So christmas day has come and gone and i have missed blogging. I have just been so overwhelmed. I just got in from spending some time with some family friends during this muslim holiday. I really hope everyone is having a great holiday. My review blog will be updated almost daily as i have spent so much time doing the things i love - movies, music and books.
So much has happened in the world though:
James Brown passed on and i will dedicate a soundbyte to this legend in the new year
Sadam Hussein has been executed. I have so many thoughts on this but in all this, the illusion of America the compassionate and just has never rung falser.
Gerald Ford passed on. He died at at a ripe age and as much as he will receive a state funeral, i will say he is not a president i know much about. His wife Betty (of the famed Betty Ford Clinic) yes but i can truly say that all i know about this president is the fact that he lost to the peanut farmer from Georgia (Jimmy Carter). It has been really interesting to watch and hear about his administration and his life.
The farce that is Nigerian politics continues and i am embarrassed at the antics of Obasanjo and his stooges. The legacy of this administration in my view is summed up as "A Comedy of Errors".
On a personal note, i am happy. My feelings for my dance partner have evolved and returned back to indifference and a little bit of irritation if i am being honest. Must have something to do with a few reconnections i have made over this period that have given me a different point of view. But i have been here before, felt this way before for my dance partner so i will not be leaping and doing backflips at really being over him....
Enjoy the rest of the holiday....
Saturday, December 30, 2006
Friday, December 22, 2006
Soundbyte
Just to get us all in the party spirit.....
Dbanj - Why me
Hot! Hot! Hot! I went to Saipan last night and i am out again tonight. Yes, i will be worn out but aint no shame in it....
Stay blessed you guys...
Xmas time!!!
Oh boy. My social calendar is brimming. I really really want to blog but my parties and stuff are demanding my attention. So i will be blogging sporadically over the next 2 weeks. For those bloggers that will be in Lagos and would like to hang out, email me at uamuta@yahoo.com. I am ready to paaaaaaaaaaaaaarty.
You guys have a blessed, lovely and safe christmas and new year..........
Loads of kisses and hugs....
You guys have a blessed, lovely and safe christmas and new year..........
Loads of kisses and hugs....
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
My Movie wishlist for the season.....
One of my favorite things to do when i have free time, is to hang out in my house in my pyjamas, wearing my favorite pair of socks and watching movies. I love movies. In my heart of hearts, i am a homebody. Sure i go out and i can tear it up on the dance floor but i am more content being home by myself (i am a bit of a loner as well) or with the ones i love, cooking for them and watching movies.
These are the movies that i want to see over this holiday period:
These are the movies that i want to see over this holiday period:
- Stranger Than Fiction starring Will Ferrell, Queen Latifah and Dustin Hoffman
- Baabul starring Amitabh Bachchan, Hema Malini, Salman Khan and John Abraham
- The Pursuit of Happyness starring Will Smith, Thandie Newton and Jaden Smith
- Blood Diamond starring Leornardo DiCaprio, Djimon Hounsou and Jennifer Connelly
- Borat starring Sascha Cohen
- Happy Feet (Animated) starring Elijah Wood, Robin Williams and Nicole Kidman
- Dhoom 2 starring Abhishek Bachchan and Hrithik Roshan
- Deja Vu starring Denzel Washington, Jim Caviezel and Val Kilmer
- Eragon starring Jeremy Irons, Djimon Hounsou and John Malkovich
That being said, there is the abundance of eye candy here - Djimon Hounsou, Will Smith, Abhishek Bachchan etc. I appreciate God's work......
Soundbyte!
All the mushiness of the last few days has been shelved to make way for end of year reports and the christmas spirit. Thanks for all the words of encouragement. Telling him would make sense i know but i am not sure if i am ready for that.
Anyway, my song for today is a feel good song and is actually by a whole ton of hot male artists:
Black Men United - You will know
This song is on the Jason's Lyric soundtrack and i remember it causing a bit of a stir when it came out. The movie had some pretty hot scenes with Jada Pinkett Smith and the song - hot as well.
Black Men United made up of artists like Aaron Hall, Tevin Campbell, Boyz II Men, Brian McKnight etc i guess wanted to pen a positive anthem for black men. Jason's Lyric came out at about the same time as hardcore movies like Menace II Society and Boyz in the Hood so the perception of the black man at the time was gritty...
Anyway, its old, it takes me back and brings back some memories so enjoy!
*If you would like this song, leave me an email address in the comments section*
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
The last of it....
This is the last time i will discuss my "dance partner" just because i need to..
He is a friend of mine. The kind of friend that i am totally myself with. I told him in a very casual way that i was extra sweet on him and i dont really think he took me too seriously since we joke about everything under the sun. I was uncomfortable after the dream and after the words i wrote so hanging out with him was reduced to a minimum. I got over that and we are back where we are. I really dont know what triggered these feelings again.
He is to me one of the most beautiful people that ever walked this earth. He is sweet and smart. Funny but so serious at the same time. Yes. He is a wonderful person but what i adore most about him? I love the woman that i am when i am with him. He brings out all these things in me that i cant be with anyone else. Nothing is off limits. I am beautiful, smart, funny, ingenious with him and i know i am one of the few people that he is truly comfortable with.
I just know that we would be fabulous together. On the other hand, i feel like i would lose myself totally with him. I hate the Destiny's Child song "Cater to you" but the first time i heard this, i just thought of him. I would gladly cater to him. And i know it would be the same for him.
I could go on and on about how giddy this man makes me feel but i wont. The intensity of what i feel for him had me in tears on Sunday. For no reason except that i felt my head and my heart swell so much and tears rushed to my eyes and i cried. So the next logical question for me would be: why dont you really tell him how you feel? why dont you tell him that the thought of him being with anyone else is so painful? why dont i tell him that you want to be his all and all - to be the reason for his smile? why dont i tell him that i want to walk into a room and have him really smile at me. Not the way he does now, but because its me - the woman he loves?
I am brave about other things but my relationship with him is one that i dont joke with. I want to smack the women that hurt him and i get confused. I talk to him and i sense a little bit more. But then again, i cant be sure.....
So now, i want to pick up the phone and call him and tell him since i am a coward and cant do this face to face. I cant do it though. I want to hear his voice so bad but i am afraid that when he says "hey", the words out of my mouth will be "i am crazy about you".
So i will do what i did the last time, stay away from him till i have gotten this in check. The feelings will fade. I will look back at this and laugh. But for now......
He is a friend of mine. The kind of friend that i am totally myself with. I told him in a very casual way that i was extra sweet on him and i dont really think he took me too seriously since we joke about everything under the sun. I was uncomfortable after the dream and after the words i wrote so hanging out with him was reduced to a minimum. I got over that and we are back where we are. I really dont know what triggered these feelings again.
He is to me one of the most beautiful people that ever walked this earth. He is sweet and smart. Funny but so serious at the same time. Yes. He is a wonderful person but what i adore most about him? I love the woman that i am when i am with him. He brings out all these things in me that i cant be with anyone else. Nothing is off limits. I am beautiful, smart, funny, ingenious with him and i know i am one of the few people that he is truly comfortable with.
I just know that we would be fabulous together. On the other hand, i feel like i would lose myself totally with him. I hate the Destiny's Child song "Cater to you" but the first time i heard this, i just thought of him. I would gladly cater to him. And i know it would be the same for him.
I could go on and on about how giddy this man makes me feel but i wont. The intensity of what i feel for him had me in tears on Sunday. For no reason except that i felt my head and my heart swell so much and tears rushed to my eyes and i cried. So the next logical question for me would be: why dont you really tell him how you feel? why dont you tell him that the thought of him being with anyone else is so painful? why dont i tell him that you want to be his all and all - to be the reason for his smile? why dont i tell him that i want to walk into a room and have him really smile at me. Not the way he does now, but because its me - the woman he loves?
I am brave about other things but my relationship with him is one that i dont joke with. I want to smack the women that hurt him and i get confused. I talk to him and i sense a little bit more. But then again, i cant be sure.....
So now, i want to pick up the phone and call him and tell him since i am a coward and cant do this face to face. I cant do it though. I want to hear his voice so bad but i am afraid that when he says "hey", the words out of my mouth will be "i am crazy about you".
So i will do what i did the last time, stay away from him till i have gotten this in check. The feelings will fade. I will look back at this and laugh. But for now......
Soundbyte!
So after those reposts, i think everyone is up to speed.
I cant snap myself out of all these feelings and my song for today reflects exactly how i feel today:
Rascal Flatts - God bless the broken road
Its a country song i know. But listen to the words. They cant be any more apt words sung. Actually, the lyrics are below.
