I went to Tolu's funeral yesterday and it was one of the hardest things that i have ever had to do. I cried and cried till i could cry no more. A friend of mine - Tosin held my hand throughout. When the casket was being lowered, my knees actually gave way and Tosin had to hold me up.
When i got back to the office, i couldnt think and i guess the whole office was numb as well. I just shut down and went home. Didnt say too many words at home. Just went to my room and laid in the darkness till i fell asleep. I dreamt that i was stuck in the cemetary and couldnt find the way out so i kept going in circles and seeing some of the same headstones over and over again. I woke up sweating but remarkably calm
Why has this death hit me so hard? I am not sure. Maybe its because i saw her and witnessed her joy that day. Maybe its because of her age. Maybe its because of Chukwuma. Maybe its because it reminded me of my own mortality. Maybe its because i cant see what makes me different from her. Maybe its because, there are so many things i want to do and it seems that there is so little time. Maybe i am just scared.
Its all over now and life must go on right? But with a new perspective about things......
Showing posts with label Tolu. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Tolu. Show all posts
Friday, January 19, 2007
Thursday, January 18, 2007
After the news
So Tolu is going to be buried today at Ikoyi Cemetary. I really feel that i HAVE to go. Cemetaries freak me out and i am scared of coffins but i feel that i have to be there for Chukwuma, that i just have to be there. There is something about this that is speaking to my soul and i just feel that i have to go. Does this make sense?
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
Life
Does anyone remember the post i did in December about my office christmas party? Where i went on and on about how much fun it was? Well an important fact i omitted to mention is the fact that one of the men i work with proposed to his girlfriend at the party. The party was on December 14th.
I got into the office this morning and was met with the news that girlfriend/fiance died this morning. She had pneumonia and had been admitted for the past 2 days. A delegation of people from the office were getting ready to rush to St Nicholas when his brother called us to push the visit back. That this strong self assured man had broken down in the hospital, was yelling, throwing things and threatening to beat anyone in sight and had to be physically removed from the hospital.
This girl i met at the party is my age mate - maybe even younger (25) and she was so happy at the party. We danced with her trying to make her feel welcome with the office folks. I even cracked a joke about the ring. He got the ring from H.Samuel and i said something about the accounts department being audited since he works in that department to ensure all the funds were in order. She was so gorgeously dressed at the party and was a perfect size 4
Now, i just started to cry. Simply because i dont get what the point of living is. This girl had finished university and was working. She had moved on to the next logical step - getting married and then she dies.
So what is the point of all the drama we put ourselves through? Why am i spending a fortune on books, cds, jewelery that i havent gotten a chance to enjoy? Why are there so many unworn shoes in my closet? Why am i killing myself and depriving myself to lose weight? What the hell is the point of working and planning a damn career when tommorrow is not promised?
What the hell is the point of it all? God works in mysterious ways it is said. So i need to know the reason why a 25 year old young woman, a year younger than me is dead this morning. I need to know why the love of Chukwuma's life is gone. The woman he was to spend the rest of his life with. How is he going to deal with this? How will her family deal with this?
What is the damn point of it all?
I got into the office this morning and was met with the news that girlfriend/fiance died this morning. She had pneumonia and had been admitted for the past 2 days. A delegation of people from the office were getting ready to rush to St Nicholas when his brother called us to push the visit back. That this strong self assured man had broken down in the hospital, was yelling, throwing things and threatening to beat anyone in sight and had to be physically removed from the hospital.
This girl i met at the party is my age mate - maybe even younger (25) and she was so happy at the party. We danced with her trying to make her feel welcome with the office folks. I even cracked a joke about the ring. He got the ring from H.Samuel and i said something about the accounts department being audited since he works in that department to ensure all the funds were in order. She was so gorgeously dressed at the party and was a perfect size 4
Now, i just started to cry. Simply because i dont get what the point of living is. This girl had finished university and was working. She had moved on to the next logical step - getting married and then she dies.
So what is the point of all the drama we put ourselves through? Why am i spending a fortune on books, cds, jewelery that i havent gotten a chance to enjoy? Why are there so many unworn shoes in my closet? Why am i killing myself and depriving myself to lose weight? What the hell is the point of working and planning a damn career when tommorrow is not promised?
What the hell is the point of it all? God works in mysterious ways it is said. So i need to know the reason why a 25 year old young woman, a year younger than me is dead this morning. I need to know why the love of Chukwuma's life is gone. The woman he was to spend the rest of his life with. How is he going to deal with this? How will her family deal with this?
What is the damn point of it all?
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