A Meme.....

So with lack of time for blogging, here's a meme i found on a blog

1. Honestly, are you in love right now?
No

2. Honestly, what color is your underwear?
Pink

3. Honestly, what's on your mind right now?
So much work to do. I need sleep.

4. Honestly, what are you doing right now?
Answering this question. Preparing a financial report

5. Honestly, what did you do today?
Just got in about half an hour again. The elevators are being serviced so i took the stairs to the 8th floor...Unbudgeted exercise in heels and a suit SUCKS!

6. Honestly, do you think you are attractive?
Heck yeah....And the whole house echoes - Yes

7. Honestly, have you done something bad today?
At 7.54am? Nope...Actually – i cursed someone out on the way to work. But i was in my car with the windows wound up and the person didn’t hear. Does that count?

8. Honestly, do you watch Disney channel?
YES

10. Honestly, what makes you happy most of the time?
The little things – text messages, surprise phone calls, books, my family....the sun shining, puppies...You get the idea

11. Honestly, do you bite your nails?
No...but i used to

12. Honestly, what is your mood right now?
Indifferent

13. Honestly, who do you want to see at this very moment?
*smile*

14. Honestly, do you have a deep dark secret?
Em...Well i haven’t killed anyone – not physically anyway...  I mean the broken hearts i have left in my wake is a type of murder right?...Okay let me stop....

15. Honestly, do you hate someone right now?
Nope. A waste of emotional energy

16. Honestly, who/what do you want to hug right now?
*smile*

17. Honestly, do your wrists hurt?
Em...Should they hurt?

18. Honestly, are you in denial?
YES. About all the smiles above.....Figure that one out

19. Honestly, wouldn't you rather be having sex right now?
Em..NO

20. Honestly, is it easier to talk on Blogger than in person?
NOPE

21. Honestly, does anyone like you?
*smile*

22. Honestly, is it going anywhere with them?
*smile*

24. Honestly, did you answer all these questions honestly?
Yes...

Ish....

I try so hard not to be a cynic.

Sure we all have our stories and experiences with the opposite sex...If i started today, it wouldnt end.

But despite that, i try to take each man that comes my way as a decent enough fellow. Except when its glaring but even then - i can be naive to a fault.

But sometimes...

I have known D for months. 8 months exactly. He hounds and chases, professes love, sends me gifts which i return, flies into town to see me or so he claims...But he just will not accept my no.

So on Valentine's day,s he sends me flowers and a loooooooooooooooooooooog text espousing sweet nothings and telling me to check my email. That he has a surpise waiting for me

I immediately figure its an e-card but cant be too bothered. So literally 20 minutes ago, i bother to open it...

So why on earth is the e-card addressed to UCHE?

I hate to say it here but let me give in - MEN...........

In the spirit of christmas

A conversation with Mommy

Most of the women i know enjoy interesting relationships with their moms. They love hard, they fight hard and most importantly (LOL), they gossip a lot about the people they know. So a few weeks ago, i came home late from work and had this conversation with my mom. I just remembered cos my mom is out of town and she called to mention one of the parties in this story.....

Uzo: Mommy good evening

Mommy: How r u? How was work?

Uzo: Fine...How was the shop?

Mommy: Fine. Oya come and sit down. I have gist for you.

Uzo hastens to sit on the bed. Bring on the gist / gossip

Mommy: so remember i told you i saw N the other day coming out of a strange road?

Uzo: Yes. And people are free to go wherever they want oh. Mommy, the road you saw him come out of is not strange. You just dont know what he was doing there.

Mommy: Sisi...listen jare.

Uzo: Okay. Go ahead

Mommy: So today, i got the real gist from Mrs B

Uzo: Oya tell me

Mommy: He is having an affair and that is where his mistress lives. Down that street

Uzo: No way. He cant be having an affair. How can?

Mommy: Abeg jare. But his mistress is a blind woman

Uzo: Ehn! How can?

Mommy: Yes oh! Imagine

Uzo: How did he meet a blind woman? I mean there is nothing wrong i am sure....Although...But how did he meet a blind woman?

Mommy: In his office.

