All because of THAT song...

• I have a special kind of love. Its not romantic love. Its not "mandatory" love from family. I am blessed to have a friend that i know loves me warts and all. My friend has seen me at my highs, shared my good news, shared a lot of my happy times and silly times. My friend has also seen me when i have hit rock bottom. You know the Ugly cry times....when the tears come from the depth of your soul. This friend has seen those. This friend has challenged me. Been mad at me. Yelled at me. Not talked to me for ages. Listened to me rant about nothing. Been my fan, my supporter but has also been my critic. Through all this: it hit me last week. This friend loves me. As in, i know that if i need this friend, time and distance will not be an issue. Its a wonderful feeling to have. To know that there is someone in this world who doesnt have to be there for you, who doesnt have to put up with you, doesnt have to love you - but has CHOSEN to love you. See i believe that love is a choice. Its not automatic or easy. So everyday, that choice to love a person must be re-affirmed or else stuff will get in the way. So i have a precious love that i am so grateful for.

• I am not much of a people person which means that my circle is quite small. I am not the easiest person to deal with. I can go weeks without talking to people or making calls to friends. When i dont feel like talking, i dont. And i get irritated when i am not left alone. When i go into my manic socializing ways, its almost like a different person has emerged. Partly because of who i am and the way i am, there are some relationships in my life that have not been nurtured. As a result, stalemate relationships. In some cases deteriorating relationships. There is one in particular that irks. See we react to people - the vibes they give off. So over the years, vibes i have given and vibes i have gotten from this person have meant a very fragile relationship. As time has hardened me, the things which i should have made the effort to fix rolled off my back. Now here we are: the deterioration has stopped. But there hasnt been an improvement. So here we are - stuck in that awkward place. Knowing that everything isnt right. But what to do? Maybe i know what to do, but the steps that need to be taken are just too hard right now

Alright - I am turning off this Everybody Hurts song. Sheesh!

It all started over...........

A ring tone.

This weekend had a little bit of drama.

My girl has been seeing this guy and we all assumed they were a couple. Anyway, we are all hanging out on saturday at a bar and having huge laughs. My girl had talked to her man earlier on in the day so his number was the last one she dialled. For some insane reason, her phone dialled the last number (his). And that's when the S**T hit the fan. All these modern phones allow you to use songs as specific ring tones.

We are sitting there when his phone begins to vibrate to the "sweet" sounds of Destiny's Child - Bug a boo. We all laugh and my girl says something about him being so mean and how he could set that as a ringtone for anyone. She grabbed his one off the table to see for herself who it was that had been assigned this special ring tone. It all happened so quickly and my girl just grabbed the phone expecting to see "plumber" or something. Instead, she saw her name.

It got well ugly at that point. Her man was thoroughly taken aback. The shouting started with us onlookers trying very hard to stare anywhere else but at the 2 of them or at the phone. My girl dials his number again to be sure and sure enough "you're a bug a boo, a bug a boo" came on. His explanation: well there were a couple. At first he said there had to be a mistake - he actually picked up his phone and started turning it around and looking at it in stupefaction. Then he said he had forgotten that someone (who?) was playing with his phone and must have done it. Eventually, he admitted that when they first met, my girl used to emmm, well be a little over enthusiastic and he assigned that tone to her THEN, but its not the same now. "You know i feel about you babe".

I made my exit at that point. But it got me thinking about technology and ringtones. I used to have a crush on this guy and i assigned Ray J's One Wish to him. And everytime my phone rang, i would smile. That was until a friend of mine met him and the first thing she said "Oh. You are Mr One Wish". Ehn, it took some clever verbal maneuvering to rescue that situation.

I hear phones go off around me and i hear tones like "Baby", "African Queen" and even that one that says "An idiot is calling" in a really stilted british accent. So i started wondering: what ring tone has been assigned to me? LOL

Damn technology to hell!

Money and Love

So in today's world of "adult" relationships, it seems that there are new rules in play that were previously alien to me. Apparently, dating a man gives one access to a new money source. HIM. It is understood that He Man will become responsible for certain expenses of Damsel. Credit for her phone - Check. Getting her nails and hair done - Check. Rent - Check. Car expenses or even new car - Check. Vacations - Check. Wardrobe allowance - Check. Pocket money - Check.

I have always been one of those odd women that found even gifts difficult to accept. Letter and cards, i loved. Mixed tapes and CDs....Perfume - oh yeah. As i got older, i relaxed a bit. Allowed myself to accept thoughtful gifts in my mind. Shoes, books, DVDs, CDs, the odd piece of jewelery. Those were fine in my mind because it meant that he thought about who i am and acted accordingly. I remember the first time a boyfriend gave me $300 in cash to go shopping. I almost fainted. We had the biggest fight in history and resulted in me storming out and absolutely refusing to speak to him for weeks. How dare he i thought? Trying to buy me. Paying me for services rendered? That's the way it felt to me. Paying me. So subsequent men in my life know that cash is a no go area for me.

