Tuesday, September 12, 2006

The Dysfunctionality of Best Friends

I was chatting with a friend the other day. And her best friend came up. She bemoaned the fact that since he had found himself a girlfriend, he was scarce. Didnt call as much, come around as much. Just wasnt there like he used to be. Made worse by the fact that instead of a long distance relationship, this new girlfriend literally lived round the corner. She misses him. I mean he's her best friend. A little bit of jealousy there as well. She is supposed to be THE woman in his life.

I have to say that i have felt the same way. I am one of those women who has always had better male friends than girl friends. Sure some of them eventually reveal that they want a little extra but there are 2-3 buddies of mine that i can thoroughly depend on. Sure i try to hook them up when they are single, listen to stories of chases and unrequited love. And i honestly and truly want them happy with partners.

BUT i get a little jealous and pissed WHEN they find someone. Why? I dont want them for myself. I think its just the loss of friendship per say. He can no longer call as much since his phone time is spent with her, he cant really hang out that much since he spend all his time with her. I cant just call anytime i want since she might be around. Shucks, she might and usually is uncomfortable with the relationship i have with him. She think i must have had, am having or will have something to do with him at some point. I either get the evil looks from her or just the cold shoulder. In a bizarre case, she made it a point of duty to become my friend as well. When she sent me lunch, i binned it. A little afraid. I am no longer his go to girl. He ceases to be mine.

Of course, i never let on and i honestly thought i was the only one that felt this way, till one of my few girlfriends said the same thing. Is this just something that girls feel? Or do some guys feel the same way?

When they get married, its even a whole different ball game. Someone who used to be my protector and closest friend got married a few years ago, and i can count the times i have actually seen him. Sure we talk every now and then but any plans to hang out have to be run past and approved by madam. The one and only time i went to their house after i came back home, i felt so uncomfortable and left after half an hour. She just kept staring at me. And since i was supposed to have dinner there, she was in the kitchen cooking. When she left us alone, i was consious of the fact that i was laughing a lot and talking a lot and we were just chattering like the old days. When she came out of the kitchen to join us, i realised that she couldnt really join our conversation since she didnt know what on earth we were going on about. The next time she got up to go back to the kitchen, i followed. Made some small talk about recipes and having a nice home and made a sharp exit. Using some stupid excuse.

Is this to be the trend with my guy friends. Maybe it would be easier if they start dating someone from our "circle"? The guys in my lfe tend to go OUTSIDE the circle which makes things harder? I guess i really had better learn to deal with this since they are all getting snapped up left and right.


Lee said...

I feel you. Its happened to me few times, but ive come to realize that in Life you loose some you gain some.
People come into our lives for certain reasons and when they have fulfilled their purpose in our life we have to keep living it and let go. It may be hard but you gotta be strong.
He's been ur friend, Im sure he played his part well and now time to move on.

we loose some, we gain some. Cheers

Uzo said...

@Lee: You are making sense but are we to lose all friends to relationships?

kulutempa said...

I hear you on the dating inside the "circle" thing, but then we have the Breakup Syndrome that ruins the entire aura of the circle. We've seen it happen before to our celebrity friends: Aqua, No Doubt, Savage Garden. Now all the good music is gone...GONE!!

Thanks for stopping by, by the way. I enjoy your writing too. You do nonprofit work in Lagos?

Uzo said...

@Kulutempa: You are very welcome. That wax blog is priceless. I work in consulting in Lagos. The not for profit work is something i intend to get into.

Ehm...Aqua? Of "I'm a barbie girl living in a barbie world" fame? Sure the other groups i agree with but Aqua would NOT enter my books as making good music. Entertaining videos and nuisance value but not good music. LOL