Uzo: He has blind women in his office? But he is an architect..How? What will a blind woman be doing there?

Mommy: Doing her work of course.

Uzo: But how? What will a blind woman be doing in his office?

Mommy: Look...they are having an affair. Can you imagine? And his wife knows the blind woman

Uzo: Mommy i still dont understand.

Mommy: What is there to understand? They are having an affair. But Mrs B said that his wife caught them in a compromising position oh. That N is not talking to his wife over the scene she made so he has been staying with the blind woman for a few days.

Uzo: This is serious oh

Mommy: Exactly. All i know is that i will tell your daddy that if N or his wife come here to discuss it, we should be quiet and not say anything

Uzo: Na wah oh. But mommy - a blind woman. Haba. How does she know if she even likes N? I mean...Anyway, maybe its because N has money.

Mommy: What do you mean? These women dont care. Besides he is a fine man

Uzo: But how will she know?

Mommy: Kilo n se omo e? What do you mean how will she know? She has eyes...

Uzo: But she is a blind woman...

Mommy: And so

Uzo: If she is blind, how can she see him?

Mommy: Blind? She is not blind

Uzo: You have been saying the blind woman since...what do you mean she is not blind

Mommy: ...pause.....Oh....(at this point she begins to laugh hysterically)

Uzo: What is so funny now?

Mommy: She is not blind. She makes blinds

Uzo: She makes curtains?

Mommy: Yes now. Blinds and curtains are the same thing. How can N go out with a blind woman? Where will he find her? Uzo sef...

Yup... A conversation with my mom....

I swear this is true.....

My maternal grandma is a trip.....

She does and says the oddest things. She is a great source of concern, amusement and just entertainment to us all. And she always does stuff to top the last incident. Infact, i think i will make her the subject of a few posts now and again.

The latest incident:

• My grandma and my aunt (who stays with her) are watching TV. Had to be LTV or something like that. And then one of those ads for alternative healers comes on. Well this one is some Dr something or the other - Oko Oloyun (sp). For you all that dont understand this - a Dr of pregnancy. Obstetrician. My grandmother is officially 83 but we figure she is really like 86 or something. She is mega strong and still mega active. So why on earth will an 83 year old woman visit Oko Oloyun? Well i dont know. But my aunt says, my grandma got her to take down his address. So off they went to some place in old Lagos Island. Some dilapidated 7 storey building. Oko Oloyun's office happens to be on the 7th floor. My 83 year old grandma proceeds to march up the stairs and sits in the "waiting room area". Yup. My aunt of course is right by her side. In the waiting room are women of childbearing age looking at my grandma in - i want to say curiosity. FInally Oko Oloyun ushers them into his "office". My aunt says the man looked normal. My grandma is first of all asked to explain why she is there - i am not really sure what she said. My aunt isnt really sure. But she says that Oko Oloyun brings out some machine. Tells my grandma to place both hands - palm down on it. And the machine will analyze her whole body and point out everything that is wrong with her. OOOOh. My grandma got so excited. Did as she was told. Being the drama queen that she is - she swears she felt something. Oko Oloyun now "prescribes" some stuff for her. My grandma pays N5,000 and down the stairs they go and back home. Now my aunt kidnaps the medication and dashes to out house to tell my folks. We listen to the story and take the massive paper bag and bottle of stuff. Contains: A huge bottle of blood tonic, Vitamin C (3 different types in 3 different packs), Omega Oils something and finally a diuretic. LOL. Safe for her to take. But let me ask - as my folks asked: she could have gone to our family doctor but noooooooo, why did she decide to go to Oko Oloyun? My grandma is incorrigible. Anyway, she got her medication back none the wiser. And of course she never told my folks......

Aha....

She came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman. The wife was VERY upset!

"You are a disrespectful pig!" she cried. "How dare you do this to me – a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I'm leaving you. I want a divorce straight away!" And he replied:

"Hang on just a minute luv, so at least I can tell you what happened" "Fine, go ahead", she sobbed, " but they'll be the last words you'll say to me!"

And he began:

"Well, I was getting into the car to drive home and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the car. I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty.

