Naked!

I used to enjoy being naked
Never thought twice about it
Then life began to happen
And i sought comfort beneath layers

What lies beneath the layers?
Shed some layers so i can see the real you
Arent you hot underneath these layers?
Dont you feel constrained?
Dont you want to burst free and really breathe?
Words i heard so many times over the years
Words that i heard but paid no heed to

Layers made me feel safe
Maybe i would shed a thin layer if i liked you
But no more

Then he came along
Just waltzed into my life like he belonged there
One minute he was at arms length
The next, he was almost inside me
Made me feel ever so safe
I didnt even realise that the layers were dropping to the floor
All i know is that it felt natural to be naked before him
No layers between us
Thoroughly unafraid to be hot, cold, vulnerable...
Whatever emotions i felt didnt have to be hidden
Thoroughly naked

Then it happened
The blowup when my insecurities, fears
The reason for the layers
Were thrown back at me
There i was ashamed
For he had seen my nakedness
Convinced me that i was beautiful without the layers
That naked was how i was meant to be with him
My cherished thoughts and feelings
Things revealed in my naked state
Were thrown at me with a callousness that had me reeling

No words to express the intensity of emotions i felt
But with an ever present resilience
I found my layers where they were strewn
And began to cloak myself in their safety

Now i am back behind my layers
Safe behind them
The change in me not visible to the naked eye
This time, i seem to have added even more layers
An impregnable shell
To keep me sane
To give me peace

I am sure that the layers will be shed again
As its in my nature to trust and give all of me too easily
But with every him, her, them that cause me to shed my layers
And re-arm myself
It is assured that it will get harder the next time
Which is really sad
For those that are worthy will have to work hard
To be patient, to nurture, to convince, to give space, to draw close
In a bid to get me there again
To get me to be naked