*If you would like this song, leave me an email in the comments section*
I set out on a narrow way many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you
Every long lost dream lead me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you
I think about the years I spent just passing through
I'd like to have the time I lost and give it back to you
But you just smile and take my hand
You've been there you understand
It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true
Every long lost dream lead me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you
Monday, December 18, 2006
After my dream.....
I wrote this after that dream:
We flirt, we laugh, we touch
We say things loaded with double meanings
This dance - A two step
We talk and communicate
Not as two people but as two souls
Learning our reason for being
This dance - a waltz
We lose touch
We dont talk for days, sometimes weeks
For no concrete reason
Life just gets in the way
This dance - a cha-cha
What i want
What should be
What you dont see
But i see oh so clearly
Is that we are mean to be
To spend forever dancing though life
The hot sweaty tango
The seductive salsa
The elegance of ballroom dancing
The energy and confusion of the boogie
The quirkiness and fun of country line dancing
The intimacy of slow dancing
The passion and culture of Atilogu
The rythmn of bata
I want to share a lifetime of dances with you.
We flirt, we laugh, we touch
We say things loaded with double meanings
This dance - A two step
We talk and communicate
Not as two people but as two souls
Learning our reason for being
This dance - a waltz
We lose touch
We dont talk for days, sometimes weeks
For no concrete reason
Life just gets in the way
This dance - a cha-cha
What i want
What should be
What you dont see
But i see oh so clearly
Is that we are mean to be
To spend forever dancing though life
The hot sweaty tango
The seductive salsa
The elegance of ballroom dancing
The energy and confusion of the boogie
The quirkiness and fun of country line dancing
The intimacy of slow dancing
The passion and culture of Atilogu
The rythmn of bata
I want to share a lifetime of dances with you.
After my dream.....
I wrote this after that dream:
We flirt, we laugh, we touch
We say things loaded with double meanings
This dance - A two step
We talk and communicate
Not as two people but as two souls
Learning our reason for being
This dance - a waltz
We lose touch
We dont talk for days, sometimes weeks
For no concrete reason
Life just gets in the way
This dance - a cha-cha
What i want
What should be
What you dont see
But i see oh so clearly
Is that we are mean to be
To spend forever dancing though life
The hot sweaty tango
The seductive salsa
The elegance of ballroom dancing
The energy and confusion of the boogie
The quirkiness and fun of country line dancing
The intimacy of slow dancing
The passion and culture of Atilogu
The rythmn of bata
I want to share a lifetime of dances with you.
We flirt, we laugh, we touch
We say things loaded with double meanings
This dance - A two step
We talk and communicate
Not as two people but as two souls
Learning our reason for being
This dance - a waltz
We lose touch
We dont talk for days, sometimes weeks
For no concrete reason
Life just gets in the way
This dance - a cha-cha
What i want
What should be
What you dont see
But i see oh so clearly
Is that we are mean to be
To spend forever dancing though life
The hot sweaty tango
The seductive salsa
The elegance of ballroom dancing
The energy and confusion of the boogie
The quirkiness and fun of country line dancing
The intimacy of slow dancing
The passion and culture of Atilogu
The rythmn of bata
I want to share a lifetime of dances with you.
Repost - July 10, 2006 (How it all began)
I am sure we have had dreams about people. Getting married or being with a special person. In your dreams, everything is great but you never see the face of this person that makes you feel content and secure. You wake up feeling so great and wishing it was real.
I know that some of my friends have had variations of this dream and its usually funny. It must be all this talk of weddings (I am planning a friend's wedding in december and will be a bridesmaid). I went to bed last night and considering how emotional i got over France's defeat, i expected to have a dream about goring Materazzi and stealing the 24 carat World Cup.
So wrong. I dreamt very vividly that i was getting married. I dreamt that i was staring at myself in my mom's mirror and she was lifting my veil over my face. My dad looked like he was going to cry and i looked radiant. I dreamt i was walking down the aisle, wanting to run to him - eager to marry him.
This is the part that freaks me out. He turns around and i can see his face. Its not Gary Dourdan. Its the face of someone i know. I woke up with a start and with my heart racing.
So what does this mean? Nothing? Something? Its quite laughable actually but......Well what do i do when i see him? I cant tell him this crap. But the image is so clear in my mind. What in the world?
I guess this will pass in a few days but i am a little freaked.......Weird.
I know that some of my friends have had variations of this dream and its usually funny. It must be all this talk of weddings (I am planning a friend's wedding in december and will be a bridesmaid). I went to bed last night and considering how emotional i got over France's defeat, i expected to have a dream about goring Materazzi and stealing the 24 carat World Cup.
So wrong. I dreamt very vividly that i was getting married. I dreamt that i was staring at myself in my mom's mirror and she was lifting my veil over my face. My dad looked like he was going to cry and i looked radiant. I dreamt i was walking down the aisle, wanting to run to him - eager to marry him.
This is the part that freaks me out. He turns around and i can see his face. Its not Gary Dourdan. Its the face of someone i know. I woke up with a start and with my heart racing.
So what does this mean? Nothing? Something? Its quite laughable actually but......Well what do i do when i see him? I cant tell him this crap. But the image is so clear in my mind. What in the world?
I guess this will pass in a few days but i am a little freaked.......Weird.
Lyrics for The Dance
So these are the lyrics to my song...there's a reason i am putting this up...Just follow my train of thought....
Looking back on the memory of
The dance we'd shared underneath the stars above
For the moment all the world
How could i've known that ever say goodbye
And now i'm glad I did know the way it would end
The way it would go
Our lives are better left to chance
Could i miss the pain but now had
To miss the dance
The dance
But could i miss the dance
Holding u i held everything
For the moment I was a king
How could i've known that i'd ever say goodbye
And now i'm glad I did know the way it would end
The way it would go
And is life better left,
Could i miss the pain
But now i had to miss the dance
The dance
Looking back on the memory of
The dance we'd shared underneath the stars above
For the moment all the world
How could i've known that ever say goodbye
And now i'm glad I did know the way it would end
The way it would go
Our lives are better left to chance
Could i miss the pain but now had
To miss the dance
The dance
But could i miss the dance
Holding u i held everything
For the moment I was a king
How could i've known that i'd ever say goodbye
And now i'm glad I did know the way it would end
The way it would go
And is life better left,
Could i miss the pain
But now i had to miss the dance
The dance
Soundbyte!
Its Monday again and even though i usually detest Mondays, today is different. After putting up "Yearning"on friday, i have been in a weird place. Its difficult to explain but i am back to yearning for my "dance partner". I blogged about this on my old yahoo blog but i will put up a series of reposts to get the new readers up to speed. I call him my dance partner because my favorite song ever is also my song for today:
Dave Koz ft BeBe Winans - The Dance
I have used this song before as a soundbyte but the situation today calls for it again. I love this song and i have managed to expand on it as well. I think of "The Dance" as Life and so my 'dance partner" is the person that i want to go through my life with. Make sense?
I will try to explain this a little more. I got over my "dance partner" months ago and our relationship eased back to what it used to be but oh boy am i back to that place again.
Anyway, i am getting ahead of myself so let me put up the resposts so you'all get what i am saying.
Here's to my blue monday.
*If you would like this song, leave me an email in the comments section*
Friday, December 15, 2006
Yearning - One of my few attempts at poetry.....
As my day winds down, i am filled with longing and desire
A desire to be with you
A longing to be come home to you
To have you ask me how my day was
Hold me as we catch up on each other's days
The highs and the lows
Have you rub my back and we hunker down to watch Grey's Anatomy or some other show
I almost get carried away till i realise that once again, its just a daydream
I havent met you yet
If everyone is to be believed, you are somewhere waiting for me too
But when will our paths cross?
I know that a lot of time i make do
Make do with shadows of you
Other times, my thoughts keep you away
Knowing sometimes i am not ready for you yet
But on days like today, nothing else seems to matter
I long for you
I am yearning for you
I am breathless with anticipation
I am excited at the thought of being yours
Knowing that these things i am scared of will fade away with you
Wanting and longing for you
Yearning!
A desire to be with you
A longing to be come home to you
To have you ask me how my day was
Hold me as we catch up on each other's days
The highs and the lows
Have you rub my back and we hunker down to watch Grey's Anatomy or some other show
I almost get carried away till i realise that once again, its just a daydream
I havent met you yet
If everyone is to be believed, you are somewhere waiting for me too
But when will our paths cross?