She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days! So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight. The poor thing devoured them in moments.

Since she needed a good clean-up I suggested a shower and while she was doing that I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes so I threw
them away.


Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don't wear because you say they are too tight. I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don't wear because I don't have good taste.

I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don't wear just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at the
expensive boutique and don't wear because someone at work has a pair like them.."


He took a quick breath and continued: "She was so grateful for my understanding and help and as I walked her to the door she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said ....


'"Please........do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use?'

Did you know that.........

• If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee
• If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb
• The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet
• A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes
• A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death
• Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour
• The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off
• The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field
• The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds
• Some lions mate over 50 times a day
• Butterflies taste with their feet
• The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue
• Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people
• Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump
• A cat's urine glows under a black light
• An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain
• Starfish have no brains
• Polar bears are left-handed
• Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure
  
  
  

This is funny but also not.......

The Queen, Clinton & Obasanjo who went straight to hell and met the devil.

Queen Elizabeth said "I miss England; Please I want to call England and see how everybody is doing there". She called and talked for about 5 minutes, and then she asked"Well, Devil, how much do I owe you???? The devil says "Five million pounds". She wrote him a cheque and went to sit back on her chair.

Bill Clinton was so jealous, he starts screaming, "My turn! Iwanna call the States, I wanna see how every goddamn guy is doing out there. He called and talked for about 2 minutes, and then he asked "Well, Devil, how much do I owe you???? The devil says "Ten million dollars". With a smug look on his face, he made a cheque and went to sit back on his chair.

OBASANJO was even more jealous & starts screaming, me too go call Nigeria o jare, I go see how everybody is doing there too. If they don bring light. I go to talk to the ministers, to my special advisers, to the PDP, to INEC and EFCC, to everybody... ..He calls Nigeria and he talks for about twenty hours, he talked & talked & talked, then he asked,"Well, Devil, can I have my bill????The devil says "One thousand Naira".

Obasanjo was stunned & says; "Otio!! One thousand Naira??? Only one thousand Naira pere??"

The Devil says "Well if you make a call from one hell to another hell, it's LOCAL CALL!

Oh Fun...Women have so much to look forward to....

Mildred, 93, was despondent over the recent death of her husband Earl, so she decided to just kill herself and join him in death. Thinking it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out Earl's old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart since it was so badly broken in the first place. Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and a burden to someone, she called her doctor's office to learn her heart's exact location.

"Since you're a woman," the doctor said, "your heart is just below your left breast. Why do you ask?" She hung up without answering.

Later that night, Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her knee.

Oh No............

Wardrobe Disaster.

The fly of my trouser doesnt work anymore.........Drat....

The Polite way to go pee

During one of her daily classes a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question:

"Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?"
Michael said, "Just a minute I have to go pee."
The teacher responded by saying, "That would be rude and impolite.

What about you Peter, how would you say it?"
Peter said, "I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back."
"That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table.

And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?"
"I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope you'll get to meet after dinner."

The teacher fainted.

A bit unladylike......

On my way in to work, i was flagged down by an acquaintance on Awolowo Road so i stopped to give him a ride to the island.

We got talking and he mentioned that he saw me leaving Silverbird about 2 weeks ago and he was flagging me down so he could bag a lift. I told him i didnt see him - oh what a shame.

I lied there. See i saw him but there were circumstances that made me not only pretend to not see him, but also had me speeding up to ensure that if he decided to run up to the car, he wouldnt catch me.

After watching my movie and bidding my friends goodbye, i got into my car and started the engine. Then i felt a lot of gas in my tummy which i decided to let go of. Afterall, its my car abi? I guess the popcorn and diet coke combination wasnt great 'cos i stunk up my car...LOL...Seeing as it was late late at night and i was going to drive past the area boys and miscreants that hang around Silverbird, i opted to roll my windows down after i left the danger zone. So i turned up my AC and kept muttering to myself how this was just nasty and disgusting....I was also laughing to myself...

I turned out of the gate and that's when i saw my acquaintance...LOL. There was absolutely no way, i was going to let anyone into my car. So i zoomed off.

