Special Shout-outs

• My blogger pal Snazzy wrapped up his one year of mandatory prison sentence other wise known as NYSC 2 days ago. So congratulations love.....Please go by his page and say something about it...Stroke his ego a bit....LOL
• My friend Seyi (my special one) has been ill for a few days. He took the day off yesterday but is back in today even though i know he should still be in bed....So i hope you feel better soon.....
• My dear friend Olawunmi who is also a blogger has suffered the loss of a really close friend....So please leave him a few words...I know he will appreciate them

Much Love!

For someone special......

In my soundbyte post, i mentioned my friend Miss Y and so many memories came rushing into my head and my heart just did so much and i just have to talk about this woman. By the way, the picture of Betty Boop on this post is really appropriate for her as she is a diva.

I met Y during A-Levels. I remember walking into class and sitting in the fron row where she was sitting. I was of course so quiet but we clicked almost immediately. We were the 2 youngest people in the whole set and we tried not to advertise that fact. I remember always adding a year on to my age - i was 14 at the time and i just stopped that a few years ago.

Anyway, we started talking and turns out she had just moved to my estate and we were literally 5 minutes away from each other. The start of a relationship that goes beyond the 2 of us. Our families are friends and for all intents and purposes Miss Y is my parents child and i am the extra child her parents never gave birth to.

Where do i start? We got into so much trouble together, using each other as alibis. We went out together, cooked and ate together, went on cereal diets together, shopped at MOne supermarket together, listened to music together, read each other's diaries....We talked about absolutely everything and we bacame part of a sentence - Uzo & Y.

Then about a year and a half after we met, i was getting ready to start university, she went on summer holidays and i just knew she wasnt coming back. When i went to her house on the day she was supposed to be back, her mom told me she wasnt coming back, that she was starting school in the US, i just started to cry. Her mom hugged me and told me it would be okay and proceeded to give me a really long letter which she wrote to me, i remember 2 pairs of shoes and some jewelery. I devoured the letter and it was full of the new facts of her life and i just felt so lost.

I went off to England soon after and we kept in touch. Emails and calls. Its a bit of a blur now but i know she was there. We talked a lot. My hesitant steps as i maneuvered through University of Buckingham at just 15 were shared with her. An important fact here, my boyfriend and 1 hooked her up with a close friend of his and that relationship would be a defining part of her life.

I got gifts from her and letters and i think i sent her some cds and stuff as well. Then during a holiday in the States, i flew to Virginia to see her. And it was soooo great. We talked through the night and that weekend flew by so fast.

As life began to unfold for us, we stopped talking everyday and the calls became less frequent. But our relationship was such that time didnt matter. The phone would ring and she would speak and that was it - like she was next to me and we would talk and talk and talk. Through the ups and downs, she was there.

Then i moved home and she was disappointed - we always talked about sharing an apartment or living in the same city and in my way, i tried to convince her to think about moving home as well.

We lost touch for a few months but her mom served as a bridge for us. Then we reconnected a few months ago and its almost as great as befire. I just wish i could see her everyday. I can be me with this woman. No judgement - nothing. I can say anything to her and its all good. My deepest secrets and insecurities, she has. When i am at peace, she knows. We talk fashion, men, money, life.

I am soooo excited that she will be home in a few months for a whole month. I am almost jealous of all the people she will have to see and catch up with cos i want her all to myself. There are no words to express how much i love and adore this woman. I am tearing up just thinking about her.

She is sooo beautiful - i mean physically and on the inside. She is light skinned while i am dark skinned. She is taller, i am the short one. We love shoes and that in itself can be the subject of a phone call. LOL. She is so beautiful inside with a heart of gold. She has such a wonderful job. I cant do her job cos i dont have the patience or what it takes but i love her so much for what she does. I love this woman and when i say my prayers, i might forget some people, but i never ever forget to ask my Father to bless her and her family. If i forget her family, I never forget to ask him to shower all his blessings on her. I think she knows how much i think of her but here's a public declaration.

So my divalicious Miss Y, you have my heart and i thnk God for you. Now, you know my shoe size, get shopping for your trip back and i cannot wait till you come home.

The last of it....

This is the last time i will discuss my "dance partner" just because i need to..