I know that a lot of time i make do
Make do with shadows of you
Other times, my thoughts keep you away
Knowing sometimes i am not ready for you yet
But on days like today, nothing else seems to matter
I long for you
I am yearning for you
I am breathless with anticipation
I am excited at the thought of being yours
Knowing that these things i am scared of will fade away with you
Wanting and longing for you
Yearning!
The reason for my exhaustion
I can barely keep my eyes open, i ache all over and i am wearing my glasses today because my eyes are too tired to have contact lens in. Why?
My office christmas party was yesterday.
I was part of the planning committee so we all went to town in a bid to surpass last year's effort which was a resounding success.
We had the party at La Scala which is at Muson Center and we tore it up. I was MC (apparently i am quite the comedienne and after what i did last year, this was an uncontested decision). Anyway, i got myself all dressed up after making sure the restaurant looked alright. It looked beautiful and the DJ set up looked promising. I got myself into a pair of jeans, a white top and a pink and white jacket. Jazzed this up with oversized gold hoops, a pink and gold enamel bracelet and my show stopping piece - a diamante "U" on a black suede cord. Pumps that are a bit difficult to describe but they were really hot. My hair is in braids so i had it up and then did my makeup. I hardly ever wear makeup but i got down to it last night and based on the compliments i got and the heads i turned including one indecent proposal from a married man, i know i looked hot.
We even had a simulated red carpet arrivals thing.
Anyway, i did my thing, went through the agenda that included team performances (these consultants really have life outside the office), Awards with presenters, nominees and acceptance speeches (including categories like ladies' man), Lucky dip (where the star prize was an flat screen TV), Dinner and speeches. I had 2 friends make time out to come and the official program ended well. Clients showed up ready to rock and so after we cut the cake, the lights went down and the DJ started. At this point, i changed from the 4 inch heels to flats.
Hey! We danced and danced. I danced with bosses, clients, friends. I danced for like 2 hours straight. The DJ was so great. One minute we were groving to "sexyback", the next it was "why me", then it was "ring my bells". Everytime i would get tired and want to seat down, the music would change and i would stay. Hey! I abducted a table napkin that i danced with and used to wipe my face. We danced and danced. I was one of the last to leave at about 1am and i am paying the price today.
Head aching, feet aching but i wouldnt trade it for anything. It was great.....Wish you all could have been there...
My office christmas party was yesterday.
I was part of the planning committee so we all went to town in a bid to surpass last year's effort which was a resounding success.
We had the party at La Scala which is at Muson Center and we tore it up. I was MC (apparently i am quite the comedienne and after what i did last year, this was an uncontested decision). Anyway, i got myself all dressed up after making sure the restaurant looked alright. It looked beautiful and the DJ set up looked promising. I got myself into a pair of jeans, a white top and a pink and white jacket. Jazzed this up with oversized gold hoops, a pink and gold enamel bracelet and my show stopping piece - a diamante "U" on a black suede cord. Pumps that are a bit difficult to describe but they were really hot. My hair is in braids so i had it up and then did my makeup. I hardly ever wear makeup but i got down to it last night and based on the compliments i got and the heads i turned including one indecent proposal from a married man, i know i looked hot.
We even had a simulated red carpet arrivals thing.
Anyway, i did my thing, went through the agenda that included team performances (these consultants really have life outside the office), Awards with presenters, nominees and acceptance speeches (including categories like ladies' man), Lucky dip (where the star prize was an flat screen TV), Dinner and speeches. I had 2 friends make time out to come and the official program ended well. Clients showed up ready to rock and so after we cut the cake, the lights went down and the DJ started. At this point, i changed from the 4 inch heels to flats.
Hey! We danced and danced. I danced with bosses, clients, friends. I danced for like 2 hours straight. The DJ was so great. One minute we were groving to "sexyback", the next it was "why me", then it was "ring my bells". Everytime i would get tired and want to seat down, the music would change and i would stay. Hey! I abducted a table napkin that i danced with and used to wipe my face. We danced and danced. I was one of the last to leave at about 1am and i am paying the price today.
Head aching, feet aching but i wouldnt trade it for anything. It was great.....Wish you all could have been there...
Thursday, December 14, 2006
On my wishlist....
Gary Dourdan. I have wished for this man for the past 5 years or so. Will i get lucky this year?
Soundbyte!
Friday and i am exhausted. I am going to post on the reason why. My song for today is a gospel/inspirational song by a new Nigerian Artist:
Resonance - Lee Lee
I really really like this song. She is pretty talented and the video for this song is soooo nice - think India Arie in Brown Skin.
Anyway, i chose this song because it makes me feel good, she speaks some Igbo in the song and it doesnt require any energy to enjoy it.
So enjoy!
*If you would like this song, leave me an email address in the comments section*
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
Soundbyte!
"She's a very freaky girl....The kind you dont take home to momma"
These lyrics are from my song of the day and its hot, hot, hot:
Rick James - Super Freak
Oh boy! Where do i begin. Rick James was baaad way back in the day. I will be really disappointed if noone has heard this song. Yes, it is the inspiration for MC Hammer's "You cant touch this" (which is a post for another day) but this song is more than that. Does anyone remember the video? Rick and his hair with the beads. And the women. Rick did not discriminate. An equal opportunity lover - women of all colors in there. And the attitude as he delivered his lines.
Rick was a singer, keyboardist, bassist, record producer, arranger and composer. He was known as the King of Punk Funk and his trademark cornrows before they became fashionable.
Rick had a very dark side though. He was addicted to cocaine which he smoked. He was convicted of assaulting women during his cocaine binges. The most famous case was in 1994, when he and his future wife were accused of holding a 24 year old woman hostage for up to 6 days. They tied her up, forced her to perform sexual acts, burnt her legs & tummy with a hot crack pipe during a weeklong cocaine binge. He served 2 years in prison for this and another assault incident on a music producer.
Rick James passed away in 2004 but not before leaving his mark in the music world.
I love this song and i listen to Rick's music and not think about his personal life. He rocked vocally. Enjoy!
*If you would like this song, leave me an email address in the comments section*
These lyrics are from my song of the day and its hot, hot, hot:
Rick James - Super Freak
Oh boy! Where do i begin. Rick James was baaad way back in the day. I will be really disappointed if noone has heard this song. Yes, it is the inspiration for MC Hammer's "You cant touch this" (which is a post for another day) but this song is more than that. Does anyone remember the video? Rick and his hair with the beads. And the women. Rick did not discriminate. An equal opportunity lover - women of all colors in there. And the attitude as he delivered his lines.
Rick was a singer, keyboardist, bassist, record producer, arranger and composer. He was known as the King of Punk Funk and his trademark cornrows before they became fashionable.
Rick had a very dark side though. He was addicted to cocaine which he smoked. He was convicted of assaulting women during his cocaine binges. The most famous case was in 1994, when he and his future wife were accused of holding a 24 year old woman hostage for up to 6 days. They tied her up, forced her to perform sexual acts, burnt her legs & tummy with a hot crack pipe during a weeklong cocaine binge. He served 2 years in prison for this and another assault incident on a music producer.
Rick James passed away in 2004 but not before leaving his mark in the music world.
I love this song and i listen to Rick's music and not think about his personal life. He rocked vocally. Enjoy!
*If you would like this song, leave me an email address in the comments section*
Serial Killer?
LONDON, England (Reuters) -- Police flooded the red light area of Ipswich with officers overnight in a bid to catch a feared serial killer after three prostitutes were found dead and two more reported missing.
Detectives said on Tuesday they had still not received news on Paula Clennell, 24, who has not been seen since Saturday, and 29-year-old Annette Nicholls, who has been missing for at least a week. The deaths and disappearances have spread panic in the back streets of Ipswich which were reported to have been quiet as most sex workers heeded police warnings to stay at home.
Police said they were still only linking two murders -- those of Gemma Adams, 25, and 19-year-old Tania Nicol whose naked bodies were found in the same stretch of water to the west of the city. The naked corpse of a third women, 24, was found in Nacton to the east of Ipswich on December 10.
"We are not linking it (the death) at this stage, clearly there are distinct and striking similarities -- all young, all women, all prostitutes who worked the streets of Ipswich," said Detective Chief Superintendent Stewart Gull. "The body underwent a Home Office post mortem late last night and I anticipate having those results today," he told BBC radio. Gull said it was too early to say whether one individual or more were behind the murders. "I am convinced the working prostitutes in Ipswich probably hold the key as to who is responsible and they need to contact Suffolk Police with any suspicions they may have."
