
Pierce Brosnan as Thomas Crown : He was a thief and cunning but it was utter bliss watching him...
See my point. Am i normal at all?
Point of this post: I love 24, i have become anti-social, i love bad boys, i love Tv.
This is just so depressing. I am going out tonight after work. What nonsense. To be a prisoner to DVDs of Tv Shows.
Thanks to all my movies, this long public holiday had me shelving any plans of going anywhere meaningful. I made it to my friend's wedding on Saturday and met up with old friends and cried some. It was so beautiful. My friend the groom danced with his mom and the bride danced with her dad to Bette Midler's "Wind beneath my wings" and we were all bawling and sniffling like fools.
But that was it. Sure i went to get my nails done, worked out and did stuff but i rushed back home to settle down in front of my TV to watch Bond movies, Friends Season 2 & 3, 24 Season 1 and half of Season 2, Dhadkhan (Hindi), Kuch Na Kaho (Hindi) and Zoolander.
My phone rang and the conversation went something like this:
Uzo: Hello?
M: Hey stranger..How r u?
Uzo: Oh i am fine....how are u?
M: M fine. Look a couple of us are on the Mainland and we were wondering if you could meet us at...... to catch up and stuff
Uzo: Uhmmmmmmmmm....
M: Look, we dont see you and you could have gotten married for all we know so we sooo have to catch up. Plenty of gist.
Uzo: Uhmmmmmm. I have a better idea. Why dont you come over to my place instead?
M: Eh?
Uzo: Well i have food in my house. We can catch up here. I dont feel like dressing up to go anywhere. Besides, i am in the middle of Season 1 of "24" and Jack Bauer is on his way to find his wife Terry and Kim and it doesnt seem like he will make it in time and after i finish Season 1 of "24" i still have to finish Season 3 of Friends and...
M: Uzo are you alright?
Uzo: Uhmmmmmmmmm
M: I think you have gone mad girl....
Uzo: Uhmmmmm. So are you guys coming over here?
LOL. True story.
So i watch 24 every now and again. Its just really hard to catch these shows because of work. So i settled down and started. Please...can someone tell me why i never thought Kiefer Sutherland was hot? As Jack Bauer, he just oozes sex appeal, and power, and rebellion and control and...
Talk about acting. He is just bad in a good way. Love him. Dennis Haysbert as President Palmer..oh wow. Tall and dark and passionate. And am i the only one that wanted to reach through my TV and smack his wife/ex wife Sherry from here to heaven and back?
But i learnt something about myself as well. I am attracted to bad boys. Well men that are bad and seem so mean but in my mind, they will only show that sweet loving side of themselves to only me. Case in point, Jack Bauer. Sure he kills people. But he would love me and say sweetheart over and over and be sweet and tender just to me.
How about Gary Dourdan's character Warren in CSI? Warren is flawed. He is cocky and has a gambling problem. But nooooooo. I love him. I love the fact that he is macho and professional and hard at work but i imagine him being the opposite with me. Even his character in the movie "Trois". Sure he wanted the 3some. But he loved his wife dammit.
I am attracted to Wesley Snipes because even when he is a good guy (Blade) or in the many roles as a cop/secret service agent, he pushes boundaries and isnt on the straight and narrow.
Hindi Movies: I fell in love with the actor Sunil Shetty in the movie "Main Hoon Na". Sure he was a terrorist and killed people. But he oozed power and control and was sooo good at being bad, that i just wanted to be alone with him and just bring out the tender side of him
The Last of the Mohicans: Daniel Day Lewis as Hawkeye. He was rough and tough and killed but he was sooo sweet and tender. When he uttered those words "I will find you". I cried and cried.
Pierce Brosnan as Thomas Crown : He was a thief and cunning but it was utter bliss watching him...
See my point. Am i normal at all?
Point of this post: I love 24, i have become anti-social, i love bad boys, i love Tv.
This is just so depressing. I am going out tonight after work. What nonsense. To be a prisoner to DVDs of Tv Shows.
In Love with a Man
I spent most of my weekend in the company of one of my favorite men. I love this man. With no reservations and with all of my heart.
