Ish - Sheer Randomness

I decided to sneak out of the office early to catch a movie by myself. Some me time, plus my brain was tired. Off i sped to the cinema with the sole intention of watching Spiderman 3. Got there only to find out that the 6.30pm show was sold out so i opted to see Perfect Stranger instead. I mean hot Halle Berry and the ever suave and adorable Bruce Willis. So i settled in with my popcorn and started the movie.

Suddenly after about 20 minutes, Halle's character has gone out in a thoroughly slutty but emm cool dress and returns with her ex-boyfriend who is played by the one man that really and truly takes my breath away. The man that i wish to dive in front of his car, then he rushes me to the hospital and then we fall in love and live happily ever after. The man with eyes that i swear can see right to my soul. The reason i watch CSI (okay, the whole show is cool and Grissom is sooooo cool) - Gary Dourdan.

What? I let out an audible moan and the person next to me actually looked at me. Whatever jare! I was taken aback cos i wasnt expecting to see him at all. And there he was - in all his 6feet 3 inch green eyes glory. And not only was he there, he was smoking - make that smouldering in a suit that just made me almost want to weep. And then he and Halle were getting it on. I dont mean slow kisses and stuff. I mean hot and heavy with a stand up sex session. Ah Ah! Let me just confess that i would have taken Halle's head right there and then.

I managed to simmer down and get back to the movie and then my beloved Gary appeared again - bringing Halle breakfast from Starbucks but his good morning to her was a hot kiss and then the damn phone rang. Hey. Again, he was wearing this suit that looked so right and did him a lot of justice. Ah Ah! Then he started to eat something from the bag and he licked his finger. Hey! Another sigh - make that a moan.

So the movie was just okay. But Gary in his 2 scenes plus a shot of him in some creepy room made me just ecstatic.

So i say to God - Thank you Father for creating the absolute specimen of male perfection for the world and especially for me. Sure, i feel lust in my heart when i see him but Father its more than lust. I believe that if You would deem it fit to bring this man my way, i want to love him and take care of him. It shall not just be lust. I shall use Gary's body for my pleasure but it will be a sanctified union so that is okay. We shall have tall, mocha complexioned babies with green eyes and live happily ever after.

Ish...That's all.....

On marriage and whatever my fingers tap out

I just finished reading Vickii's post and its on the age old issue of men cheating and women that stay. I was getting ready to leave a comment when i thought a post would do me good.

People that really know me would use certain words: hopeless romantic, eternal optimist, mother hen, compulsive worrier...to describe me. I have heard it said so many times that i have lost count, that my husband will be so lucky blah blah blah.

It will therefore come as a shock (not a little shock. Think atomic bomb shock) for those people to hear that there is a part of me that doesnt believe in the insitution of marriage anymore. Granted its like 10% of me. But considering that its me, that is huge.

What is marriage anyway?

There is the wedding when people get all loud and gregarious and an obscene amount of money is spent under the pretext of celebrating with you. Okay i get that part and as a part time wedding planner, i understand that people think this is a big deal.

So there are vows of fidelity right? Then there is having a family right? Taking his last name? Sharing all you have? Living with this person? Growing old together? Love? Being each other's support system? The certificate/license?

DO YOU HAVE TO BE MARRIED TO HAVE ALL THIS?

I am a christian and its no secret that i strive for spiritual guidance rather than being religious. I am very aware that the bible urges husbands to cleave to their wives and for wives to cleave to their husbands. That he who finds a wife finds a good thing. And of course the much quoted Corinthians chapter on love. And there is the issue of God sanctifying the union. I get that.

Let me be really radical and dare to say:

• The words husband/wife are man made so to me, they are just words/titles
• I believe that God is everywhere so if the person i choose to be my partner and i sit in a room in his house and say some vows to each other and pray after, shouldnt that be enough. I dont believe that a representative of God has to be present to seal a "union". I am not one of those people that live and die by the words of pastors/preachers. I believe that Church and men/women of God help to give direction, clarify and teach. But i do not believe that they have to pray for me in order for God to answer my prayers, or that i have to seek their counsel at every step of my life. I believe that as long as i can think, my lips can move i can cry out to my God and his son Jesus who he sacrificed for me, he will hear me. So what does the presence of a minister at a wedding really really do?
• I believe that a piece of paper or an elaborate ceremony does not get fidelity and commitment. I am sure we all know marriages that are just disasters.
• Why cant i and the partner of my choice decide to have kids together, live together and be a family together without getting married? Taking his last name is a matter of choice. I am old school and that would be a no-brainer for me BUT what does it matter? Taking his last name means you belong to him. The kids can have hyphenated last names. Living together can be worked out - who pays for what. In some countries, being married ensures some support if it fails but why cant both parties have their own money and have joint funds for "together" stuff? If the relationship ends, money wont be an issue. Besides, around the world, married couples hide assets from each other. Also, i know that being married and then getting divorced doesnt mean a woman will get anything. If the man is intent on being really mean, she will suffer. That's the truth.
• Relationships that lead to talks about forever after are as a result of both parties making the CHOICE to forsake all others and spend the rest of their lives together. If their hearts are true and they remain truly committed to each other, the presence or absence of a marriage certificate means nothing. If they are together and do everything together, then the association is known. The world (if that's what you care about) will know the 2 of you are together. People wont be able to put a label on you but they will know you are together
• Being married does not mean that men and women will not make moves on you in an attempt to make you break your vows. Its weakness of character that leads to infidelity. Can happen married or not
• Being married does not mean that your man wont decide to throw you out and treat you like crap and end up with another woman. Its his choice
• If you are not married and your partner cheats, if you are truly committed and in love, the choice of leaving him will be as hard as if you were married. I say this because, the ties that bind you to another person are not man made and have nothing to do with paper. Its a spiritual thing and it is complicated married or not

I could go on and on but the point i am making is that the way we treat each other: hurting each other, cheating on partners, taking hearts and breaking them, treating your lover shabbiliy, belittling them, physically or verbally abusing them have nothing to do with marriage. These are all character flaws, weaknesses that will manifest regardless of status. Some of these traits can change or alter based on your feelings for the other person.

When you are with someone, i believe you want to be better for that person, to live up to their expectiations, to be their world, the reason for their smile, their happiness....this does not change marriage or not.

I am not making a case for marriage or choosing partnership instead. I know myself well enough to say that i am up for marriage. I just dont think/see how the institution of marriage will prevent a lot of mistreatment meted out and being faced by partners.

What do i write about?

Would you believe that the same Uzo that was obsessive about blogging cant find the time to write. Okay so i wont exactly blame time. Its more that i have so much going on but cant put the words down for fear of revealing way tooo much.

I will say that some pretty interesting things have been happening to me - some good, some not so good and some i am not sure what category to put them in. This has resulted in mad shopping sprees including the purchase of the sexy pair of pumps that i am wearing right now. I strutted into my meeting feeling like a million bucks. Ran up and down the stairs and i was fine. Its like 12.40pm now and the toes pinch a bit. Ah, the hazards of being cute. So i have discreetly slipped my shoes off under my table. LOL....I dont care. I can deal with pain. Wish i could take a picture but my excuse for a camera has given up the ghost and that procrastination has caught up with me. I could take a picture with my phone but i dont really know how to work this funky phone. LOL

My friend Daddy's Girl has made me so proud at work and of course all the haters are doing their thing but i say, show them to me let me pull a "300" on them....A little inside joke for those that have seen the movie.

Please go and see that movie. I have seen it 3 times and would see it again in a heartbeat. Gerald Butler. I mean sure the movie is beautifully shot, and the action sequences are cool, and its a great story of bravery and courage but let's get down to the koko - Gerald Butler as King Leonidas is perfection. Standing tall at over 6 ft, with the wavy jet black hair, body to die for (who knew thigh muscles could be so sexy), a beard thing, strenght, his voice, his ability to be so gentle with wifey but smite a man with one strike...I could go on and on but i wont. And let's not forget the rest of the 300 - his soldiers. Ah Ah. Any guesses on the object of my latest fantasies, screensaver and wallpaper?

So i am rambling and i will confess that i went out of my way to do a "proper post" cos Bella Naija ordered me to.

Oh.....i got a marriage proposal. LOL...Well i have been asked over and over by this man. But get this - I get to be wife number 2. Isnt that just such a treat? I mean what else could i want in my life.....

