Insight......

So yesterday in the midst of my busy day, something just zipped through my head. Quick thought and it was gone. I stopped mid-step but continued walking. But i held on to the thought.

Later, when i had a few minutes to sit at my laptop. I pulled that thought up and began to actually take it in.

I can be a control freak. Wanting everything to be done in the way i want, how i want it and when i want it. I understand now that it is my way of drawing lines. Setting the rules on how close a person can be and how close they can get. I can also be very effusive. If i have stuff on my mind, i just let it rip. It can be disconcerting to the other person and sometimes i want to bite my tongue but i am at a point in my life where my daily mantra is NO REGRETS. So i would rather get it off my chest than be tortured.

Anyway, lately, i have become a juggler of sorts. Superwoman at work, dutiful supportive daughter and sister at home, backbone and comfort for 3 friends that suffered very heavy losses last week: the death of a father, the death of premature twins and the death of a fiance, constant smiles and miss walk on eggshells for the men in my life etc. And in all these situations, i have been playing miss control it all. When to talk, when to call, when to get gifts, when to stop by, when to send text messages, when to smile, what to say...on and on.

The thought that flashed through my head was simple really: calm down and relax.

As i was busy doodling on my piece of paper (which is what i do when i am thinking), i got a call. A friend out of the blue said he had this overwhelming need to talk to me, to see if i was okay. So he asked what was going on and i let it rip. And he laughed and said 'You need to relax and let go'. Weird right or maybe not. He said, you cant control everything and things will not always be on your terms.

I know that. I am sure we all know stuff but it really only sinks in when someone else says it. Anyway, immediately he said that and we talked some more about specifics and i got off the phone, I felt like a weight was lifted off me. Unbelievable. Freedom. Its like i stopped obsessing. The daily phone calls and text messages that i felt obligated to make and send, i didnt feel the need to anymore. Especially since my friend also made another comment that hit home: you cannot make people feel for you what you feel for them. You cannot force them to respond the way you want.

Unreal. Suddenly all the things that i thought i should be doing to show that i care for all these people didnt make a lick of sense. Especially because i removed myself from it all (its important to do this), sort of floated outside my body and looked at the situations objectively. And i realise, i have done my best. I cannot do more or be more.

I was going to say something about the effusive part but distractions abound.

Anyway, i feel so free. I cannot control everything. I cant force things to happen. Cant force people to react to people the way you want. So why stress? Someone once said to me or was it to someone else? I dont remember but the words said were - Dont sweat the small stuff. All stuff is small stuff.....

Inspired.....

Its Monday morning
And i dont want to leave your side
We have to get up to start our day
But we cant seem to move

You woke me up at 4am
With sweet kisses down the arch of my back
I noticed the Ac was not on
So why did it feel so cool?

You whispered in my ear
'Baby, do you want some water?'
I whispered back 'No'
You got up to get some water for yourself
And i watched you move

My eyes had re-adjusted to the darkness
And i could make you out
I wouldnt have needed the light anyway
Because every inch of you i know

I smiled to myself as i watched you take a sip of water
My heart filled with so much love
Filled with awe that you are all mine
That i am the one that gets to share your nights
The one that you call your heart

On your way back to me
You open the blinds and the windows
The room is filled with the blue flash of lightening
I hear the rumbling of thunder
The sound of rain
This is not a light drizzle
This is a major storm
And i smile

I love the rain
It distracts me
Making me useless as i stare dreamily into space or out of a window
These days
It rains and i think of you

You walk back towards our bed
And get under the covers with me
My body with a mind of its own
Curls itself around you
Unable to get close enough
Your body adjusts to meet mine
And i smile
Surely, nothing can feel better than this

You kiss me
A deep, soul searching, toe tingling kiss
That has me moaning
You whisper 'i wish we didnt have to go to work'
I nod and pull your head back to mine

No words are spoken as our bodies speak
We tell each other the things that we cannot find the words to say
In the most intimate way
We re-affirm our love for one another
Fingers interlaced
Rapid breaths
Moans and screams
Sweat drenched bodies
In a primal dance
To the music of thunder and pouring rain

Tender kisses and lots of 'I love you's'
Some tickling and giggling
I make fun of you ugly feet
You tickle me with them
You say something about my hair and medusa
And i say 'you love my hair'