On December 2 police found Nicol in a stream and on December 8 police divers recovered the body of Adams in the same stretch of water. Detectives have said none of the dead women are thought to have been sexually assaulted.
Detectives said on Tuesday they had still not received news on Paula Clennell, 24, who has not been seen since Saturday, and 29-year-old Annette Nicholls, who has been missing for at least a week. The deaths and disappearances have spread panic in the back streets of Ipswich which were reported to have been quiet as most sex workers heeded police warnings to stay at home.
Police said they were still only linking two murders -- those of Gemma Adams, 25, and 19-year-old Tania Nicol whose naked bodies were found in the same stretch of water to the west of the city. The naked corpse of a third women, 24, was found in Nacton to the east of Ipswich on December 10.
"We are not linking it (the death) at this stage, clearly there are distinct and striking similarities -- all young, all women, all prostitutes who worked the streets of Ipswich," said Detective Chief Superintendent Stewart Gull. "The body underwent a Home Office post mortem late last night and I anticipate having those results today," he told BBC radio. Gull said it was too early to say whether one individual or more were behind the murders. "I am convinced the working prostitutes in Ipswich probably hold the key as to who is responsible and they need to contact Suffolk Police with any suspicions they may have."
On December 2 police found Nicol in a stream and on December 8 police divers recovered the body of Adams in the same stretch of water. Detectives have said none of the dead women are thought to have been sexually assaulted.
Soundbyte!
I am officially in the Christmas mood now. The stores are all pretty and decorated. Its December 12th. Wow. I close work for the year next week, some of my friends are coming into the country for the holidays parties and get togethers, christmas trees...Its christmas time. So let's go back in time with one fo the most played carols in Nigeria:
Boney M - Mary's Boy Child
Where do i start? For the longest time, it seemed that christmas carols meant playing Boney M's christmas tape/cd. Every store had the same music on. I especially remember going christmas shopping with my parents to UTC (on Oba Akran road in Ikeja) where we would buy fixings for christmas breakfast - frankfurters, bacon and stuff. We also went to see the Father Christmas in the grotto. Oh such excitement. In we went into this dark hut like place and in to see Father Christmas. He put us on his lap, said what big children we were and reached into his sack and handed over a present. oh the joy. I remember my baby sister screaming her head off all the time. I guess Father Christmas scared her. I dont remember when i began to REALLY see this for the load of crap it was. UTC's standards went down and it was just a big space with crappy stuff. Then the grotto didnt seem magical anymore. It was just a cardboard like contraption. When you got inside, there were some witchy looking ladies saying "Turn here" and it smelled musty. It was decorated with those colorful christmas lights that always had some bulbs either dead or missing. Then Father Christmas wasnt jolly. He was a man with cotton wool as a beard, a dirty ill fitting sants suit and he had red eyes. The sack of gifts was nothing more than a burlap sack and the gifts were cheap white paperbags with a plastic container and a pencil in it. What happened to all the magic? That year was the last time i was entralled by christmas and Father Christmas. My joy in the holidays was reignited the first christmas i spent in New York. Oh the snow. The lights. Rockerfella Center. The massive tree. And yes, the Santa Claus (not Father Christmas) in Macy's. I saw the cute elves and this rosy cheeked Santa and rudolph and a sleigh and gifts wrapped in wrapping paper with bows and Santa asked you what you wanted and if you had been good all year round. Forget the fact that was 17 or so. I wanted to join that queue and have a santa experience. Such joy.
Now, i am still a huge fan of christmas. Just more sedated. Okay i lie. I bought a mini christmas tree last year for my house. It seems that since the kids left, my parents just didnt bother with the huge tree we have. So i bought this cute one with silver ornaments. I made christmas lunch last year and will do so again this year. I bought presents and wrapped them all myself. Woke up at 6am on christmas morning to dash into my parents room screaming "its christmas day". Tossed their presents at them and commanded them to unwrap. I was like a maniac. And yes, i had on a new christmas ensemble. Granted it was more like new adidas joggers and a new white tshirt but still. They were new.
Boney M - remember them. With their shiny skin tight outfits and the token man with the afro. I used to think that Boney M was actually the man and the ladies were his dancers. LOL
Get into the spirit of the holidays. Sure there is a big reason we celebrate - the birth of Christ but i think we older folks (LOL) need to lighten up and become almost childlike again. Enjoy.
*If you would like this song, leave me an email address in the comments section*
Monday, December 11, 2006
ABC, Nigeria & 419
ABC's hugely popular news program 20/20 aired a special on Nigerian scammers. It has made the papers here today and of course we are all affronted. Check it out here and let me know what you think....According to The Guardian, the program goes on to describe my Lagos as "a crime ridden disgrace of a city" and has shots of Oshodi to buttress its point. I am upset all round. Mad at these 419ers that give programs like 20/20 material to embarrass us with. Mad at 20/20 for in my mind not showing the muguns for what they are - greedy fools, mad that Brian Goss and his team have the guts to use a Nigerian song to make their point, mad at it the fact that in some respects, they are right, mad at it all
There is also a side news item on the same site above that tells the story of an ex-congressman who happens to be the father of Chelsea Clinton's current boyfriend (and rumoured fiance) serving a jail term for his love for scams including the Nigerian black money scam.
There is also a side news item on the same site above that tells the story of an ex-congressman who happens to be the father of Chelsea Clinton's current boyfriend (and rumoured fiance) serving a jail term for his love for scams including the Nigerian black money scam.
On my wishlist.....
Shoe and purse combo from Faith. In size 38/39. Now on sale for 40 pounds. Its a steal. I want this color too....
Soundbyte!
Happy Monday!
I usually listen to music on my ipod using the shuffle option. This morning, this song came on and it was all i could do to stop myself from jumping in delight:
Sisqo - Thong Song
Remember this. Silly song, hot video, overplayed over a summer period. Oh and Sisqo - formerly of Dru Hill. This man/boy had so much energy. Remember the backflips and summersaults. And his hair. That platinum blond thing and didnt he have a piercing through his eyebrow? The sheer fun of this song. I remember a performance where all the girls in the thongs had glo in the dark stuff on and i dont know what kind of contact lens Sisqo had on, but they were scary. The success of this song alone made any releases by the other Dru Hill members seem irrelevant and a second album by Sisqo would have had so much to live up to.
Where on earth is Sisqo anyway?
Enjoy!
*If you would like this song, leave me an email address in the comments section*
Friday, December 08, 2006
A little extra....
I couldnt find the Patra (Scent of Attraction) video so you can find Aaron Hall's "I miss you" here...
Women's Issue - Widowhood Pt 2
Africa
African widows, irrespective of ethnic groups, are among the most ulnerable and destitute women in the region. Common to both francophone and anglophone countries in the region is the concept that death does not end a marriage. While the widow may have no rights to ownership
of her husband’s property, she is usually expected to fulfil obligations towards her deceased husband through her participation in traditional practices. In return she would be allowed to remain in her home and to have rights to cultivate land.
In the past, this pattern of reciprocal duties and obligations in an extended family protected the widow and her children. Today, the custom is more likely to be used to oppress and exploit them. The low status, poverty and violence experienced by widows stem from discrimination in
inheritance custom, the patriarchal nature of society, and the domination of oppressive traditional practices and customary codes, which take precedence over constitutional guarantees
of equality, modern laws and international women’s human rights
standards.
A widow’s husband’s brothers can be covetous and unscrupulous. “Chasing off” and “property grabbing” are common features of widowhood everywhere in this region, and even newly reformed laws have been ineffective in protecting the victims. Widow abuse is visible across ethnic groups, income, class and education. Legislative reform in compliance with international
treaties, such as the Convention on the Elimination of All Forms of Discrimination against Women, has largely failed to take precedence over local interpretations of customary law.
Widowhood may deprive women of their home, agricultural land, assets and even their children. The poverty of widowhood causes children, especially girls, to be withdrawn from school. In some ethnic groups, degrading rituals such as ritual cleansing by sex, widow inheritance, the practice of levirate and accusations of witchcraft support institutionalized widow abuse of the
gravest nature. This type of gender related violence, unlike female genital mutilation and so-called “honour killings”, has yet to reach the agenda of international women’s human rights activities.
In many countries, widows’ coping strategies involve exploitative informal sector work, putting children into child labour, begging and, ultimately, sex work. Some women have been able to use determination and courage in the face of tragedy and, either individually or in cooperation with other widows, have become self-supporting and entrepreneurial, running small businesses, farming, and supporting their children and mother dependants.
The strength of widows’ groups in Uganda (such as The Aids Support Organisation (TASO) and
Philly Lutaaya) is a model of what can be achieved when widows organize themselves.