Why do i love him so? I know he is flawed but i cant help myself. He is an older man - he is in his early 40's i think. He is a bit of a mad hatter really. He loves adventure and is constantly doing things like bungee jumping off bridges and flying helicopters. He can do that kind of stuff though since he is in excellent shape. He can run and run. He handles guns a lot which scare me but he can take care of himself.What a man
His smile and swagger have me swooning. His sense of humor. He is corny as hell but with him, its okay. I love it and laugh so often when i am in his company. He loves gadgets like most men. But he just takes his to another level. He makes enough money and his company supplies him with the oddest things and i delight in his use of them. If i try to use any of his toys, i am sure i would end up looking like a damn fool but he makes it look so easy. His cars. This man is a car expert but he gets into wrecks so much. Once again, his company supplies the cars so he doesnt have much to worry about.
His love life. He was married once but sadly she died many years ago. Since then, he seems unable and unwilling to settle down. I am one of his many friends. His lovers come in all colors, shapes and sizes. He is what i like to call an equal opportunity lover. I hear he is a stud in bed. He does have a love them and leave them reputation so he does all he can to avoid running into any of his loves. I should know better, but i would love to have the pleasure of being one of his girls. Okay just one kiss and having him escort me to a public function would be my fantasy. People would be green with envy. This man is one very handsome son of a gun.
I have known him since i was a little girl but as i have gotten older, i appreciate him better. Appreciate his jokes and sexual innuendos. He goes through a change every couple of years and sometimes i like him better than at other times but i wouldnt trade him for the world. When i am feeling down, i lose myself in his presence and forget all my worries. When people criticize him, i get incensed and the critics go down several notches in my book. To not love this man means there is no room for you in my world.
He loves the finer things in life and when he drinks, he has 2 specialties:
Who is this man? His name is Bond! James Bond!
I love James Bond. I am not very happy with Daniel Craig as the newest choice. I mean he is blond (so they said they would darken his hair) and he already lost some teeth during the shooting of Casino Royale. James Bond is superman. He does not lose teeth. He defuses nuclear weapons and jumps off bridges and is not bothered by such minor things as injuries.
My favorite Bond of all time is Sean Connery followed very closely by Timothy Dalton. Lots of people dont like Timothy Dalton's Bond years but this is my blog and i love him. Shoot me. I watched 6 Bond movies this weekend. My dad has the entire collection and i just have 7 movies or so. I kept meaning to get them all. There was a time when the entire box set on DVD was a hundred pounds. At the time, that was a lot of money for me. So for all those that love me and want me to be happy *big hint here*, i would like the complete James Bond collection.
Who is your favorite James Bond?
Why do i love him so? I know he is flawed but i cant help myself. He is an older man - he is in his early 40's i think. He is a bit of a mad hatter really. He loves adventure and is constantly doing things like bungee jumping off bridges and flying helicopters. He can do that kind of stuff though since he is in excellent shape. He can run and run. He handles guns a lot which scare me but he can take care of himself.What a man
His smile and swagger have me swooning. His sense of humor. He is corny as hell but with him, its okay. I love it and laugh so often when i am in his company. He loves gadgets like most men. But he just takes his to another level. He makes enough money and his company supplies him with the oddest things and i delight in his use of them. If i try to use any of his toys, i am sure i would end up looking like a damn fool but he makes it look so easy. His cars. This man is a car expert but he gets into wrecks so much. Once again, his company supplies the cars so he doesnt have much to worry about.
His love life. He was married once but sadly she died many years ago. Since then, he seems unable and unwilling to settle down. I am one of his many friends. His lovers come in all colors, shapes and sizes. He is what i like to call an equal opportunity lover. I hear he is a stud in bed. He does have a love them and leave them reputation so he does all he can to avoid running into any of his loves. I should know better, but i would love to have the pleasure of being one of his girls. Okay just one kiss and having him escort me to a public function would be my fantasy. People would be green with envy. This man is one very handsome son of a gun.
I have known him since i was a little girl but as i have gotten older, i appreciate him better. Appreciate his jokes and sexual innuendos. He goes through a change every couple of years and sometimes i like him better than at other times but i wouldnt trade him for the world. When i am feeling down, i lose myself in his presence and forget all my worries. When people criticize him, i get incensed and the critics go down several notches in my book. To not love this man means there is no room for you in my world.