I know that a lot of my friends have always thought me odd. And those acquaintances i know think it even odder. I have been asked why on earth i am with a man if i dont get perks? Huh? How about for company, to share my time with, because i like him, because i like how he makes me feel? That seems all well and good to some while some women have looked at me in amazement. In a world where the eligibility of a man is based on the size of his wallet, car and job.

Nigeria seems to be worse. Its actually nauseating. I have a friend of mine that works with an oil company but when he meets a woman, he claims to work for a Nigerian airline. Why? To gauge the level of interest. So far, the moment he mentions Chachangi, the look on their faces change. He is a pretty hot guy, well spoken and very put together. Its interesting to see the change: from first appreciating his looks, to being turned off the moment he says where he works. I thought he was being a bit harsh at first but i have to agree with his strategy now.

So is accepting money and allowing a man foot all bills acceptable in relationships? If it is, then how much is acceptable? Does marriage make it different? How much cash is acceptable? What kind of gifts are acceptable? And this goes both ways - for men and women.

Finally

I am so happy about this. Finally. At the end of this article, note that Bobby says he is having a hard time? I bet he is seeing as she supported him. LOL.

Here's to new beginning, God's blessing and having the ultimate diva back. Well fingers crossed.

LOS ANGELES, California (AP) -- After a tumultuous 14-year marriage marked by drug arrests and stints in rehab, Whitney Houston is divorcing Bobby Brown.

The pop singer filed divorce papers in Orange County Superior Court this week, a month after filing for legal separation from Brown, Houston's publicist Nancy Seltzer said Tuesday. The couple lived in Alpharetta, Georgia. The documents could not be obtained Tuesday by The Associated Press and Brown's attorney Phaedra Parks declined to comment.

Houston, 43, had asked in her separation papers that she be granted custody of the couple's 13-year-old daughter Bobbi Kristina, and that Brown, 37, be allowed visitation rights.
The couple wed in 1992, with Houston at the height of her fame as a Grammy-winning superstar known for such hits as "I Will Always Love You."

Brown won acclaim for his gritty R&B songs as a one-time member of the boy band New Edition.
During their marriage, Brown was arrested for drugs and alcohol and Houston entered drug rehabilitation programs twice.

In an attempt to clean up her public image, Houston stepped out last month for an event in Beverly Hills with cousin Dionne Warwick and mogul Clive Davis, with whom she is working on a new album.

Brown, who also has two teenage children with a Massachusetts woman, recently paid up to $11,000 in delinquent child support after being threatened with arrest two weeks ago if he stepped back into the state.

Brown's attorney has said he was having a "very difficult" time due to the separation initiated by Houston.

Repost - Married Friends

On my way home from work last night, i saw a car that reminded me of an old friend so i promptly whipped my phone out and called him. Halfway through the second ring, i remembered he was married and i was calling at 8.05pm. . Do i hang up? Well no, that would be a little odd. So he picks up the phone and the first thing i ask, is if its okay to call him this late. He laughs and asks what on earth i mean. We laugh, catch up and bid each other goodnight.

As my friends (male and female) get married and have kids, i find myself in that uncertain category - the unmarried friend. I have always had more male friends and always considered myself one of the boys when i hung out with them. Now that some of them are married, what is the protocol now? Of course the guys say things will not change. Yeah right! First of all, those calls and texts at any time of the day or night to goof around or complain about the latest relationship cannot happen anymore. There will be a reduced number of hang out dates - we don't want people getting the wrong impression now do we? Even when the wives know me, as most of them do, i can sense a certain coldness that wasn't there before - you know, when they were just dating. Let's not even discuss visits to their homes. The guys are torn between hanging out with me (you all know how much fun i am and the impact my scintillating conversations have on people ), and not upsetting wifey in any way.

The girlfriends, i always thought would be easier. My girls are like my sisters. I played a part at their weddings, in some cases, i was the matchmaking maven that brought them together, i even convinced some of these girls to date these men in the first place. Well, reality check! I was going to the movies and asked one of my girls to come along. She said she would love to but she couldn't. Figured she was busy or something. Then she told me, her husband didn't want her hanging out with her single friends so much anymore. Huh!!!!!!! I felt like a contagious disease considering that i am the only single friend she has left. Am i going to contaminate his precious wife? Or sully the marriage? Am i one of the Lagos big girls one frequently reads about in the soft sell publications always up to no good? Is he forgetting that I - Uzoma Amuta introduced them. When he was acting up, I was the one that convinced her to stay with him. I wanted to go and see Ice Age 2 at 5pm. That hurt me a little bit until someone told me not to take it personally. "You are single and therefore you must be up to no good - doesn't matter if it is true or not."

I never thought i would be the scarlet woman. Now i think its sooooo funny. I dont even introduce the current date or person in my life to many people. Heaven forbid that does not work out and the next week they are being introduced to another fellow. It will confirm their unfounded belief that i must be having swinging parties all over Lagos and am determined to snatch their beloved husbands away from them or drag their wives into the world of iniquity.

God dey!!!!