Silence as we fall asleep
Wrapped in each others arms
Content and secure

The alarm goes off at 6
I contemplate flinging it across the room
I make a move to turn it off
And your arms tighten around me in your sleep
I stop moving
And i settle back down to the warmth of your arms
Where i belong

I smile to myself
One day wont be the end of the world
When we wake, we wake
Call in sick
Spend the whole day at home
In bed
In our pyjamas
Or nothing at all

Its Monday morning
Its raining
I dont want to leave you side

Alright. Another Inspired post. This time blame it on the rain (oooh..Milli Vanilli song). I love the rain. I am at my most unproductive when it rains. I smile foolishly all the time. Stare into space or out of the window. The darker it gets, the better. I love the smell of rain on the earth. I love the fact that rain is life and fertility. I love being by myself when it rains. At home - reading something, or watching something, wearing my socks and buried underneath my duvet. When it rains, i open my blinds so i can see the lightening and watch the rain fall. Honestly though, rain just makes me want to hold and be held. It evokes love and contentment for me. I have tried to understand where my love for rain comes from and i cant figure it out.

Have a great week.....

Inspired.....

Please read this as you listen to what's playing in the sounbyte - Kirk Whalum's - If Only For One Night


He looked at his watch
It was time
He stood up and roared to his men ‘Make we dey go’
His gang of not so merry men put down their bottles of ogogoro and staggered to their feet
Eyes red from intoxication
Feet unsteady
They picked up the tools of their trade
Metal rods, sticks, burlap sacks and a lone locally crafted pistol
And headed out

He led his men out of the slums called home
Onto the street
Across the empty field that was used to kick a ball around
To while away the time
Marching with single minded purpose
He led his men
Across the road
And they got onto the median
And began to walk slowly down it
Heading to the middle of the 3rd mainland bridge

Traffic was at its prime
Cars at a stand still
No one going anywhere
Bumper to bumper the cars were
Drivers resigned to the fact that this would not end anytime soon
Some with their windows rolled down
Wiped their faces as the heat made sweat drip down their faces
Executives asleep in the back of their cushy cars
After a hard day at work
Their drivers sitting upright in their white shirts and ties
Some drivers oblivious to the traffic
Courtesy of the music they were singing to
Some oblivious because of the company they had
Some drivers seemed lost in thought
Contemplating life and obligations
Everyone headed home

His band of un-merry men slowed down right at the middle of the bridge
Jumped onto the road
And it began

Windows rapped on
Some smashed
‘Bring your phone’
‘Bring your bag’
‘Give me all your money’
‘Open your boot’
‘I go fire ya head here my friend’
‘Move it morrafoker’

Some of the men laughed as they assaulted the innocent
Some said nothing
He walked in between the lanes
Weaving between the cars
Keeping his eyes on his men
And on the opposite lane
And on the passengers in the cars

He heard a guttural scream behind him
He turned around
For he had warned his men
No un-necessary violence
Smash and grab
Scare and petrify
But hurt no-one

He walked slowly back to the cause of the noise
A Toyota Corolla
Driver’s door open
A woman struggling with one of his men
In a dark suit
And bare feet
‘Please my phone’
‘Don’t take my phone’
‘Take my car, take it all but not my phone’

He heard his man
The one that the woman had locked in her grip saying
‘I go wound this woman’
‘You dey craze’
He stopped and said
‘Madam, I suggest you leave him alone’
‘Please my phone’

He looked at the woman as she let his man go
He was used to people being intimidated by him
6 feet 3 inches of solid muscle
Every inch of him as dark as coal tar
And at this time of night
He knew that the only features people would be able to see
Were the white of his eyes and his teeth
His voice scared even his mother

This woman didn’t seem to notice him
So focused on her phone
Oblivious to the kicks and slaps
She had tears streaming down her face
He noticed that in addition to the tears
She was crying
No. She was weeping
Making gut wrenching sounds as she screamed ‘my phone’

‘Let me have her phone’
They stopped struggling – his man and the woman
He sneered at her
‘All this noise and wahala over an ordinary Nokia 2210’
‘You want to die over this phone’
All the while she stared at the phone in his hand
Saying over and over ‘please, please, please, please’