Widows’ groups in Ghana, Kenya, Nigeria and Swaziland are heightening awareness of the issues and providing training in income-generation, health care and shelter for destitute widows and their families. More of these groups need to be encouraged to develop so that widows are not
just seen in terms of recipients of welfare relief but as women whose contribution to the economy and potential role in society should be properly acknowledged.
In Africa, armed conflict and HIV/AIDS have brought widowhood prematurely to millions of women. A wave of genocide created 500,000 widows in Rwanda. Sixty per cent of adult women were widowed by the wars in Angola and Mozambique. After the genocide, many widows
became victims of their husbands’ male relatives who, rather than protect and support them, denied them any access to their husbands’ land or property. The NGO called the Association of Widows of the Genocide of April 1994 (AVEGA) reports that six years after the mass raping of war widows by HIV- infected assailants, at least two of its members die from AIDS each week.
Similar NGO reports on war widowhood come from Angola, the Congo, Mozambique, Nigeria,
Somalia and northern Uganda. The linkages between widowhood, inheritance law, land ownership, armed conflict, HIV/AIDS and poverty are vividly illustrated in this region.
Inheritance has been the subject of law reform in many countries of anglophone Africa. Ghana, Malawi, Nigeria, Zambia and Zimbabwe are among those Governments that have legislated for equality in inheritance rights in compliance with their obligations under the Beijing Platform for Action and human rights treaties, such as the Convention on the Elimination of All Forms of Discrimination against Women and the Convention on the Rights of the Child. However, it is
clear that at the local level discriminatory customary rules on inheritance still apply, whatever constitutional guarantees or modern laws exist.
In rare cases where courageous women have defied threats of violence and taken their cases to court, some independent and creative judges have decreed that international law as laid down under the Convention on the Elimination of All Forms of Discrimination against Women takes precedence over custom and religion.
In the United Republic of Tanzania, widows of all ages suffer extreme violence due to lack of inheritance rights under customary law. Of great concern, especially in the context of communicable diseases, are the harmful, degrading and life-threatening traditional
practices as part of burial rites. For example, in a number of countries, widows are forced to drink the water that their husbands’ corpses have been washed in. Ghana is one of the few countries that has enacted specific legislation in this area. There is little awareness of this ambiguously drafted 1989 amendment to the Penal Code; and it has never been enforced.
Research into the nature and effect of widows’ mourning rites has been scant, although the practice violates many basic principles contained in all key international human rights conventions. One of Nigeria’s widow NGOs, Widows Development Organization, has undertaken a survey of traditional mourning practices among its members. However, taboos on discussing such intimate topics have allowed for little research on this aspect of widow abuse in Africa. This contrasts with the abundance of research, done in East and Southern Africa, into widows’ rights
to inheritance and land use.
Widowhood practices in Nigeria
In Nigeria, family law permits certain widowhood practices which discriminate gainst women, particularly women married according to customary rather than statutory law. Some of the negative practices derive from the belief that "the beauty of a woman is her husband". At his death, she is seen as unclean and impure, and the customs she must observe in the weeks following her husband’s death can undermine health. If she has no male adult children, she may be ejected from her husband’s house as both it and his land will have been inherited by his
oldest brother. In most cases, the husband’s kin do not provide the widow with any economic support, particularly if she will not accept the status of being an additional wife to one of her husband’s brothers.
In a study in Imo State, Nigeria, interviews and discussions were held with traditional rulers, leaders of women’s organizations and widows. Five factors that have an impact on the health and economic status of widows were identified: a long period of incarceration during mourning;
an obligatory poor standard of hygiene; deprivation of the husband’s property and maltreatment by his relatives; the enforcement of persistent wailing; and the practice of demanding that a widow sit in the same room with her husband’s body until burial.
African widows, irrespective of ethnic groups, are among the most ulnerable and destitute women in the region. Common to both francophone and anglophone countries in the region is the concept that death does not end a marriage. While the widow may have no rights to ownership
of her husband’s property, she is usually expected to fulfil obligations towards her deceased husband through her participation in traditional practices. In return she would be allowed to remain in her home and to have rights to cultivate land.
In the past, this pattern of reciprocal duties and obligations in an extended family protected the widow and her children. Today, the custom is more likely to be used to oppress and exploit them. The low status, poverty and violence experienced by widows stem from discrimination in
inheritance custom, the patriarchal nature of society, and the domination of oppressive traditional practices and customary codes, which take precedence over constitutional guarantees
of equality, modern laws and international women’s human rights
standards.
A widow’s husband’s brothers can be covetous and unscrupulous. “Chasing off” and “property grabbing” are common features of widowhood everywhere in this region, and even newly reformed laws have been ineffective in protecting the victims. Widow abuse is visible across ethnic groups, income, class and education. Legislative reform in compliance with international
treaties, such as the Convention on the Elimination of All Forms of Discrimination against Women, has largely failed to take precedence over local interpretations of customary law.
Widowhood may deprive women of their home, agricultural land, assets and even their children. The poverty of widowhood causes children, especially girls, to be withdrawn from school. In some ethnic groups, degrading rituals such as ritual cleansing by sex, widow inheritance, the practice of levirate and accusations of witchcraft support institutionalized widow abuse of the
gravest nature. This type of gender related violence, unlike female genital mutilation and so-called “honour killings”, has yet to reach the agenda of international women’s human rights activities.
In many countries, widows’ coping strategies involve exploitative informal sector work, putting children into child labour, begging and, ultimately, sex work. Some women have been able to use determination and courage in the face of tragedy and, either individually or in cooperation with other widows, have become self-supporting and entrepreneurial, running small businesses, farming, and supporting their children and mother dependants.
The strength of widows’ groups in Uganda (such as The Aids Support Organisation (TASO) and
Philly Lutaaya) is a model of what can be achieved when widows organize themselves.
Widows’ groups in Ghana, Kenya, Nigeria and Swaziland are heightening awareness of the issues and providing training in income-generation, health care and shelter for destitute widows and their families. More of these groups need to be encouraged to develop so that widows are not
just seen in terms of recipients of welfare relief but as women whose contribution to the economy and potential role in society should be properly acknowledged.
In Africa, armed conflict and HIV/AIDS have brought widowhood prematurely to millions of women. A wave of genocide created 500,000 widows in Rwanda. Sixty per cent of adult women were widowed by the wars in Angola and Mozambique. After the genocide, many widows
became victims of their husbands’ male relatives who, rather than protect and support them, denied them any access to their husbands’ land or property. The NGO called the Association of Widows of the Genocide of April 1994 (AVEGA) reports that six years after the mass raping of war widows by HIV- infected assailants, at least two of its members die from AIDS each week.
Similar NGO reports on war widowhood come from Angola, the Congo, Mozambique, Nigeria,
Somalia and northern Uganda. The linkages between widowhood, inheritance law, land ownership, armed conflict, HIV/AIDS and poverty are vividly illustrated in this region.
Inheritance has been the subject of law reform in many countries of anglophone Africa. Ghana, Malawi, Nigeria, Zambia and Zimbabwe are among those Governments that have legislated for equality in inheritance rights in compliance with their obligations under the Beijing Platform for Action and human rights treaties, such as the Convention on the Elimination of All Forms of Discrimination against Women and the Convention on the Rights of the Child. However, it is
clear that at the local level discriminatory customary rules on inheritance still apply, whatever constitutional guarantees or modern laws exist.
In rare cases where courageous women have defied threats of violence and taken their cases to court, some independent and creative judges have decreed that international law as laid down under the Convention on the Elimination of All Forms of Discrimination against Women takes precedence over custom and religion.
In the United Republic of Tanzania, widows of all ages suffer extreme violence due to lack of inheritance rights under customary law. Of great concern, especially in the context of communicable diseases, are the harmful, degrading and life-threatening traditional
practices as part of burial rites. For example, in a number of countries, widows are forced to drink the water that their husbands’ corpses have been washed in. Ghana is one of the few countries that has enacted specific legislation in this area. There is little awareness of this ambiguously drafted 1989 amendment to the Penal Code; and it has never been enforced.
Research into the nature and effect of widows’ mourning rites has been scant, although the practice violates many basic principles contained in all key international human rights conventions. One of Nigeria’s widow NGOs, Widows Development Organization, has undertaken a survey of traditional mourning practices among its members. However, taboos on discussing such intimate topics have allowed for little research on this aspect of widow abuse in Africa. This contrasts with the abundance of research, done in East and Southern Africa, into widows’ rights
to inheritance and land use.