Soundbyte/Rambling!!!!!!!

My life has been one very serious drama filled soap opera the last 2 weeks or so. And you know what they say: It doesnt just rain, it pours.

After leaving my doctor this morning and driving to work, i was at the end of 3rd mainland bridge and trying to navigate this pothole when i am thrown forward. Yup. Someone ran into me at top speed. Well i brought my car to a halt and came out feeling a little shaken and the culprit? An old man with coke bottle glasses in a jalopy of a red car of no known brand. I checked my bumper and while it was scratched, it was minor. The old man then told me it was all my fault. This is the point where i knew that i am thoroughly fed up with life. My reaction. I didnt cuss, yell or scream. I simply looked him in the face and said "you are an old man and you should know better". Thats all i said. The man actually looked taken aback especially since some passersby had already started to yell at him.

Anyway, i got into my car and drove to work. Not one tear (which is my trademark. I cry about everything), i didnt feel anything. I set up and started my work for today.

So, this isnt a case of needing a vacation. Going somewhere interesting. I just want to check out of life for like 2 days. I remember reading a very long time ago about some spas/resorts that are sleep spas. You check in, get knocked out and wake up a few days later. That's almost like checking out of life right so that looks so tempting right now.

But the thing with life is there are no breaks. You dont get to check out. You cant tell everyone to leave you alone. You cant not go to work. You cant not live. Well some people can but that would mean clinical depression and tons of medication.

You just deal with the hand of cards you have been given and keep at it. Keep going. You deal and you keep at it. Therefore, in the spirit of taking it all like a trooper and living, you compartmentalize the issues you have to deal with and bring them out when you're ready. Some may call it denial. Whatever it is. Life is calling me to fulfill my obligations so here we go:

My song of the day is:

Kenny Lattimore - You

The history of love concert was so great and one of the highlights was meeting the absolutely beautiful Taurean Minx. She is soooo cool. Chante Moore and Kenny Lattimore were amazing. Chante is such a beautiful woman and so luminous. She was glowing. Anyway, this song i have always loved. But i got tired of hearing it at every wedding and being butchered. But when Kenny sang this song, i cried a little and fell in love with the song all over again. It is truly a beautiful song so enjoy.

*If you would like this song, leave me an email address in the comments section*

Just rambling.......

Today is a public holiday in Nigeria to allow all citizens to perform their civic duty and register to vote. I already registered so i am at work to tie up some loose ends. I intend to leave work early though to catch a movie. Ghana was busy but nice. I will be back there in a week or so. Here are some random fun things i came across and i have some of my comments next to each one:

1. Coca-Cola was originally green (Definitely would have been very unappetizing).

2. The most common name in the world is Mohammed (I read somewhere that the most common last name is Chang).

3. The name of all the continents ends with the same letter that they start with. (I wonder why)

4. The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue. (LOL. This is too obvious but i will be naughty and say this: Men do not have an excuse. Learn to flex the strongest muscle in your body guys. LOL)

5. There are two credit cards for every person in the United States. (That would explain why most Americans are in debt)

6. TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard. (Interesting i guess)

7. Women blink nearly twice as much as men! (That's because we look, stare, evaluate and judge in nano seconds so our brains compensate by over blinking...LOL. Well that's my theory)

8. You can't kill yourself by holding your breath. (Has anyone tried to do that?)

9. It is impossible to lick your elbow. (I actually tried to this when i first read this. Yup. Many times too. IT IS TRUE)

10. People say “Bless you" when you sneeze because when you sneeze, your heart stops for a millisecond. (I sneeze in multiples. So my heart stops as many times as i sneeze? So can sneezing a lot of times, kill you then?)

11. It is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky. (But why would they try to look at the sky?)

12. The “sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick" is said to be the toughest tongue twister in the English language. (Bit my tongue trying to say this for the 3rd time)

13. If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a rib. If you try to suppress a sneeze, you can rupture a blood vessel in your head or neck and die. (so i sneeze in multiples and my heart stops and i also stifle my sneezes. Its a deadly combination abi?)

14. Each king in a deck of playing cards represents great king from history.
Spades - King David
Clubs - Alexander the Great,
Hearts - Charlemagne
Diamonds – Julius Caesar. (What about the queens?)