Quite unladylike behavior i know but what in the world was i supposed to do? LOL.,..

All in the name of fashion

My tailor Mr Mohammed returned a finished outfit to me via my mom on Friday and i was mega excited (as most women are) to have a new outfit. It looked so gorgeous. Long full skirt with a simple but oh so fitted top. Skirt even had some hidden slits so everytime i walked, there was a hint of my yellow legs (for some insane reason, my legs are really really light).

Anyway, i tried it on Saturday morning and i loved the way it fit so i decided to wear it to dinner that night with a friend. The invitation came at the last minute and i just figured - hey new outfit - what the hell?

So i got all dressed up. I put my make up on, then i put on the outfit, slid my feet into the slides and got into my friend's car. I had a little bit of difficulty getting into the car but i figured the shoes were to blame.

During the ride to the restaurant i was distracted by the conversation but i felt a bit funny. Could it be that i was seeing this man in a different light. I mean i had never been breathless around him before but maybe God was sending me a sign. Interesting....

We got to the restaurant and while we were walking in, i felt great. I figured the intimacy of the car with the soft music and conversation were to blame for the giddiness i felt. We got in and sat and did the whole pre-amble before dinner. Then i started to feel light headed again. What the hell?

Not enough to disturb dinner but enough for me to be worried. I mentioned the fact that i felt a little dizzy to my friend but he just said i was probably tired from working all week, then of course me made a joke about his presence being responsible. We laughed and got on to the business of eating.

Couldnt really eat much since i felt weird so most of my dinner was packed to go. About 2 hrs later, we get up to leave and as we walk out of the restaurant, i feel better again. Aha! I said to my friend that the restaurant and all the smells of food and perfume must have made me breathless. Since i was out in the open i felt better. We stopped to say hi to a few people and i was back to being myself. We got back into the car and it started again. We had to leave the windows down and he kept asking if i was okay. I was so close to tears because i couldnt understand what was going on with me.

He dropped me off and the moment i got out of the car i felt so much better. So i turned to him and said maybe my body didnt want to go out. So i smiled and walked into my house. Walked up the stairs and got into my room. Called my friend to tell him i was okay and then i sat down to take my shoes and accessories off. The dizziness started again and then i felt pain.

At this point, i thought i was dying so i hurriedly pulled my clothes off to get into my pyjamas or something so i could run to my parents to take me to the hospital. The moment the clothes came off, i felt so much better that i sat down in relief.

It took like 5 minutes for me to realise that there was nothing wrong with me at all. The skirt was too tight and had been cutting off my circulation. Standing up was fine but the moment i sat down, i was effectively cut in 2. LOL....

I picked up the phone to call Mr Mohammed to lambast him. He couldnt understand what happened. Then he told me to hold on. When he came back on the one, he told me in his heavy ghanaian accent - "My sister. Sorry oh. I make mistake with ya measurements. E b like say na another person own i use for ya skirt. For the hip place and for the waist. I jus dey too busy these days. Sorry my sister. No vex"

Let me admit that i was very relieved that i wasnt dying or that i hadnt put on weight. But just to be sure, i took another skirt and placed this one on it and there was a difference. I told my mom the story and she started laughing. Apparently, Mr Mohammed had made the same mistake more than once with her as well......

The mystery of....

The gele.

I cannot tie my head except to go to bed at nite and for those occassions that i want to feel neo-souly (not a word or phrase i know...LOL).

When it comes time to get all decked up, i get dressed and go to my mom who makes me sit on the bed and then she does her thing. I usually urge her to make it really tight. The thought of having the gele fall off my head in public is really mortifying. So i look beautiful for the event but my brain cells are dying from lack of oxygen and my head hurts so bad that i think it will fall off. After she is done, i gingerly go down the stairs and plan the strategy of getting into the car. Bear in mind that usually these stunning outfits are usually made up of tight figure skimming long skirts, bustier style tops with my emm assets strategically arranged for a desired effect and heels at least 3 inches high. Then the gele. So imagine what getting into the car must feel like. Getting out requires almost the same strategy with the plan being - i get out of the car and still have like 2 mins to arrange myself and get ready for the photographers that pounce on you at these events. Designer sunglasses in place, purse in hand, gele tall, jewelery blinging, feeling like a diva i strut into the church/hall feeling the admiring looks follow me.