Widowhood practices in Nigeria
In Nigeria, family law permits certain widowhood practices which discriminate gainst women, particularly women married according to customary rather than statutory law. Some of the negative practices derive from the belief that "the beauty of a woman is her husband". At his death, she is seen as unclean and impure, and the customs she must observe in the weeks following her husband’s death can undermine health. If she has no male adult children, she may be ejected from her husband’s house as both it and his land will have been inherited by his
oldest brother. In most cases, the husband’s kin do not provide the widow with any economic support, particularly if she will not accept the status of being an additional wife to one of her husband’s brothers.
In a study in Imo State, Nigeria, interviews and discussions were held with traditional rulers, leaders of women’s organizations and widows. Five factors that have an impact on the health and economic status of widows were identified: a long period of incarceration during mourning;
an obligatory poor standard of hygiene; deprivation of the husband’s property and maltreatment by his relatives; the enforcement of persistent wailing; and the practice of demanding that a widow sit in the same room with her husband’s body until burial.
I want........
Soundbyte!
Its Friday and i am delirious with happiness. Well for no reason other than the fact that its Friday so its happy music today:
Patra ft Aaron Hall - Scent of Attraction
Where do i begin? Love this song. Remember Patra with her chunky braids down to there and her hotpants? I dont remember her being particularly attractive but i know she was sexy. Honestly, looking back, she is ghetto fabulous. Aaron Hall, i used to think was a sexy hunk of chocolate with that bald head and that voice. After i heard "I miss you" and saw the video where the lady died, i was a sucker for him. Could not get over him. Oh - he always rocked dark glasses which i thought were extra cool. I think R Kelly stole his early looks from him.
This song is just suggestive all round talking about positions, top of the ocean, scent of attraction, sex...Actually, i am going to youtube to find this video. Will put a link up in another post. Enjoy!
*If you would like this song, leave me an email address in the comments section*
Thursday, December 07, 2006
Repost: Very bad hair day
These locks of mine.....
My hair started showing signs of acting like a truant child. But with a hair brush and some leave in conditioner, i made my locks behave somewhat. I think my hair got mad at me for the torture inflicted yesterday. Overnight, my locks had a meeting and decided to give me hell and make me pay.
This morning, i untied my scarf and my locks seemed harmless enough. Out came the comb and brush and i swear i saw some slight movement and felt a shiver go down my spine. . Okay so i just felt like typing that. Anyway, i combed my hair back. Step number one completed. Time to part the hair. That's when it became harrowing. I couldnt get a straight line. Okay. I managed with a curvy sort of line and then the leave in conditioner came out for a gentle spritz. My hair began to resist the efforts of the conditioner. My hair just refused to lie down. I used my little claw thingy to put it up and my hair was just falling over the place.
Oh for the love of .....Ah Ah. I ended up brushing the hair very severly and pulling it into a ponytail. Didnt look quite right either. So i tucked the ponytail under into a sort of bun like looking thing.
Drove to work. Came into the office. Brought out my powder compact and i couldnt believe it. My hair was swollen. I mean literally. It was bone straight and flat as paper when i left the house. So why was it rising? Looking like some afro puffs corralled into a knot. Out came the brush and and attempt to calm it down. Some sort of success but there are some tufts of my hair sticking out at the back. What kind of nonsense is this?
This would be one of the days that chopping all my hair off seems like a mighty fine option. Sheesh! I actually am pretty close to tears. Of frustration. I have 2 meetings today with clients and i will be looking like a golliwog.
My hair started showing signs of acting like a truant child. But with a hair brush and some leave in conditioner, i made my locks behave somewhat. I think my hair got mad at me for the torture inflicted yesterday. Overnight, my locks had a meeting and decided to give me hell and make me pay.
This morning, i untied my scarf and my locks seemed harmless enough. Out came the comb and brush and i swear i saw some slight movement and felt a shiver go down my spine. . Okay so i just felt like typing that. Anyway, i combed my hair back. Step number one completed. Time to part the hair. That's when it became harrowing. I couldnt get a straight line. Okay. I managed with a curvy sort of line and then the leave in conditioner came out for a gentle spritz. My hair began to resist the efforts of the conditioner. My hair just refused to lie down. I used my little claw thingy to put it up and my hair was just falling over the place.
Oh for the love of .....Ah Ah. I ended up brushing the hair very severly and pulling it into a ponytail. Didnt look quite right either. So i tucked the ponytail under into a sort of bun like looking thing.
Drove to work. Came into the office. Brought out my powder compact and i couldnt believe it. My hair was swollen. I mean literally. It was bone straight and flat as paper when i left the house. So why was it rising? Looking like some afro puffs corralled into a knot. Out came the brush and and attempt to calm it down. Some sort of success but there are some tufts of my hair sticking out at the back. What kind of nonsense is this?
This would be one of the days that chopping all my hair off seems like a mighty fine option. Sheesh! I actually am pretty close to tears. Of frustration. I have 2 meetings today with clients and i will be looking like a golliwog.
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
Soundbyte!
Sunny Neji - Fake
This is the Nigerian artist of "Oruka" fame. He started out singing with Colors - Lagbaja's band in the early 90's and managed to create a niche for himself with his unique blend of pop, nigeria fusion type music. He really hit it big with Oruka which has become the anthem at most Nigerian weddings .
His latest cd - Off da hook is really off the hook. Its a beautiful effort and a pleasant suprise for me. He still has his trademark songs but his voice truly shines through in the ballads. This song "Fake" is my favorite on the cd. Its so simple but oh boy do i feel the pain. A great effort. Enjoy!
*If you would like this song, leave me an email address in the comments section*
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
The joys of security
For as long as i can remember, my family has always had security guards. We have had diferent types:
- Babas: recommended to us by people that took their time opening the gates. We usually took these men (usually above 60) on to help them than for practicality. Mr Chris had a big bad leg and he limped. You got to your gate, tooted the horn and he opened the gat after maybe 4 years.
- Maiguards: These were typically northerners that actually could be security guards. The ones we have had were armed with bow and arrows and maybe a daggar or so. Really quiet and diligent. We ended that chapter when many years ago, my family went to the beach and we came back with a black and white rabbit that we thought we could keep as a pet. A week later, we all went out of town. We came back and Mohammed (the guard) told us that our rabbit was dead. The maid told us Mohammed killed it and ate it.
- Soldiers: From the days when my dad held certain appointments. These guards were armed and proved to be well.....interesting. Very diligent. Always saluting and running to open car doors. But they always harrassed and scared guests. "Who are you?" "Who are you looking for?" "My friend nobody with that name dey here" "Uzo who? No Uzo dey here. Only sister Uzo dey and we no like your face so you no fit see am" "You wan see Uzo? You know know ya level. Gerrout". Any guesses as to how that ended?
- Mr Osei: He deserves an entry to himself. This is the guard we had the longest. Mr Osei came to us when i was about 9 and still running around in shorts and a tshirt, making mud cakes and mashing up leaves in an attempt to make soup. I dont remember how he came to us but he was Ghanian and used to eat Kenkey and liked Ashanti Kotoko. I know now that this is a football club. He used to play pool and would go out drinking apeteshi (sp?). I guess this is best described as moonshine. As i grew up and the boys started coming round, Mr Osei became a tax man. Noone could see me without settling him first. I understand that N20 would suffice in the early days. As i got older and the boys became young me with cars, settlement now became mini bottles of Chelsea or London Dry Gin and money. If you didnt settle him, you couldnt see me and i would never get the message that anyone came by. He would also "forget" you so you would have to settle him again. Good grief. He became part of out family. We footed hospital bills, got him arrested, bailed him out, fired him, rehired him......We asked about his family and he told us he had children but nothing more. I was away when i was told that My Osei had fallen ill. He started talking a lot about going back to Ghana to see his family. My parents organized a bus, loaded it with furniture, food items and stuff, gave him money, paid the bus driver and off he went. Back to Ghana. He sent us a letter a few months later. Thanking us and letting us know he was okay. We have never heard from him again.
- Man O War: This is out present arrangement. They dress like soldiers, act suitably tough and when one bugs you, you simply called the agency and the replacement process happens.
Through the years and through all these arrangements, my mother started the tradition of feeding the guards on Sundays. This is not part of their pay structure or package but its been happenening since i remember. Every sunday, we heap food onto a plate, hand it over with a drink and all we ask is that the plate be washed and returned. Since i have been home, my mom has relaxed on the kitchen and cooking front (afterall what are kids for? LOL) so i make the sunday arrangements.