‘Get into your car now’
He said in a tone that brooked no argument
He turned to his man
Threw the phone in the burlap sack
And they walked away
He heard the woman scream again but did not turn round

His men hurried along
For the window of opportunity was closing
Traffic was beginning to move

For an inexplicable reason
He turned around
While cars had started to move slowly
The woman was sitting on the bridge
In her dark suit and bare feet
Crying hysterically
Her car door still open

He walked back to her
‘Madam, get up and enter your car’
She seemed not to hear him
‘Did anyone hurt you?’
She looked at him then
And the look of pain and agony on his face made him take a step back
Yet she said nothing
Just continued to cry
‘Madam you can buy another phone. Even a better one’

She whimpered and said something
He didn’t hear
She said words again
‘You have taken my life’
For some reason, he could not move
He just stared at her

She pulled herself up
Into a kneeling position
Held onto his knee and looked up at him
‘I got married 6 months ago
My husband died last month
All I have left of him are the text messages he sent to me on that phone
Not on the SIM card
But on that phone
Please give me my phone’

He looked at her
‘The reason I can still breathe is because of those messages
Please’
He pulled himself free from her grasp
Turned his back on her
And walked away

She was numb
Unable to move
Over 200 text messages
That the love of her life had sent to her
Since he died, she spent hours re-reading those messages
Oblivious to funeral arrangements
Friends, relatives, in-laws
She went to bed cradling her phone
And selecting the messages to put her to bed
Because those messages were for her
He talked to her even though he was gone with those messages
Gone now
Everything she had of him
Gone

She looked up and it was the man
Holding a bag
‘Which one is your phone?’
Not stopping to think
She pointed at the phone at the top of the pile
He reached for it and handed it to her
‘Thank you’
He turned his back and walked away

*Inspired by my love for text messages, the movie P.S I love you, driving home on 3rd mainland bridge and the stories of these petty thieves which thankfully are not as common anymore*

Have a great weekend.

An ode to me....

I am just absolutely and wonderfully made.

Walking past a mirror and i stop dead in my tracks

Who on earth is that stunning gorgeous woman that is behind me?

I whip around and see no one

I walk back

Face the mirror and see myself

Then the smile...

Its me

With hair black and pulled back into a ponytail

Doesnt cascade in bouncy curls down the middle of my back

But its mine and its thick and full and past my shoulders

Brown eyes that crinkle at the corners when i smile

Some say, i will get crow's feet early

But i dont care

For my eyes are a mirror to my soul

A reflection of all i feel

My nose

Cute as a button

Used to wish i had a fulani type nose like Oyinkan

Slim and pointed

But this little nose is my mom's nose

My lips almost always smiling

Not the fullest lips in the world

They dont reduce men to zombies when i pout

But the words that come from these lips

Soothing words, smart words, insane hilarious things, dumb things

And my smile - all me

My lips made for kissing that one i hold dear

My neck

Not long and lean like i sometimes wish it was

But it holds my head up

I can turn my neck left, right, up, down

Which is a blessing in itself

As so many people wish they could

My arms and my hands

Not skinny like i crave sometimes

But they have magic

For in these arms i have held people that needed comforting

My arms are always ready with a hug for anyone who wants one

My hands clasp tight to things i hold dear

They gesticulate madly and animatedly when i talk

All me

My fingers - not thin

But i consider them cute with the little nails attached

That have people asking me if they are real

I dont need artificial nails cos God has blessed me with cute strong nails

That come in useful to scratch my MTN recharge card

Or to graze the skin of someone i am flirting with

Or in the heat of passion, the rake down his back

My breasts

Not as itty bitty as i wish they were

For i have passed the age when the attention was a thrill

But the words of envy from other women

That would pay thousands of dollars to be as well endowed as i am

For these breasts are a symbol of my womanhood

To nurture my babies when the time comes

My waist

Not 24 inches like the models in the magaizines i read religiously

But i see my waist as a testament that i am human and fallible

That i need to exercise and monitor closely my food intake

But where it used to consume my every waking thought

I realise that people dont see me the way i see myself

That when i am hugged and arms wrap around this chubby waist of mine

Its more comforting than feeling bones through a shirt

My back

Well i dont see all of it

But what i see of it is smooth

But my back is more than smoothness

It sit up straight when i notice my back slouching

When i have been working too hard, its starts to hurt

Letting me know i need to lie down

My thighs

Not in proportion to my upper body

Wondered and used to wail to the heavens about the injustice of it all

Why cant i find a dress that fits right?