He loves the finer things in life and when he drinks, he has 2 specialties:
Who is this man? His name is Bond! James Bond!
I love James Bond. I am not very happy with Daniel Craig as the newest choice. I mean he is blond (so they said they would darken his hair) and he already lost some teeth during the shooting of Casino Royale. James Bond is superman. He does not lose teeth. He defuses nuclear weapons and jumps off bridges and is not bothered by such minor things as injuries.
My favorite Bond of all time is Sean Connery followed very closely by Timothy Dalton. Lots of people dont like Timothy Dalton's Bond years but this is my blog and i love him. Shoot me. I watched 6 Bond movies this weekend. My dad has the entire collection and i just have 7 movies or so. I kept meaning to get them all. There was a time when the entire box set on DVD was a hundred pounds. At the time, that was a lot of money for me. So for all those that love me and want me to be happy *big hint here*, i would like the complete James Bond collection.
Who is your favorite James Bond?
My Song of the Day!
The public holiday here has thrown me off balance completely. Just got back to work yesterday and i am absolutely swamped. I will be updating my blog in a few hours but i absolutely have to do the song of the day since i am listening to it right now.
Candy by Cameo.
I absolutely love this song. Anyone seen the movie "The Best Man"? The closing scene at the reception with everyone dancing - doing the electric slide...Well this is that song. I am a massive Cameo fan. They were actually in Nigeria a few months back and they still rocked.
Does anyone remember the video for this song? My main man - the lead singer was wearing a red "piant" like thing over his trousers. Oh my word....Hilarious but the song is sooooo hot. Definitely one of my favorites.
*Let me know if you would like this song*
Friday, October 20, 2006
My Song of the Day
Its Friday and there's a public holiday on Monday so i am bursting with excitement. Its the little things people....LOL
Okay i am profiling a Nigerian artist that i have the pleasure of knowing. Now he is one very creative man and has achieved cross over success. He has a place in Opebi where he performs every last Friday of the month and his last single is a huge hit. Yup..Its Lagbaja.
His song "So far away" is good no doubt but my favorite song on his latest cd is "Aisan" and that is my song for today. That song is jazzy, bluesy, so Lagbaja but at the same time, so not. Its soothing and complex but so simple too. I love this song soooo much and it captures how i feel today: mellow, beautiful, special and at peace.
*Let me know if you would like this song*
Women's Issue - VVF
VVF (Vesicovaginal Fistula) is a condition that occurs when there is an abnormal tract extending between the bladder and the vagina that allows the continuous involuntary discharge of urine into the vaginal vault.
The earliest evidence of VVF was found in 1923 on the mummified body of Queen Henhenit (2050 BC). So this is nothing new. This condition has been eradicated in virtually every country except in some African countries including Nigeria.
I first learned about VVF while studying for my law degree. One of my favourite courses was "Sex and Gender in the Legal Process" which was taught by the fabulous renowned Dr Susan Edwards - she actually wrote THE book that was assigned course reading. I was horrified and saddened but quickly forgot all about it in those years of parting and fun.
A few years ago, while watching The Oprah Winfrey Show, tribute was paid to an "angel" - Dr Catherine Hamlin who with her late husband dedicated over 50 years of her life to the young sufferers of VVF disorder in Ethiopia. I could not be still. I threw myself into finding out as much information as i could about this condition and knew that i wanted to help in some way. I satisfied myself somewhat with regular cash contributions to The Fistula Trust - her organization.
When i moved home, while going through a magazine, i came across an article that tugged at my heart strings. Here in Nigeria, the Ahmadu Bello University Teaching Hospital has taken an active role in treating sufferers of the VVF disorder. In that article, i read that the financial cost of repairing a fistula is N1,500 for a minor case and can go up to N5,000 for a more serious case. I thought that sounded easy enough.
So i called the number at the end of the article and spoke the media officer of the hospital. I was stunned when she told me that majority of the women that came to the hospital were unable to raise this sum - the equivalent of $10 - $35. That's money that i can play with on a daily basis taking care of airtime, petrol, lunch - silly stuff in comparison to this.