Yes those were the days.

Then my mom delivered a bombshell a few months ago. "You are a nigerian woman and you cant tie a gele? After al the time i have been tying them for you, you still havent learnt? Okay, i am not going to tie a gele for you again".

At the time i laughed seeing as she couldnt be serious. The next event came up, i went to her and she gave me a look that would have chilled the Ice Queen. I turned around and went back to my room to do it myself.

There it was - this perfect square of gold shiny crunchy fabric. I unfolded it and refolded it the way i had seen my mom do it and started the process. First of all, that crunchiness is not cool. Its so noisy. Then i couldnt find the 2 parts that you have to hold onto. Found them but i couldnt tie them. The damn thing just slipped off my head. After a lot of struggling that resulted in my arms hurting and me sweating in my air conditioned room, it was tied. Then came the arranging. I mean you tie first, then arrange abi? Looking in the mirror i looked a hot mess. Nothing like the glamorous works of art that my mom created or anyone else for that matter. So off it went. I tried again and still no luck. I flung that nonsense off my head. Re-arranged my braids and went out jare. No need for the stupid thing.

This new found strategy has worked for the past 6 months or so. I have an event that requires traditional wear. I simply get my hair done and dress my hair up - rosettes, jewelled pins etc.

The game is up now. One of my closest friends is getting married this weekend and i am a bridesmaid. The engagement is tomorrow and i have time off work. Mr Mohammed (my tailor) has done his magic and created a fabulous tea length dress in the pink dry lace that was chosen as the aso-ebi. I have my jeweled pink/lilac Enzo Angolini sandals with the 4 inch stiletto heels. I have my white/yellow gold anklet. I have my silver Movado watch with the pink face. My accessories - silver/pink/pearly necklace type thing with a stone that stops right at the stage of my cleavage. Matching dangly earrings and bracelet. And there is the PINK & SILVER GELE. I have to tie it tomorrow and my mom has promised me that there shall be no help this time.

*Sob* Help me...............

It all started over...........

A ring tone.

This weekend had a little bit of drama.

My girl has been seeing this guy and we all assumed they were a couple. Anyway, we are all hanging out on saturday at a bar and having huge laughs. My girl had talked to her man earlier on in the day so his number was the last one she dialled. For some insane reason, her phone dialled the last number (his). And that's when the S**T hit the fan. All these modern phones allow you to use songs as specific ring tones.

We are sitting there when his phone begins to vibrate to the "sweet" sounds of Destiny's Child - Bug a boo. We all laugh and my girl says something about him being so mean and how he could set that as a ringtone for anyone. She grabbed his one off the table to see for herself who it was that had been assigned this special ring tone. It all happened so quickly and my girl just grabbed the phone expecting to see "plumber" or something. Instead, she saw her name.

It got well ugly at that point. Her man was thoroughly taken aback. The shouting started with us onlookers trying very hard to stare anywhere else but at the 2 of them or at the phone. My girl dials his number again to be sure and sure enough "you're a bug a boo, a bug a boo" came on. His explanation: well there were a couple. At first he said there had to be a mistake - he actually picked up his phone and started turning it around and looking at it in stupefaction. Then he said he had forgotten that someone (who?) was playing with his phone and must have done it. Eventually, he admitted that when they first met, my girl used to emmm, well be a little over enthusiastic and he assigned that tone to her THEN, but its not the same now. "You know i feel about you babe".

I made my exit at that point. But it got me thinking about technology and ringtones. I used to have a crush on this guy and i assigned Ray J's One Wish to him. And everytime my phone rang, i would smile. That was until a friend of mine met him and the first thing she said "Oh. You are Mr One Wish". Ehn, it took some clever verbal maneuvering to rescue that situation.

I hear phones go off around me and i hear tones like "Baby", "African Queen" and even that one that says "An idiot is calling" in a really stilted british accent. So i started wondering: what ring tone has been assigned to me? LOL

Damn technology to hell!