Or why must a suit fit on top but drop to my ankles at the bottom

But now, these thighs make me smile

All flawless brown skin

For they do not see the sun

So the skin is soft and supple

And during my workouts, i realise how strong these thighs are

Making lower body workouts a breeze

My legs

Not 36 inches of brown legs

But they carry me around

Up and down the stairs

My legs move when i want to dance

And on those rare days when i wear something short

The gasps at the sight of my luscious, smooth legs

Make me smile

My feet

Almost the favorite part of my body

My beautiful feet

Pampered and spoiled with regular pedicures

Little toe nails always painted

Favorite colors are shades of deep red

And when these feet slide into any of the fabulous pairs of shoes

They change all of me

They become sexy and minxy in 4 inch strappy heels

They walk with purpose and power in 3 inch power pumps

They become carefree and girly in flats and slippers

And they become militant in trainers

All of these body parts

Beautiful on their own

But together - stunningly gorgeous

All me

Absolutely wonderfully made in God's image

And beautiful

All because of THAT song...

• I have a special kind of love. Its not romantic love. Its not "mandatory" love from family. I am blessed to have a friend that i know loves me warts and all. My friend has seen me at my highs, shared my good news, shared a lot of my happy times and silly times. My friend has also seen me when i have hit rock bottom. You know the Ugly cry times....when the tears come from the depth of your soul. This friend has seen those. This friend has challenged me. Been mad at me. Yelled at me. Not talked to me for ages. Listened to me rant about nothing. Been my fan, my supporter but has also been my critic. Through all this: it hit me last week. This friend loves me. As in, i know that if i need this friend, time and distance will not be an issue. Its a wonderful feeling to have. To know that there is someone in this world who doesnt have to be there for you, who doesnt have to put up with you, doesnt have to love you - but has CHOSEN to love you. See i believe that love is a choice. Its not automatic or easy. So everyday, that choice to love a person must be re-affirmed or else stuff will get in the way. So i have a precious love that i am so grateful for.

• I am not much of a people person which means that my circle is quite small. I am not the easiest person to deal with. I can go weeks without talking to people or making calls to friends. When i dont feel like talking, i dont. And i get irritated when i am not left alone. When i go into my manic socializing ways, its almost like a different person has emerged. Partly because of who i am and the way i am, there are some relationships in my life that have not been nurtured. As a result, stalemate relationships. In some cases deteriorating relationships. There is one in particular that irks. See we react to people - the vibes they give off. So over the years, vibes i have given and vibes i have gotten from this person have meant a very fragile relationship. As time has hardened me, the things which i should have made the effort to fix rolled off my back. Now here we are: the deterioration has stopped. But there hasnt been an improvement. So here we are - stuck in that awkward place. Knowing that everything isnt right. But what to do? Maybe i know what to do, but the steps that need to be taken are just too hard right now

Alright - I am turning off this Everybody Hurts song. Sheesh!

Just Stuff

Work is moving at blazing speed. The year is almost over and its almost time to take stock again. Of achievements, failures, progress made and all that. I do that. I think its important - well for me anyway since i am slightly obsessive compulsive.

So a few things are on my mind:

• What is Yar'Adua up to? He suspends the new naira policy, suspends the education reforms, scraps NNPC etc. Hmmm....


• Our beloved Speaker of the House who approved a couple of hundred million naira for house renovations...She is a hair dresser. LOL...So i think the way forward is to get a government appointment and do my thing. Shucks!


• If i have one body - ie one face, 10 fingernails, ten toenails etc, why on earth do i have soooooo many products - cleaners, soaps, nail polishes etc? Wasteful perhaps? But i dont have them, i feel odd...