She told me about the emotional trauma suffered by these young women (some as young as 11). Women forced into early marriages with men old enough to be their fathers. The loss of the babies since their young hips are not ripe for childbearing - the ensuing trauma of labor is too much for the infants and most are born stillborn. These women now have to bury their babies and face the humiliation of carrying a catheter bab (for the lucky ones), dealing with the ensuing odour which leads to banishment from the family hut/compund. The husbands return these women to their families who turn around and abandon them for ruining the family name and bringing shame to them. It goes on and on.
The lucky ones find their way to ABUTH, the others resign themselves to a life of ostracization and humiliation in a solitary hut away from friends and family. Condemned to be branded as outcasts. ABUTH doesnt only fix their physical wounds. Before each woman leaves the hospital, she gets a brand new set of clothes and slippers. To signify a fresh start and help them walk out of the hospital with their heads held high.
Needless to say, i am doing what i can to pay for the treatment of some of these young women as often as i can. As i write each check, i am reminded of how lucky i am. How lucky my sisters are. To have enlightenment, education, exposure, the means to help these women.
Contributions can be made to The Fistula Trust. I have found out that there are other organizations dedicated to VVF which pleases me to no end. This is another interesting article on the subject with special attention paid to Nigeria.
Here's to the young women who have to endure this, those who have had their wounds repaired. The battle for self esteem, confidence and the gradual induction back to their communities will perhaps prove to be harder to accomplish than the minor surgical procedure that "fixed" them.
The earliest evidence of VVF was found in 1923 on the mummified body of Queen Henhenit (2050 BC). So this is nothing new. This condition has been eradicated in virtually every country except in some African countries including Nigeria.
I first learned about VVF while studying for my law degree. One of my favourite courses was "Sex and Gender in the Legal Process" which was taught by the fabulous renowned Dr Susan Edwards - she actually wrote THE book that was assigned course reading. I was horrified and saddened but quickly forgot all about it in those years of parting and fun.
A few years ago, while watching The Oprah Winfrey Show, tribute was paid to an "angel" - Dr Catherine Hamlin who with her late husband dedicated over 50 years of her life to the young sufferers of VVF disorder in Ethiopia. I could not be still. I threw myself into finding out as much information as i could about this condition and knew that i wanted to help in some way. I satisfied myself somewhat with regular cash contributions to The Fistula Trust - her organization.
When i moved home, while going through a magazine, i came across an article that tugged at my heart strings. Here in Nigeria, the Ahmadu Bello University Teaching Hospital has taken an active role in treating sufferers of the VVF disorder. In that article, i read that the financial cost of repairing a fistula is N1,500 for a minor case and can go up to N5,000 for a more serious case. I thought that sounded easy enough.
So i called the number at the end of the article and spoke the media officer of the hospital. I was stunned when she told me that majority of the women that came to the hospital were unable to raise this sum - the equivalent of $10 - $35. That's money that i can play with on a daily basis taking care of airtime, petrol, lunch - silly stuff in comparison to this.
She told me about the emotional trauma suffered by these young women (some as young as 11). Women forced into early marriages with men old enough to be their fathers. The loss of the babies since their young hips are not ripe for childbearing - the ensuing trauma of labor is too much for the infants and most are born stillborn. These women now have to bury their babies and face the humiliation of carrying a catheter bab (for the lucky ones), dealing with the ensuing odour which leads to banishment from the family hut/compund. The husbands return these women to their families who turn around and abandon them for ruining the family name and bringing shame to them. It goes on and on.
The lucky ones find their way to ABUTH, the others resign themselves to a life of ostracization and humiliation in a solitary hut away from friends and family. Condemned to be branded as outcasts. ABUTH doesnt only fix their physical wounds. Before each woman leaves the hospital, she gets a brand new set of clothes and slippers. To signify a fresh start and help them walk out of the hospital with their heads held high.
Needless to say, i am doing what i can to pay for the treatment of some of these young women as often as i can. As i write each check, i am reminded of how lucky i am. How lucky my sisters are. To have enlightenment, education, exposure, the means to help these women.
Contributions can be made to The Fistula Trust. I have found out that there are other organizations dedicated to VVF which pleases me to no end. This is another interesting article on the subject with special attention paid to Nigeria.
Here's to the young women who have to endure this, those who have had their wounds repaired. The battle for self esteem, confidence and the gradual induction back to their communities will perhaps prove to be harder to accomplish than the minor surgical procedure that "fixed" them.
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