Since the year began, i find myself being a little more quiet and being more observant. Also paying more attention to the voice inside me.
I feel different this year. I am different. I am more at peace. That is what screams to me the most. My reactions to things happening around me have changed. And i feel good as well.
Something has to be said about being more observant. Noticing more, being aware of so much more.
Thing is - this wasnt a conscious decision. I just am...
Do you know what i have realised? The longer i take to respond, the better and happier i am with my responses? Think about it. Driving in traffic and someone does something erratic. If i react immediately, it will involve me cursing someone out. But i take a deep breath and all that comes out of me - is head nodding. And i dont feel defiled. Because when i let loose those torrent of words and sometimes the hand motions, i feel defiled and unworthy.
Another case in point - i am going through some pretty emotional things at the moment. Now my usual response is to cry and pretty much degenerate into a mess. But this time - its like i am removed from it all. Things are happening but its almost like they are happening to someone else. I guess i have gotten to the point when i realise that certain things are out of my control and driving myself crazy over these things is really futile. So no real tears have been shed this time, no sappy music has played, no overly dramatic entries in my journal. M just taking each new curveball as it comes. Secure in the fact that my life is directed by God. And that God wants the best for me. And knows the workings of my heart. He knows what i need. I also know that if God says yes, noone can say no. So also, if He says no, no-one can say yes.....
Spent some time at the salon on saturday. And since schools are back in session today, the children's section was filled with little girls getting their hair in cornrows of all styles and sizes. Cute little ones running over the place. Then this girl came in. Maybe 6 or so. She came with her mom and dad. And she was already crying. The moment she saw the comb coming towards her head, she started to cry a little louder. This escalated into all out wailing and screaming with her mom alternating between threats and pleas. This little girl was not having it. She was so so upset about being there. I thought to myself, well leave her alone already. But her mom said she had to get her hair done - school rules, plus mom said even combing her hair everyday would be a nightmare. Someone asked why she didnt cut her daughter's hair then. Mom said her father wouldnt like it. We all turned to the father who sat in a corner reading his newspaper, oblivious to all the ruckus. And you could see all our faces - Men! LOL
I spent yesterday at Terra Kulture hanging out. I went specifically to see Laspapi's play - Anatomy of a Woman and i had a good time. Bumped into an old friend - i am talking someone i havent seen in like 15 years. All lovers of art, please find time to drop by and see a play at Terra Kulture any sunday. Its a good way to spend a sunday afternoon.
My worklife is off to a good start. This is also a year for re-evaluation but its always nice to be appreciated right?
So here's to a fabulous year of observation, introspection, self awareness and fulfillment.