• What on earth is the point of life? Yes i ask this now and again but like really. You do all these things. Make all these choices, push and push, quarrel and makeup, love and lose and all for what. It just seems to all be a bloody waste of time and space. Cos really, some human beings are just taking up space cos i cannot understand what earth they are existing for


• So what do you do when you are bored with your own life? Its the same thing. I wake up in the morning at a ridiculous hour. I pray. Pretty much the same prayer in different ways afterall nothing really changes. Thank God, ask for protection and guidance, thank God and praise him and emm maybe specific needs... Anyway pray. Turn on my tv for 10 minutes of CNN. Get into the shower. Get out and continue whatever is in the DVD player. Same lotion, same order of moisturizing (from my feet up). All fragrances in a specific order. Today - a Victoria Secret body splash. Tomorrow - perfume. Get dressed in the work constraints. Get into the car, turn on the music and drive the same long route to the office. Get to work and work. Get into the car - maybe hangout with the same people, or if its someone new - same old conversation about who u are, and what u like while dotting my i's and crossing my t's. Then i go home. Say hey to the folks. Catch up with my brother. Go to my room, continue with whatever is in the DVD player, send text messages or call the same old people (and i love you all but still), read a few pages of whatever i am reading, read my bible and sleep. Weekends are just random but its the same damn thing. I am so bored with my life


• I feel a restlessness in my soul and i dont know what its about. Do i want to leave the country for a while - maybe find some obscure course and ship off to South America for 6 months. Do i want to move into an apartment of my own and fill my time decorating? Do i want to take up a new hobby - say cross stitching (LOL - imagine me doing that), do i want to stop working? What on earth is it...I am itching but for what?


• I now realise that i can be very very anti-social. Frankly, i dont like people very much..LOL


• I truly believe that unless one finds peace within oneself, there cant be space to share one's life with anyone. And no i dont restrict this to romantic love. I just dont see how an unfulfilled, insecure and maybe unhappy person can bring joy to anyone else....

Back to the same old thing i go.....Much Love!

Aha....

She came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman. The wife was VERY upset!

"You are a disrespectful pig!" she cried. "How dare you do this to me – a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I'm leaving you. I want a divorce straight away!" And he replied:

"Hang on just a minute luv, so at least I can tell you what happened" "Fine, go ahead", she sobbed, " but they'll be the last words you'll say to me!"

And he began:

"Well, I was getting into the car to drive home and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the car. I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty.

She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days! So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight. The poor thing devoured them in moments.

Since she needed a good clean-up I suggested a shower and while she was doing that I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes so I threw
them away.


Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don't wear because you say they are too tight. I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don't wear because I don't have good taste.

I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don't wear just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at the
expensive boutique and don't wear because someone at work has a pair like them.."


He took a quick breath and continued: "She was so grateful for my understanding and help and as I walked her to the door she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said ....


'"Please........do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use?'

.........

I thank God today for the gift of life
For the gift of family
For the opportunity to be able to stand on my 2 feet
With my voice clear and loud
Giving thanks to God

Suprise words.....

I got into the office and did the hello rounds. A colleague of mine walked out of the kitchenette and i said hi to him and he said "N(my company name)angel. I know you are just hiding your wings".

LOL....Took my breath away i tell you....

................2

More time spent
More smiles
Actually more laughs
Comfort
Satisfaction
Still giddy
Still excited
Still breathless

Strength i can tap from
Every word said - remembered
No words.....

Special Shout-outs

• My blogger pal Snazzy wrapped up his one year of mandatory prison sentence other wise known as NYSC 2 days ago. So congratulations love.....Please go by his page and say something about it...Stroke his ego a bit....LOL
• My friend Seyi (my special one) has been ill for a few days. He took the day off yesterday but is back in today even though i know he should still be in bed....So i hope you feel better soon.....
• My dear friend Olawunmi who is also a blogger has suffered the loss of a really close friend....So please leave him a few words...I know he will appreciate them

Much Love!

A sign that the times have changed.....

We have all become jaded and suspicious. As a people.