This past Sunday, i went out to see a movie and had lunch with a friend. I got back home at about 4 and went to my room. My parents had been fed and it was a nice quiet day when my doorbell rang. I went downstairs to answer the door and it was the man o war fellow. Dont know this one's name. But there he was.
"Yes?"
"Ehm Aunty. Happy Sunday"
"Yes?"
"I know know whether you don forget..."
"Yes?"
"But you never give me food and i never chop since morning. I still dey wait for the food oh. I just say make i remind you in case you forget and i know say u comot before"
What the hell? LOL. Its not an entitlement. Its at our discretion. See me see trouble....
Soundbyte!
After the furor over 50Cent's statement that i posted on my blog yesterday, i feel the need to salute a great woman today. She has had so many hits and has come a long way from the preacher's daughter of way back:
Aretha Franklin - I say a little prayer
It was really hard picking which of her songs to profile today. "Respect" would have been a good choice. The sass of that song. "You make me feel like a natural woman" is one of my favorites but has been overdone. I opted for this song because it set the tone for one of the funniest scenes in the movie - My Best Friend's Wedding.
What i love most about Ms Franklin's voice is its unconventionality. Her voice is not the best, but there is a grating quality to it and a simplicity to the delivery of her lyrics. As a woman, i like her for being such a diva. This woman dresses however she likes and has a jewelery collection that i envy (yes i love jewelery especially shiny stuff LOL).
My respect for her grew when many years ago at the Grammys - maybe 95/96, Luciano Pavarotti was supposed to perform Nessum Dorma (one of my favorite classics of all time). At the last minute he either couldnt make it or fell ill. The producers had an orchestra set up with no plan B. Someone approached Ms Franklin who barely knew the song and had never sung opera in her life. This woman locked herself up in her dressing room. Read the lyrics of this song (in italian by the way), listened to Luciano's version on a CD and in an hour took to the stage. The performance. Breath taking. I will put that up today as well. The result: A standing ovation. Absolutely divine.
Enjoy!
*If you would like this song, please leave your email address in the comments section*
Monday, December 04, 2006
Words....
"Oprah started out with black women's views, but has been catering to middle aged white American women for so long, that she has become one herself. I think the idea of being publicly noted that she's a billionaire makes black women interested in seeing her views. But its even more exciting to the demographic of white American women she's been aiming at, to see that she has the exact same view that they have" - 50 Cent
Sunday, December 03, 2006
Soundbyte!
Happy Monday! I usually dont like mondays but today, i am feeling really mellow. Had a good weekend. Got almost enough sleep. The day doesnt look that bad. So i turn to a diva with an unbelievable voice and vibe to set the pace for my day:
Cassandra Wilson - Time after Time
Ms Wilson's voice is pure honey. Her music would fall under the contemporary jazz genre but that's really neither here nor there. What i know for sure is that the sounds that come out of her mouth are on another level. She hot, she's got soul, her music is authentic (even when she does covers) and you just get the feeling that she knows what she's singing about. She is not a conventional beauty and doesnt wear tops cut down to her navel but she is beautiful and one very sexy mama.
This song originally done by 80's party girl - Cyndi Lauper is on the Brown Sugar soundtrack and has been reworked by Ms Wilson with phenomenal results. I love it.
Enjoy!
*If you would like this song, please leave your email address in the comments section*
Friday, December 01, 2006
Women's Issue - Widowhood
A recent experience of a friend of my family started me thinking about the plight of widows. Onyeka Onwenu played the part of an igbo widow who had to shave her head and deal with a lot of inhuman treatment the moment her husband died. Nigerian movies constantly depict the cruelty facing widows. So i decided to do some more research about this. This post is quite long so i intend to make it a 2-3 part series. The family friend in question who i shall call Aunty J, is aware that i am doing this post so she is looking forward to reading it so please let your thoughts and comments be known. Aunty J has said many times over that if she had known, she would not have ignored financial security over love. Yes love is great but at the end of the day when her husband died, the love did not keep the inlaws away. So here goes:
"We are considered bad omens. We are excluded from all auspicious events."
(Lakshmi, India)
"I am accused of being a witch who killed her husband." (Terezinha, Mozambique)
"We are treated like animals just because we are widows." (Angela, Nigeria)
"I and my children were kicked out of the house and beaten by the brothers-in-law."
(Seodhi, Malawi)
"My husband died of AIDS and slept with many women; I am now dying, but his family blames me for his death." (Isabel, Kenya)
South Asia
India has the largest recorded number of widows in the world—33 million (10 per cent of the female population, compared to only 3 per cent of men), and the number is growing because of HIV/AIDS and civil conflicts. “Fifty-four per cent of women aged 60 and over are widows, as are 12 per cent of women aged 35-39. Remarriage is the exception rather than the rule; only about 10 per cent of widows marry again.” India is perhaps the only country where widowhood,
in addition to being a personal status, exists as a social institution.
Widows’ deprivation and stigmatization are exacerbated by ritual and religious symbolism. Indian society, like all patriarchal societies, confers social status on a woman through a man; hence, in the absence of a man, she herself becomes a nonentity and suffers a social death. Sati
(widow burning) is the ultimate manifestation of this belief. Widow remarriage may be forbidden in the higher castes, and remarriage, where permitted, may be restricted to a family
member. Further, a widow, upon remarriage, may be required to relinquish custody of her children as well as any property rights she may have. If she keeps her children with her,
she may fear they will be ill-treated in a second marriage. Indian widows are often regarded as “evil eyes”, the purveyors of ill fortune and unwanted burdens on poor families. Words in
the vernacular are crudely pejorative: “witch”, “dakan” and “whore” (similar verbal abuse is common in Bangladesh as well as in some countries in Africa).
Thousands of widows are disowned by their relatives and thrown out of their homes in the context of land and inheritance disputes. Their options, given a lack of education and training, are mostly limited to becoming exploited, unregulated, domestic labourers (often as house
slaves within the husband’s family) or turning to begging or prostitution.
The sexual and economic exploitation of widows, abandoned by their families to the temple sites has been sensationally documented in the media. Thousands of India’s widows live in abject poverty and degradation in these centres. Younger widows are forced into prostitution, and older ones are left to beg and chant for alms from pilgrims and tourists. Older
widows may have lived the greater part of their lives in these temples, having been brought there as child widows many years before. The ordeals of the temple widows and the occasional satire publicized in the international press. But the day-to-day suffering of Indian widows,
who are emotionally, physically and sexually abused by relatives, who or migrate to cities to live on the streets and beg, remains largely hidden.
Legislation criminalizing child marriage, sati and violence against women has not succeeded in
eliminating such traditions, which persist in villages of some Indian states. Lack of legal literacy, threats of violence and the insensitivity of the legal profession to women’s issues bar widows from seeking justice. As in other regions of the world, bitter disputes occur between widows
and brothers-in-law and sons and daughters-in-law over inheritance, residence and support, often resulting in physical and mental violence, including sexual abuse.
Restrictions on residence, dress, diet and social intercourse force a widow to a life in the shadows affecting both her physical and mental health. Cruel mourning rites may confine the widow within a designated residence for many months or years.
However, two factors distinguish India’s treatment of its widows from that of other developing countries. First, a number of states have set up widows’ pension schemes. Secondly, India is home to a vibrant and dedicated women’s movement, which is fighting intensely for the protection and empowerment of all women, and offers special programmes for widows.
In Bangladesh, the Muslim widow is, in theory, better off than the Indian Hindu widow. The Koran encourages remarriage and a widow cannot be disinherited. Under sharia, a woman
is entitled to one eighth of her husband’s estate, and half her male siblings’ share of the parent’s estate. In practice, however, many Bangladeshi widows, especially those who are illiterate and live in rural areas, are subject to oppressive patriarchal traditions.
Widows are the poorest and most vulnerable group since they are often deprived of their rightful inheritance. According to a recent report, many rural widows receive nothing from their in-laws and are often victims of violence, evicted from their homes and robbed of their household possessions. In return for shelter, many Bangladeshi widows are forced to work long hours as unpaid domestic servants in a relative’s house. Others may be brutally forced out into homelessness and thus are statistically uncounted.
Because arranged child marriages still occur in rural areas in Bangladesh, and age differences
between spouses can be great, child widowhood is not uncommon. Polygamy enables second wives to be brought into a marriage when the first is considered too old for sex or
childbearing. Daughters of poor widows represent an economic liability and are most likely to be given away in such arrangements. They commonly encounter problems with the new family and the adult sons. Before long, they may find themselves child widows in a hostile setting, encountering abuse or eviction. Illiterate, young and vulnerable, they may be passed on to a series of older, frail or disabled men, thus enduring serial widowhood.