He is a friend of mine. The kind of friend that i am totally myself with. I told him in a very casual way that i was extra sweet on him and i dont really think he took me too seriously since we joke about everything under the sun. I was uncomfortable after the dream and after the words i wrote so hanging out with him was reduced to a minimum. I got over that and we are back where we are. I really dont know what triggered these feelings again.

He is to me one of the most beautiful people that ever walked this earth. He is sweet and smart. Funny but so serious at the same time. Yes. He is a wonderful person but what i adore most about him? I love the woman that i am when i am with him. He brings out all these things in me that i cant be with anyone else. Nothing is off limits. I am beautiful, smart, funny, ingenious with him and i know i am one of the few people that he is truly comfortable with.

I just know that we would be fabulous together. On the other hand, i feel like i would lose myself totally with him. I hate the Destiny's Child song "Cater to you" but the first time i heard this, i just thought of him. I would gladly cater to him. And i know it would be the same for him.

I could go on and on about how giddy this man makes me feel but i wont. The intensity of what i feel for him had me in tears on Sunday. For no reason except that i felt my head and my heart swell so much and tears rushed to my eyes and i cried. So the next logical question for me would be: why dont you really tell him how you feel? why dont you tell him that the thought of him being with anyone else is so painful? why dont i tell him that you want to be his all and all - to be the reason for his smile? why dont i tell him that i want to walk into a room and have him really smile at me. Not the way he does now, but because its me - the woman he loves?

I am brave about other things but my relationship with him is one that i dont joke with. I want to smack the women that hurt him and i get confused. I talk to him and i sense a little bit more. But then again, i cant be sure.....

So now, i want to pick up the phone and call him and tell him since i am a coward and cant do this face to face. I cant do it though. I want to hear his voice so bad but i am afraid that when he says "hey", the words out of my mouth will be "i am crazy about you".

So i will do what i did the last time, stay away from him till i have gotten this in check. The feelings will fade. I will look back at this and laugh. But for now......

The Dysfunctionality of Best Friends

I was chatting with a friend the other day. And her best friend came up. She bemoaned the fact that since he had found himself a girlfriend, he was scarce. Didnt call as much, come around as much. Just wasnt there like he used to be. Made worse by the fact that instead of a long distance relationship, this new girlfriend literally lived round the corner. She misses him. I mean he's her best friend. A little bit of jealousy there as well. She is supposed to be THE woman in his life.

I have to say that i have felt the same way. I am one of those women who has always had better male friends than girl friends. Sure some of them eventually reveal that they want a little extra but there are 2-3 buddies of mine that i can thoroughly depend on. Sure i try to hook them up when they are single, listen to stories of chases and unrequited love. And i honestly and truly want them happy with partners.

BUT i get a little jealous and pissed WHEN they find someone. Why? I dont want them for myself. I think its just the loss of friendship per say. He can no longer call as much since his phone time is spent with her, he cant really hang out that much since he spend all his time with her. I cant just call anytime i want since she might be around. Shucks, she might and usually is uncomfortable with the relationship i have with him. She think i must have had, am having or will have something to do with him at some point. I either get the evil looks from her or just the cold shoulder. In a bizarre case, she made it a point of duty to become my friend as well. When she sent me lunch, i binned it. A little afraid. I am no longer his go to girl. He ceases to be mine.

Of course, i never let on and i honestly thought i was the only one that felt this way, till one of my few girlfriends said the same thing. Is this just something that girls feel? Or do some guys feel the same way?

When they get married, its even a whole different ball game. Someone who used to be my protector and closest friend got married a few years ago, and i can count the times i have actually seen him. Sure we talk every now and then but any plans to hang out have to be run past and approved by madam. The one and only time i went to their house after i came back home, i felt so uncomfortable and left after half an hour. She just kept staring at me. And since i was supposed to have dinner there, she was in the kitchen cooking. When she left us alone, i was consious of the fact that i was laughing a lot and talking a lot and we were just chattering like the old days. When she came out of the kitchen to join us, i realised that she couldnt really join our conversation since she didnt know what on earth we were going on about. The next time she got up to go back to the kitchen, i followed. Made some small talk about recipes and having a nice home and made a sharp exit. Using some stupid excuse.

Is this to be the trend with my guy friends. Maybe it would be easier if they start dating someone from our "circle"? The guys in my lfe tend to go OUTSIDE the circle which makes things harder? I guess i really had better learn to deal with this since they are all getting snapped up left and right.