Help Needed!

I need Betty Boop images please. If you find it in your heart to help this silly woman with her minor obsession, you can send the images to uzo.amuta@gmail.com. I will profile each image and the sender i think (emmm, can you tell i am a bit nutty today?) and then i choose my favorite image which will then be my secondary avatar (i have confused myself). I will use the other avatars on other posts of course.

Cheers!

Emm - The Prayer for Today

The Lord is my Operating System, I shall not hang. He makes me to boot normally without errors. He loads my routing table with cool links; he restored my path. He routed me to the server of righteousness, for His domain sake. Even though I browse hackers’ sites, I will fear no attack, for he is my Firewall. Thy antivirus and Intrusion Prevention System, they comfort me. Thou preparest a link before me in the presence of time-outs; thou connected my links with fiber optics. Surely solid connection and replies shall follow me all the period of my pings. And I shall telnet from the server of the Lord for ever and ever. Amen !!

Words for those silly people - O & London Buki

They used to be my friends
They used to love me
It was with the precious relationship we shared
That i asked O to be The Bachelor
And London Buki to be one of the bachelorettes

I spent my time and energy making the series work
And when it was done, i folded my arms in delight
For O had found a blog honey in London Buki

Then the love words began to fly on both blogs
Dazzling all who read
Festering jealousy in some
Utter delight in others

But in the midst of all this "loving"
They both forgot me
No tender love and attention from any of them anymore
I have been abandoned!
As is the case with lovers, i have been shafted
They have forgotten that i am the reason why the loving is going on

It has even gone as far as leaving love love nonsense in the comments section
Yet in all this, i have been abandoned
Discarded like like a used tampon
Tossed aside chicken bones sucked dry

Why oh why?
Is this how it is?
Is this how life is?
Who will wipe my tears?
Who will comfort me?
I am heartbroken..........

On a lighter note.....

I spoke with a dear friend earlier today and she said my blog had been so "heavy" lately...all these words gushing. I laughed but its true. LOL. We cant have that. I mean this is the same clumsy Uzo that has all the really amazing things happen to her. Let me tell you a story that was told to me on the way home. I usually give a few people rides and this one had me laughing soooooo hard:

On a luxury bus heading from Jos to Lagos sometime last year, the passengers had the experience of a lifetime. The bus was waylaid by robbers and they proceeded to order everyone off the bus in the middle of nowhere. The passengers had their money, bags, phones and other valuables taken from them and i am sure they were scared shitless. The robbers for reasons best known to them proceeded to order everyone to strip. Not to their underwear but to total nakedness. Like Adam & Eve. The robbers then sped off leaving about 40 naked people of all shapes, sizes and complexions by the side of the road.

My imagination began to run wild and i was laughing soooo hard:

• What if a woman was at that time of the month?
• Would the men stare at the women lustfully in that situation?
• What would these people do?
• Can you imagine speeding down the high way and seeing a bunch of naked people walking/running along?
• Would you stop?
• If you were one of these people, would you stay in a pack or lag behind?
• What if your boss is driving along and stops to help, would you get into his car or would you duck into the bushes or ignore him completely?
• Would you risk running into the bushes naked?

Oh boy! My friend that told me the story swears up and down that its true and that it was even covered in the papers. Who cares? Its a great story and i am smiling now just thinking about it. I am sure it wasnt funny at the time...But its still funny.....

Repost: Great Thinkers of our time

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?

Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, which is why i would not live forever" - Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest

"Whenever i watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I cant help but cry. I mean i'd love, to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff" - Mariah Carey

"I havent committed a crime. What i did was fail to comply with the law" - David Dinkins, New York City Mayor, answering accusations that he failed to pay his taxes.

"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life" - Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for a federal anti-smoking campaign.

"China is a big country, inhabited by many chinese" - Former French President, Charles De Gaulle

"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country" - Mayor Marion Barry (Washington DC)

"It isnt pollution that's harming the environment. Its the impurities in our air and water that are doing it" - Former US Vice President Dan Quayle