Monday, September 11, 2006

The 3 Ms - Monday Morning Madness


I was late to work today. Reason? Okada incident.

Started like any other Monday morning. Not too happy to be up and driving to work at 6.15am. But i slowly began to cheer up and sing very loudly to Bo Bice and Nickelback. One of those mornings.

I ignored the other motorists and their antics and made it safely across 3rd mainland bridge and got off at the Onikan exit. So far so good. Then i hit Awolowo road. At this point, Mary J Blige and U2 began to do their thing with "One". So i joined them and created some serious ruckus in my car.

I started to signal/indicate/trafficate right and that's when it happened. I began to make my intentions clear way in advance. I saw this okada rider and passenger on my right side and figured they saw my indicator light and would slow down. Just to be on the safe side, i sped up a bit in order to safely make the turn before they got tooo close. All of a sudden, i saw the okada man kick my side mirror and the mirror CAME OFF.

What the ???????. Oh no. There wasnt too much traffic. I simply zoomed forward and cut the okada man and his passenger off and jumped out of the car. I was sooo mad.

"Oga wetin do you early this morning. See wetin you do to my mirror. You must pay".
"Useless woman. Na so dem dey drive. Carry your moto dey go jare"

Okay so at this point i lost it. "You kick my mirror and you dey abuse me on top. Useless man. You must to pay"

The silly passenger had the guts to say "look madam, just carry your car dey go. I dey late for work"

Oh no this skinny fool didnt go there. "you this useless man with your oversized coat, who put your mouth? Instead of you to dey beg, you dey tell me you dey late for work. Useless man. No be your fault. Because you no get car" (A bit harsh in retrospect but i was mad)

Trust Nigerians - they began to gather. Some body picked up my mirror and looked at it. Then came up to me and said "Madam, no vex. Na how dem dey behave. E b like say, the mirror no break. Just fix am back. E no spoil"

I turned to the Okada man "Na God wey save you today. The person wey go kill you dey my back. No be me"

You would have thought the stupid man would have stopped there. He just lost it. "Useless woman. Because you use your yansh get this car, na why you dey carry head. Useless ashewo"

Oh Lord have mercy. I went berserk. "Na me you dey call ashewo. Idiot. Go do your own. Afterall men too they do ashewo. Oh...you see this fine lolo and it dey pain you so you no evenget mouth to talk to me. Useless man"

At that point, applause erupted from the bystanders and that's when i regained my senses. Embarrassment. What if someone i know saw me acting like this?

I picked up my mirror and threw it on the passenger sit and got into my car. Tried to reverse and move and the okada man came lunging towards me.

"Make i show you this useless woman how to respect man. Look am. No be woman sef. Na small girl".

I quickly locked myself into my car and stared in amazement as this man came towards my car. Some bus drivers and the other bystanders began to rain abuses on him. Some bus driver said "touch am make i see".

I promptly put my car in drive and zoomed off. Got to my office and asked one of the drivers there to check the mirror out. Like a lego piece, it snapped back in place.

Honestly, Nigerians can make you lose your mind. Early on a monday morning. Imagine.

I am calmer now but i really pray noone i know saw me......

6 comments:

Chxta said...

"touch am make i see"

Chivalry never died in Naija. Were it me that this happened to, I'd be on my own. But since it was a female...

Diamond said...

Just had to check out ur new home before I left o...

OH my my my....what a way to start the day...

Mojo said...

Babe, thats ur monday, this is everyday for me!!!
i cant stand okada's, they should be fed to the dogs.
Ur lucky though, that it didnt turn out to be more that it was.

Uzo said...

@Mojo: Fed to the dogs would be a bit harsh. But something drastic has to be done about them.

kulutempa said...

omg, this was hilarious! reminds me of my experience at ojota motor park except, in this instance, the crowd was on your side! applause?? damn, girl! i have to say the dialogue was priceless--and you totally reflected everything i wrote about in my last blog! trafficating and embarrassment...gotta love it!

Anonymous said...

lol.. v.funny...