15. 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321 (weird)

16. If a statue of a person in the park on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes. (Very random but interesting. Now i need to test this by finding some statues)

17 What do bullet proof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers and laser printers all have in common? Ans. – They were all invented by women .(Goooooooooo women...LOL)

18. Question - This is the only food that doesn't spoil. What is this? Ans. – Honey (I wonder why? )

19. A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out. (once again, why would it need to do this?)

20. A snail can sleep for three years. (LOL. Okaaaaay. Its not like snails have busy schedules and people to see and all)

21. All polar bears are left handed. (So the creatures that live in the North Pole are South paws? Get it? LOL

22. American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each salad served in first-class. (I have read this soooo many times. Its not like a lot of people even like olives anyway. Am i tight?)

23. Butterflies taste with their feet. (I am not averse to having a guy taste my feet. LOL)

24. Elephants are the only animals that can't jump. (well they are quite heavy)

25 In the last 4000 years, no new animals have been domesticated. (Really?)

26. On average, people fear spiders more than they do death. (Well..Spiders are yucky but dont scare me)

27. Shakespeare invented the word 'assassination' and 'bump'. (well he is the original wordsmith)

28. Stewardesses is the longest word typed with only the left hand. (why cant i type the word with both hands?)

29. The ant always falls over on its right side when intoxicated. (LOL. What would intoxicate an ant?)

30. The electric chair was invented by a dentist. (He He He. I wonder what he/she was thinking)

31. The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet. (i would assume that if this happens, the person would be dead....)

32. Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could have over million descendants. (Scum of the earth. Death to all rats i say. Dirty vermin....Hate them)
33. Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times.
(Another reason to not share headphones)

34. The cigarette lighter was invented before the match (No comment)

35. Most lipstick contains fish scales. (I wonder if the guys that are allergic to fish will get a reaction from kissing....)
36. Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different (So if you suspect your partner of cheating, can you get a CSI evidence kit and dust for prints and compare it with your suspect?)

37. And finally 99% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow (I already did this. Admit you did too)

Just ranting......

Its thursday and i have no inspiration or motivation to do anything. Work, think, blog...Nothing.

Its got me thinking...well sort of. Wondering what the point of life is. I wake up in the morning and come to work. Then i go home. And on and on it goes. Throw in a little tv watching, some socializing, a few dates, some fights and disagreements. But that;s the extent of it all. Then you die. How depressing.

I wish i had all the money in the world. And a personal financial advisor. I am tired of worrying about what goes into the savings account, what goes into the current account, how much to leave in the payroll account, how much to invest this month, how much goes into the car fund, wanting to buy new shoes, pay for plastic surgery, give to the charities....Aagh. It would just be easier to have unlimited funds and be able to spend the money on whatever i want. That way my brain can concentrate on more important things like....Well other stuff.

What did my doctor mean a few months ago when i fell ill and had to see him? He said something along the lines of thing happening to one's body since one was at the peak of her childbearing years. What does he mean? On this subject, does one have a certain amount of eggs for a life time. So if a couple dont get fertilized before the supply is up, no babies for you?

I love travel. I would love to vist as many countries as possible in my lifetime. But lately other than my recurring India fantasy, I really see myself at a resort in Seychelles. What is it about Seychelles that gets me excited? I have seen pictures but i dont know a single person who has ever been. It seems like it would be a lot of fun. I actually myself going on this vacation with a special person because it reeks of romance and sexiness. Walking down a beach in a sarong and barefeet. Holding hands. Stopping to watch the sunset as he holds me from behind and tells me this is where he is meant to be. I blame this on this damn Silhouette romance book i am reading. The first in about 2 years. Those books should be banned.

When did i get so tough? I used to be soft and mushy and pity everyone's plight. Now i find myself thinking "they deserve it" or able to rationalize and justify certain things - like the death penalty.

Why are these clients so difficult? They started out nice enough. Now it seems that have morphed into Chucky and his bride. Mean, Mean people that make me want to scream and cry at the same time. Difficult.

I guess i should try to get some work done. I have been staring at the same page for 30 minutes and have no idea what the words are, let alone what they mean. Can i go home and curl into a ball and just sleep?