2 cases in point:

• I was watching a movie a few weeks ago - i dont remember the title. But i remember a really sweet scene where a little girl's grandfather lifted her into his arms. Placed one hand across her back and the other under her little bum. Sweet. But my initial reaction was why is his arm under her bum?
• Yesterday, after work - at about 6pm, the daughter of a colleague dropped by and hung out for a bit with us while waiting for her dad to be ready. She is 5. She of course was playing and doing her thing. When another colleague O, who is a joy to be with actually began to play with her. You know, Tae-kwando and silliness. She starts to hit him over and over and in an attempt to make her sit still, he lifted her up. Since she is tall for her age, he scooped her up - one arm under her bum and the other across her back and dumped her on a table and ran away before she could jump down. So why on earth, that that strike me as weird and wrong?

I remember being younger and male relatives would hug, carry and throw me every which way and it was nothing. Now, people are so suspicious about people's motives. Justifiably so in the light of all the horror stories we hear about pedophiles.

Last week, i came across an article. Jermaine Jackson's ex girlfriend in addition to claiming that he isnt bankrupt, alleged that he had an unhealthy relationship with his kids because he slept in the same bed as they did.

Hold on. I can see how doing this might make sense to her - especially with brother Michael;'s issues. But a father cant sleep in the same bed as his kids anymore?

I am a wuss and for as long as i can remember, i have crawled into bed with my parents if i got scared. There are times when my mom has been out of town and i would crawl into bed with my dad just cos i was scared. Shucks...I did this earlier on this year. What does this now mean?

We have truly lost our innocence and that is quite scary....

...........

An unexpected suprise
Totally out of the blue
Quality time spent
Suprised i am having fun
So easy to talk to
I am laughing way too much
Smiling way too much
Just crept up on me
Sweetness
Giddiness
Anticipation
Excitement
The beginning?

Thoughts

Being disrespected doesnt always mean words have to be exchanged or voices have to be raised. It doesnt also have to involve big actions. It can be little things done that show a blatant disregard for a person. And all it takes is something "little" in the eyes of many but huge to me for me to switch off.

Disrespect.....

Beautifully and Magnificently Made

These words came rushing out of me after i did my post on reminiscing and reading Onada's latest post:

Look at me
Every inch of this chocolate temple is beautiful
For so long i defined my sense of worth
Measured my dignity and price by numbers on labels and scales
No more

The quest for weight loss is no longer an obsession
But is taken in stride
Not because i think i will be better if i was smaller
But because the quest for perfect health remains
But this post isnt about that

Its about realising that i am beautiful
Every inch of me is a treasure to behold
Add to that my confidence and personality
I radiate beauty

And its not my attempt to be vain
Because i realise i was made in God's image
I realise that i need to be thankful that i can walk and run and sit
With no assistance from anyone
Or any device

I am beautiful
Every inch of me is perfection

In life, let us not all forget to thank God for just keeping us here. Life can change in one second.

The wedding was great and Ms N looked so beautiful. They are off on their honeymoon tonight and it was such a lovely day. Kudos to Ibidun of Elizabeth R for planning and organizing two days of magic. Tears were shed but good tears.

After all the festivities including accompanying her to his folks' place, we went back to her place, bid her folks goodbye and i got into my car to drive home. I was going to put up pictures of what my car looks like but i am too distressed. Had an accident on the way home - a series of freak events. Result? Shattered windscreen, me running into a concrete median on 3rd mainland bridge, glass all over me, left side of my car grazed. Unbelievably, i drove home and am unscathed except for minor scratches here and there. I cant give the details exactly but here is the summary - as i prepared to go home, the drivers at my friends place asked me to pop the hood of my car so they could top up the water and just check that everything was okay. I was the source of jokes because my friend said i just drive and that i know nothing about what else to do. And since i leave home so early, the drivers in my house cant check the car except on saturdays. So her dad asked the guys to make sure everything was okay before i made the journey home.

After they did everything, i set off at about 11pm. Halfway down the bridge, doing like 90mph, the hood of my car popped up and slammed into the windscreen shattering it on impact. The drivers closed the hood of my car but didnt slam it. I remember screaming, but instinctively, i turned to the median and crashed into it. Because of the timing i flew out of the car, pushed the bonnet back down and sped home. The shock didnt hit me till after. I havent been able to sleep cos i keep hearing the thud and seeing my windscreen shatter.