Bangladesh, like Nepal, is allegedly a major centre for trafficking young girls to the brothels of India.
Widows’ daughters who are without male protectors and not enrolled in school are especially at risk to this trade. The numbers of young Bangladeshi girls disappearing in this way is purportedly reaching astronomical proportions. Poor, homeless Bangladeshi widows
make up a sizeable percentage of women marketed as domestic servants, forced to leave their children behind in the hope that the meagre income which they send home will
be used to feed, clothe and educate them.
In Pakistan, destitute widows are reported to be supported by a small pension or zakat. But, as in India, the allocation system is often corrupt, and the most needy widows are frequently neglected. Furthermore, the Honour Codes oppress all women, with a blanket of silence hiding
the cruelty; and sometimes imprisonment, or even death, is inflicted on young widows who are
suspected of bringing dishonour to the family.
In Sri Lanka, war widows from both sides of the conflict experience poverty and marginalization. In Afghanistan, it is estimated that approximately 40,000 widows live in
Kabul, most of whom lost their husbands in the war that killed an estimated 50,000 civilians. Under the Taliban, widows were doubly victimized. Denied paid employment, these widows further lost access to international food aid, since it was decreed by the Taliban
that such aid had to be collected by a male relative, which these widows do not have. The Taliban ban on women working outside the home has drastically increased the numbers
of widows and children begging in the streets. Widowed mothers’ children suffer malnutrition, ill health and depression, which in many cases leads to suicide.
"We are considered bad omens. We are excluded from all auspicious events."
(Lakshmi, India)
"I am accused of being a witch who killed her husband." (Terezinha, Mozambique)
"We are treated like animals just because we are widows." (Angela, Nigeria)
"I and my children were kicked out of the house and beaten by the brothers-in-law."
(Seodhi, Malawi)
"My husband died of AIDS and slept with many women; I am now dying, but his family blames me for his death." (Isabel, Kenya)
South Asia
India has the largest recorded number of widows in the world—33 million (10 per cent of the female population, compared to only 3 per cent of men), and the number is growing because of HIV/AIDS and civil conflicts. “Fifty-four per cent of women aged 60 and over are widows, as are 12 per cent of women aged 35-39. Remarriage is the exception rather than the rule; only about 10 per cent of widows marry again.” India is perhaps the only country where widowhood,
in addition to being a personal status, exists as a social institution.
Widows’ deprivation and stigmatization are exacerbated by ritual and religious symbolism. Indian society, like all patriarchal societies, confers social status on a woman through a man; hence, in the absence of a man, she herself becomes a nonentity and suffers a social death. Sati
(widow burning) is the ultimate manifestation of this belief. Widow remarriage may be forbidden in the higher castes, and remarriage, where permitted, may be restricted to a family
member. Further, a widow, upon remarriage, may be required to relinquish custody of her children as well as any property rights she may have. If she keeps her children with her,
she may fear they will be ill-treated in a second marriage. Indian widows are often regarded as “evil eyes”, the purveyors of ill fortune and unwanted burdens on poor families. Words in
the vernacular are crudely pejorative: “witch”, “dakan” and “whore” (similar verbal abuse is common in Bangladesh as well as in some countries in Africa).
Thousands of widows are disowned by their relatives and thrown out of their homes in the context of land and inheritance disputes. Their options, given a lack of education and training, are mostly limited to becoming exploited, unregulated, domestic labourers (often as house
slaves within the husband’s family) or turning to begging or prostitution.
The sexual and economic exploitation of widows, abandoned by their families to the temple sites has been sensationally documented in the media. Thousands of India’s widows live in abject poverty and degradation in these centres. Younger widows are forced into prostitution, and older ones are left to beg and chant for alms from pilgrims and tourists. Older
widows may have lived the greater part of their lives in these temples, having been brought there as child widows many years before. The ordeals of the temple widows and the occasional satire publicized in the international press. But the day-to-day suffering of Indian widows,
who are emotionally, physically and sexually abused by relatives, who or migrate to cities to live on the streets and beg, remains largely hidden.
Legislation criminalizing child marriage, sati and violence against women has not succeeded in
eliminating such traditions, which persist in villages of some Indian states. Lack of legal literacy, threats of violence and the insensitivity of the legal profession to women’s issues bar widows from seeking justice. As in other regions of the world, bitter disputes occur between widows
and brothers-in-law and sons and daughters-in-law over inheritance, residence and support, often resulting in physical and mental violence, including sexual abuse.
Restrictions on residence, dress, diet and social intercourse force a widow to a life in the shadows affecting both her physical and mental health. Cruel mourning rites may confine the widow within a designated residence for many months or years.
However, two factors distinguish India’s treatment of its widows from that of other developing countries. First, a number of states have set up widows’ pension schemes. Secondly, India is home to a vibrant and dedicated women’s movement, which is fighting intensely for the protection and empowerment of all women, and offers special programmes for widows.
In Bangladesh, the Muslim widow is, in theory, better off than the Indian Hindu widow. The Koran encourages remarriage and a widow cannot be disinherited. Under sharia, a woman
is entitled to one eighth of her husband’s estate, and half her male siblings’ share of the parent’s estate. In practice, however, many Bangladeshi widows, especially those who are illiterate and live in rural areas, are subject to oppressive patriarchal traditions.
Widows are the poorest and most vulnerable group since they are often deprived of their rightful inheritance. According to a recent report, many rural widows receive nothing from their in-laws and are often victims of violence, evicted from their homes and robbed of their household possessions. In return for shelter, many Bangladeshi widows are forced to work long hours as unpaid domestic servants in a relative’s house. Others may be brutally forced out into homelessness and thus are statistically uncounted.
Because arranged child marriages still occur in rural areas in Bangladesh, and age differences
between spouses can be great, child widowhood is not uncommon. Polygamy enables second wives to be brought into a marriage when the first is considered too old for sex or
childbearing. Daughters of poor widows represent an economic liability and are most likely to be given away in such arrangements. They commonly encounter problems with the new family and the adult sons. Before long, they may find themselves child widows in a hostile setting, encountering abuse or eviction. Illiterate, young and vulnerable, they may be passed on to a series of older, frail or disabled men, thus enduring serial widowhood.
Bangladesh, like Nepal, is allegedly a major centre for trafficking young girls to the brothels of India.
Widows’ daughters who are without male protectors and not enrolled in school are especially at risk to this trade. The numbers of young Bangladeshi girls disappearing in this way is purportedly reaching astronomical proportions. Poor, homeless Bangladeshi widows
make up a sizeable percentage of women marketed as domestic servants, forced to leave their children behind in the hope that the meagre income which they send home will
be used to feed, clothe and educate them.
In Pakistan, destitute widows are reported to be supported by a small pension or zakat. But, as in India, the allocation system is often corrupt, and the most needy widows are frequently neglected. Furthermore, the Honour Codes oppress all women, with a blanket of silence hiding
the cruelty; and sometimes imprisonment, or even death, is inflicted on young widows who are
suspected of bringing dishonour to the family.
In Sri Lanka, war widows from both sides of the conflict experience poverty and marginalization. In Afghanistan, it is estimated that approximately 40,000 widows live in
Kabul, most of whom lost their husbands in the war that killed an estimated 50,000 civilians. Under the Taliban, widows were doubly victimized. Denied paid employment, these widows further lost access to international food aid, since it was decreed by the Taliban
that such aid had to be collected by a male relative, which these widows do not have. The Taliban ban on women working outside the home has drastically increased the numbers
of widows and children begging in the streets. Widowed mothers’ children suffer malnutrition, ill health and depression, which in many cases leads to suicide.
Soundbyte!
Its friday and its my women's issue day. My song of the day is by a woman that my family is privileged to know. She is obviously Nigerian and recently celebrated 25 years in the industry. She is smart, she is a writer, a musician, an activist, a role model, a wife and a mother. This is an artist that i would like to perform at my wedding. She gives me goosebumps when i hear her sing and i love the maturity of her performances. She is the one and only elegant stallion and the author of my song today:
Onyeka Onwenu - Peace.
Lovely. I adore this song and it reflects my feelings for today. One of the lines in the song:
"Let there be peace in our hearts, peace in our homes....."
The first part of that line speaks truth to me. I believe that the moment i have peace within, my approach to people, situations and life in general will change. Peace in my heart. I love that.
I hope you enjoy this song as much as i do.
*If you would like this song, please leave me an email in the comments section*
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