A conversation with Mommy

Most of the women i know enjoy interesting relationships with their moms. They love hard, they fight hard and most importantly (LOL), they gossip a lot about the people they know. So a few weeks ago, i came home late from work and had this conversation with my mom. I just remembered cos my mom is out of town and she called to mention one of the parties in this story.....

Uzo: Mommy good evening

Mommy: How r u? How was work?

Uzo: Fine...How was the shop?

Mommy: Fine. Oya come and sit down. I have gist for you.

Uzo hastens to sit on the bed. Bring on the gist / gossip

Mommy: so remember i told you i saw N the other day coming out of a strange road?

Uzo: Yes. And people are free to go wherever they want oh. Mommy, the road you saw him come out of is not strange. You just dont know what he was doing there.

Mommy: Sisi...listen jare.

Uzo: Okay. Go ahead

Mommy: So today, i got the real gist from Mrs B

Uzo: Oya tell me

Mommy: He is having an affair and that is where his mistress lives. Down that street

Uzo: No way. He cant be having an affair. How can?

Mommy: Abeg jare. But his mistress is a blind woman

Uzo: Ehn! How can?

Mommy: Yes oh! Imagine

Uzo: How did he meet a blind woman? I mean there is nothing wrong i am sure....Although...But how did he meet a blind woman?

Mommy: In his office.

Uzo: He has blind women in his office? But he is an architect..How? What will a blind woman be doing there?

Mommy: Doing her work of course.

Uzo: But how? What will a blind woman be doing in his office?

Mommy: Look...they are having an affair. Can you imagine? And his wife knows the blind woman

Uzo: Mommy i still dont understand.

Mommy: What is there to understand? They are having an affair. But Mrs B said that his wife caught them in a compromising position oh. That N is not talking to his wife over the scene she made so he has been staying with the blind woman for a few days.

Uzo: This is serious oh

Mommy: Exactly. All i know is that i will tell your daddy that if N or his wife come here to discuss it, we should be quiet and not say anything

Uzo: Na wah oh. But mommy - a blind woman. Haba. How does she know if she even likes N? I mean...Anyway, maybe its because N has money.

Mommy: What do you mean? These women dont care. Besides he is a fine man

Uzo: But how will she know?

Mommy: Kilo n se omo e? What do you mean how will she know? She has eyes...

Uzo: But she is a blind woman...

Mommy: And so

Uzo: If she is blind, how can she see him?

Mommy: Blind? She is not blind

Uzo: You have been saying the blind woman since...what do you mean she is not blind

Mommy: ...pause.....Oh....(at this point she begins to laugh hysterically)

Uzo: What is so funny now?

Mommy: She is not blind. She makes blinds

Uzo: She makes curtains?

Mommy: Yes now. Blinds and curtains are the same thing. How can N go out with a blind woman? Where will he find her? Uzo sef...

Yup... A conversation with my mom....

Panic!

Yesterday was another one to add to my trove of memories. My mom has been away from home for a month and a delegation of people were at the airport to pick her up yesterday. The flight arrival time: 3.30pm.

I called at 4.30pm to speak with her and i was told she wasnt out yet. My sister had already told me that she had extra bags (typical) so i figured all the bags werent out yet. At 6pm, she still wasnt out and there was still no word from her. I called my sister who confirmed that she was indeed on that flight and had no other information. By 8pm, we all panicking. We called the airline and they were closed with no other means of getting information. The people at the airport couldnt get any additional information and after speaking with police and other officials in the airport, we ascertained that she was not on that flight.

My dad and I were frantic with worry. My other sister confirmed that my mom called her just as the flight was supposed to leave JFK. So we deduced that the problem had to have arisen between JFK - Amsterdam, or on the Amsterdam - Lagos leg. My mom is one strong woman but she is also diabetic and sometimes forgets to take her medicine. Could she have passed out or gotten ill somewhere along the way?

What were we going to do? My dad got in touch with some people and got a number for the airport in Amsterdam. He called and was directed to KLM's desk there. Understanding us was an issue so he was told to call back when someone that could understand english adequately was on hand. We were frantic with worry and from my previous post about loss, you can imagine how i felt.

I then suggested that we call Richard the travel agent. Yes it was late but maybe he would be able to go back to their office and log onto their system and track her using the manifest or something. My mother was missing dammit. We were prepared to go to his house and pick him up and take him to his office...Do anything to make sure we got some answers.

Richard answered the phone very sleepily. As i cried on the phone and told him my mother was missing and we needed his help immediately, he was quiet. He then interrupted me and said :But madam is coming back tomorrow.

Huh? Apparently, we got it all wrong. Her layover in Amsterdam is pretty long but she gets back at 3.30pm TODAY.

Go figure......My dad and i after getting our hearts under control started to laugh and laugh. We could not believe it. We checked her itinerary she left us and there it was in black and white: November 2nd.