I cannot thank God enough for his grace because it could have been worse. I just thank God

Women's Issue - Uzo's Issues - On my mind

Its one of those Lagos rainy days and as i sit here trying to catch up on my emails and getting over the antics of yesteday, my mind is wandering and i am just trawling through thoughts and feelings.......Work is a weird place to be doing this but i dont think one can control these things....

• I am filled with a sense of resignation. I knew this was coming but its finally hit me. We will never be and there it is. How do i feel? Weird and a little sad but truth be told i have known it for a while.
• I am filled with excitement because a couple of things are brewing in my life at the moment that let me know that my future is going to be very very interesting, fulfilling and blessed
• I am eager and itchy to go to my future already. I know that all these wonderful things are in store for me and i just wish i can skip through my now and leap into my tomorrow. However, i know that its my then and now that will shape who i will be tomorrow so i just have to be...Its not like i have Harry Potter's powers...
• I am overwhelmed with love for my friend N. She looked soooo beautiful yesterday and even though she has lost her voice and sounds so tired, i could hear her happiness. Tomorrow is the big day and i will be there firmly with her, ready to go out of my way to ensure that she has the best day. I am so excited and so happy for her and F. I have been there from the beginning, to the fights and making up, to the proposal, to the planning, to moving house.....I love this young woman who is one of the sweetest people ever. Her soft spoken voice has comforted me, defended me, laughed with me countless times since i have known her. Her presence just calms me. Agggggggghhh! F is one lucky man
• I am tired. M sleepy and tired but its good tiredness

Thoughts on a rainy day. Life is really so interesting. Some days are a blur when i am so busy that i can barely think. There are days when i dont have time for feelings or emotions. And then there are days like today when all the neglected thoughts and relegated feelings come to the surface and nothing will do to distract me from them. In times like this, one wonders what to do with all these feelings.

Do feelings get resolved? Or are they just there. For instance, my feeling of resignation will pass or it can evolve. My love for Miss N will remain constant but can evolve....Ah ha...Feelings always evolve or change. But there are sometimes, i wish i didnt have any. Feelings i mean. Sometimes, you feel things - like hatred for instance. And in order to get a handle on this hatred towards a person, you have to dig deep and we are forced to face some home truths...So mits simply easier to not do the digging and then blame everyone else or simply ignore the feelings.

I an rambling i know but i cant be eloquent and dazzling all the time. My name is Uzo and this is where i am today

Have a great weekend.!

P.S: For all those bloggers going to the bash tomorrow, take some pictures for my benefit

A Modern Fairytale - Part 1

Once upon a time, in a distant land called Lagoshia, there was born to Otunba Femi Judiimi and Princess Fadekemi Aeisha a beautiful baby girl called Oreoluwa Adoara Mariam.

This princess with the multi-cultural names was destined to live a charmed life. Her parents though not born into royalty had been given their chieftaincy titles by virtue of their contributions to society. Her father until his retirement was a customs officer and her mother - well she looked good all the time and attended every occassion that was guaranteed to be a splash in the very intellectual weekly publications that were sold around town.

Our little princess' arrival was met with relief by her parents - her mom ecstatic that she finally had a child and that all her visits to the many holy men/women had not been in vain and her dad could finally prove to the world that he was virile. Besides, it saved him the cost and hassle of marrying another wife.

In that vein, a gig to end all gigs was planned. The live music was provided by legendary King Sheshe Agagu, the masked one Lariga, the elegant stallion Onyinye Owe and the Koko master - Dayo. The party lasted over 4 days with lots of food and drink for all. Through all this, our princess had her cute little self enrobed and disrobed a total of 25 times. And our little princess slept through most of the proceedings.

So our little princess began her charmed life. She attended the best private schools in town. Sure she couldnt recite her ABC's properly at age 5 but her parents stepped in and she scaled through kindergarten and nursery 1 without a hitch. She couldnt count for shit but her finger paintings were great.

Our little princess also began to develop the necessary social skills for interaction with the world. All her little classmates were either royalty like her or expatriate kids from far off countries like Venezuela and China whose parents worked in the thriving agriculture sector that was a huge foreign exchange earner for Lagoshia.

Fast forward 18 years.............

My thought for the day

Mediocrity attacks Excellence

My thought for today.........

Nothing is expensive. You just cant afford it.....