This is the last time i will discuss my "dance partner" just because i need to..
He is a friend of mine. The kind of friend that i am totally myself with. I told him in a very casual way that i was extra sweet on him and i dont really think he took me too seriously since we joke about everything under the sun. I was uncomfortable after the dream and after the words i wrote so hanging out with him was reduced to a minimum. I got over that and we are back where we are. I really dont know what triggered these feelings again.
He is to me one of the most beautiful people that ever walked this earth. He is sweet and smart. Funny but so serious at the same time. Yes. He is a wonderful person but what i adore most about him? I love the woman that i am when i am with him. He brings out all these things in me that i cant be with anyone else. Nothing is off limits. I am beautiful, smart, funny, ingenious with him and i know i am one of the few people that he is truly comfortable with.
I just know that we would be fabulous together. On the other hand, i feel like i would lose myself totally with him. I hate the Destiny's Child song "Cater to you" but the first time i heard this, i just thought of him. I would gladly cater to him. And i know it would be the same for him.
I could go on and on about how giddy this man makes me feel but i wont. The intensity of what i feel for him had me in tears on Sunday. For no reason except that i felt my head and my heart swell so much and tears rushed to my eyes and i cried. So the next logical question for me would be: why dont you really tell him how you feel? why dont you tell him that the thought of him being with anyone else is so painful? why dont i tell him that you want to be his all and all - to be the reason for his smile? why dont i tell him that i want to walk into a room and have him really smile at me. Not the way he does now, but because its me - the woman he loves?
I am brave about other things but my relationship with him is one that i dont joke with. I want to smack the women that hurt him and i get confused. I talk to him and i sense a little bit more. But then again, i cant be sure.....
So now, i want to pick up the phone and call him and tell him since i am a coward and cant do this face to face. I cant do it though. I want to hear his voice so bad but i am afraid that when he says "hey", the words out of my mouth will be "i am crazy about you".
So i will do what i did the last time, stay away from him till i have gotten this in check. The feelings will fade. I will look back at this and laugh. But for now......