She will get a huge kick out of this tonight.....

Broken Threads

It has been a very emotional weekend for me.

On Friday after blogging and working, i was looking forward to the weekend so much. Then my friend E came online. She is one of my best friends and we have been close since England and then she moved to Atlanta and we hung out all the time. My move to Chicago and back to Lagos didnt change things. By virtue of this relationship, i met her parents many times and her siblings became mine. This girl - young woman is so beautiful and precious to me. Work in Lagos made our phone calls reduce but we always chatted on line and exchanged emails and we would just take it from wherever we left of.

She came online and i was soooo excited and ready to play catch up when she typed "Uzo, i lost my mom". My reaction was one of shock. What did she mean? With shaking fingers, i typed and typed and she told me her mom died. I just started to cry. I knew i had to make that call. To talk to her and reach out to her. See E is one very strong chick. She makes fun of how much of a softie i am. I cry at everything and i can honestly say in all the years that i have known her, i have never seen her cry.

When she picked up the phone, i could hear and feel her pain. I was trying hard not to cry so i wouldnt upset her more. As the details of her loss came out, i could only listen. Wishing i was there with her. To hug her and pray with her. Just to be there. When i asked when she was coming home, she said next month after all arrangements have been made. I asked how she was doing..She said she had cried and cried but she had to be strong for her siblings. See E is the 3rd of 6 kids and the first girl. She has always been the mother hen so at this time of loss, everyone including her dad is looking to her for strength. She said she couldnt believe that her siblings were making plans to buy a casket for her mother. She said to me: i cant belive i dont have a mom anymore. We hung up and i just cried and cried. I was heartbroken for her family. For her. I knew her mom and she was sooo vibrant and fulland was truly the matriach of their family. I cant really explain how much pain i felt, as i cried, i couldnt breathe. I was simply overwhelmed by sadness.

And it was with this heaviness in my heart, that i called my mom. She is in the States with my sisters and i havent seen her in a month. Immediately she heard my voice, she asked what was wrong and i just started to cry as i told her. She knew E as well but had never met her mother. My mother was quiet as i cried and cried and she said all the right things about God and faith and strength. She said i had to be strong for her seeing as i am determined to be by her side when she comes back. As i cried, i told my mom over and over that i loved her and that every time we fought..i was sorry for always getting mad at her, for fighting with her, for not talking to her sometimes. She laughed and said we would be back at it once she got back but that it was all about love.

I couldnt stop crying. When i calmed down some, i tried to call L and since he's out of the country, i couldnt reach him. As much of a daddy's girl i am, i couldnt call my dad. This was not his forte, and i didnt feel like he would truly understand how i felt...since i couldnt even put it into words. Besides he was out of town as well. I called my other friend O, and he picked up immediately that i was off kilter. He asked if i had a cold. In his way, he made me feel better by not talking about the loss but about mundane silly things. I managed a giggle or 2 and i hung up. I was still lost.

This weekend, i spent talking to E, journaling and being alone. Then on Sunday, the news about the plane crash. More loss. Added to the fact that my dad was in Abuja and my phone was ringing off the hook. People calling to ask where my dad was. See, my dad was in Abuja and went to Kano and Thursday and was back in Abuja on Friday. People close to us know that my dad travels quite a bit. More of a scare. Its Monday morning and he just called to say he is at the Abuja airport, on his way back. And i am scared. I am sure it will be well but its hard to explain.

I have always known this but this weekend reminded me harshly that life is not to be taken for granted. What's the use of saving things for that special day when we might be gone in the next instance? Why should we fuss and fight with our loved ones over the silliest things? Even if the fights are justified, make peace. Point out what hurt and move on. Holding grudges...So not worth it. Tell your loved ones and show them how much they mean to you. And if you are in a position of responsibility, then begin to prepare to take care of the ones that depend on you. So many stories of widows left with nothing. Not knowing about their husband's affairs, acocunts and relatives swooping in to sow where they did not reap.

Life can deal several hands and while we cant control things, we can aim to make things right while we are still here.

Moms are the best

Got back home at exactly 9pm last night starving and tired. See i am on a new eating plan that involves very little eating (Dont ask). My mom was home alone since my dad is out of town. She was in the kitchen waiting for me. She asked how my day was and said she made peppersoup for me.

I almost burst into tears. She came home tired too and she is just recovering from a severe bout of some flulike ailment. She hasnt driven herself at all this week. But she still found the energy to make me something to eat. And she also made something that she knew would not wreck havoc on my slightly unhealthy eating plan.

I didnt know what to say. A big hug and a thank you later, i filled my bowl with soup and sat with her watching some show she likes and which i cant stand. Talked to her till 11.30pm. And even though i knew that waking up today would be a hassle if i went to bed that late, i figured it was the least i could do to show my mom some appreciation and love last night.